He really loves His children

I've been so surprised how different every pregnancy can be. I am going to say a lot of what I've said in past posts. But I still can't wrap my head around it.

And I still can't believe how even a little or big can make effect you so much. Even though this pregnancy was planned it's thrown me off so much that I've fallen from the high I was on in life that I can't seem to grasp things as tightly.

I am just not me but I think a big part of that is because I've fallen from the things that made me me!
And part this pregnancy has changed my hormonal and feelings into so much confusion. lol

I'm there but not always truly there.

Yesterday I woke up and was talking to myself in my head about how I was feeling maybe even expressing to God through my head how I was feeling. That I didn't like how I felt and that even though others have felt this way it still doesn't mean they completely understand how i'm feeling what i'm feeling. It was fast Sunday so in sacrament meeting people could go up and bare their testimonies. And the first couple really fit like they were meant for me. The first one came up and said how that as teenagers we feel like no one truly understands us (but really this as anytime in your life) and that God knows what we are truly going through because He went through it for us. I knew/ know this but sometimes hearing it through someone else is so touching and just hearing it out loud. Then someone else talked about how its hard to trust but God knows where we need to go in life and to trust Him to lead us there and follow His guidance. It doesn't mean its always going to be a smooth ride but we will get there.

Anyways it was just a lot of good stuff. And I've been thinking since I've been reading this book. "Heaven is Real" there was one point the boy constantly kept telling his parents that Jesus really loves his children! And how much He loves us but children!! It hit me, although I love my kids its so easy to blow up or get frustrated with them. Because we don't understand each other, they don't mean to break rules (mostly when young young) they just want to be loved and make you proud. And they are trying and they will forget. I mean we forget things and stop doing things we should and that probably hurts God so much. But I always feel bad when I snap and yell and when I read that it just hit me hard on how much we break them every time we yell and get mad. We are trying to obviously help strengthen them to be these amazing kids, that's the goal anyways. And how home should always be a heaven and safe place for them where we don't kick them when their down and we approach things a better way (easier said then done but always a work in progress). Hopefully this all makes sense.

So every day is different some days i'm emotionally better on the inside then others but ever feel 100%. I would not say i'm depressed i'm not super low just feel off and don't like it.

Anyways so Wednesday I will be 16 weeks, i feel about the same size. I sleep decent enough. I don't have to eat as constantly but its best if I do. I feel I haven't felt it move since 13 1/2 to 14 weeks. So I've been going crazy. A lot of times at night I feel I feel it while i'm half asleep but i'm not sure if that's a dream or real lol I've never had a mover at night only but this baby has already shown to be different. My next appointment isn't until the 30th so if I don't feel movement as I get farther along I will truly worry more its just what you do when your not to that bigger stage yet to feeling more often. But if something did happen its already happened so they can fix that so really just waiting, no cramping or bleeding so unless I see that I really don't have anything to worry off besides movement which isn't consistent enough at this week to hold strong too.
I'm just rambling, no cravings I still don't like red sauces so my pizzas are only tiny drops of red sauce or none at all. And I still have very little excitement this pregnancy, maybe when i feel it more things will change. And I know it sounds bad but if its another boy I will be upset, i will get over it but it maybe being a girl is one thing I've been holding on to to get me through.

I still miss working out SO much. I go work out but its not the same. There was more I was going to talk about that I've been thinking about but cant remember.

The boys are totally sensing change because they've been ridiculous (for my kids not compared to others) and ahhhh! So emotional about things, never listen. Jackson has been fighting naps, and Isaac doesn't take naps anymore and Jackson is always picking on Isaac etc its just annoying. But I've been finally cleaning and doing dishes and laundry better etc so yay. Christmas is set up and we are pretty much ready!

Its all over the place but that's really how my brain has been lately. and basically no one would fully understand but being very less sick then i was has helped me function better.

Finally 2nd Trimester Baby 3

I'm 13 weeks pregnant, some books say 14 is when the 2nd trimester starts but some say 13 so i'm going with 13.

Oh gosh guys I've been feeling a lot better but still get sick occasionally and still just don't feel like myself so days are hard.

#3 just isn't a great one for me. But we are surviving and i'm looking more pregnant but also fatty chubby feeling :/ but such is life one you've had a few kids =]

Working out has been great, I still struggle with knowing whats too much and wanting to do things I know I shouldn't while pregnant so sometimes I get frustrated.

My emotions are all over the place guys which doesn't make it easy on my children because I feel their all over the place too. And the poor husband! =]

I've felt the baby move a tad here and there and felt it hiccup and LOVE sleeping on my right side which is interesting cuz that's where the baby is so I fear I'm squishing it.

Someone asked me what was one thing I loved about this pregnancy....and to be honest my only thoughts are that I was blessed to be pregnant again and that it could maybe be a girl but other then that I truly have not loved it much at all.

Just darn food, I know some people wished they didn't love food so much but honestly guys it is NOT fun especially when working out or pregnant because you HAVE to eat more to feel good but its not easy. I know it doesn't make sense to people but its always been a huge struggle and I feel like it gets worse with each pregnancy. I'm leaning on this very well being our last baby but years down the line will tell.

Now will be monthly pictures. I've gained nothing if anything I've lost again.... but we shall see I have an appointment tomorrow.

Also all the pants I normally wear I can't button comfortably.... just my khakis left and one pair of jeans that I kept for in case I got bigger haha So very soon maternity pants will be coming out.

On a side note guys i'm obsessed with Romeo & Juliet, my favorite movie version lately is 2013 version....I think its beautifully done. Its not the best story if you read what all their weird language means but I think its a beautiful sad story the way I think of it. And I don't care to change my thinking. (the main characters are Hailee Steinfeld & Douglas Booth) I rented it from the library which let me have it for 3 weeks I've watched it 3 times and would love to watch it more but its long so it makes it difficult to watch with the boys cuz I don't like to pause and come back to it later.

Go Team

There is a scripture somewhere that says "Behold your little ones", it doesn't matter where it is but just remember that line.
As a parent I think of that line often because our children and teach us so much!
They can teach us what we are doing wrong by what they constantly do and repeat because they've learned from us. (That can be quite an eye opener lol)
I think it was Saturday Jackson was napping and Isaac all of a sudden said hey guys come here and he stuck his arm/hand out straight and explained he wanted daddy, and mommy to put our hands on top of his hands. lol And Then he said go team and we all threw our hand up.
I have no idea where he learned this, we are not sports people so he wouldn't of seen this from a game on tv. My guess is from a kid show on Netflix.
Anyway the point is the sweetness in him doing that got me thinking. One he is smart, sweet, and adorable and I love him!
But in him doing that (and he has us do it every so often too, Jackson included if he isn't napping)
made me realize We are a team! Our little family is a team and we should always be encouraging, supporting and loving each other.
I think most of the time we are all on different pages and struggling with different things so it isn't always easy to be understanding or loving when we ourselves might not feel at our best. And sometimes we've grown up to a point that we forget that little things are really hard for kids to go through and a lot of times I find myself saying your fine get over it or stop! When they truly don't understand and I should be a lot more sympathetic. Now they are young to the point that they don't always understand why I can't be like normal when I don't feel well. Or that maybe when i'm throwing up you should not surround me and bug me but give me space and leave the bathroom lol (doesn't matter if I shut the door cuz Isaac can open it)

So i'm trying to be a team player (i'm not great at that) and us all be a team together always rooting for one another.

Side note I am feeling a little better each day but if I don't eat or drink for a little bit (I get distracted or busy with things) I will get super weak, dizzy, sleepy and feel very ill. So if I can keep up on eating and drinking i'm usually doing okay. My next appointment is on the 18th so we shall see how things are going, should actually hear the heartbeat this time instead of just seeing it (I always heard it a lot earlier with the boys, these doctors are just different)

Jackson turned 2 Saturday, but in my mind he's been 2 for awhile so it wasn't that crazy of a thing lol

Then emotionally I feel like I've lost myself a bit since being pregnant and that's hard because it took me a year to get to a pretty good place so I've been struggling a bit but the more I feel better the better I will hopefully get. 1 pair of pants I have to use a hair tie to button my pants so belly is getting bigger but it still seems like chub more then baby. And I my have a UTI which I've NEVER had before, I think i'm fine but some test results came back a bit off but haven't gotten a phone call from the doctors yet. (they post the results online so I can see them before they call about them)

ooh Friday I started going to the gym again, I hate that I can't do much (I want to run so bad lol) but it made me feel good! I have earned points for daycare for a month for 1 kid so will do evenings for now so Isaac can come with me and Jackson can stay home with daddy. It might be walking on a treadmill or doing bicycle for a bit until I can get back in it a little more. OH boy did I miss the gym, and will miss it so much once my contract is up (I think end of December) thankfully we have a small gym at the apartment complex but it wont be the same lol

Baby # 3

It doesn't matter what other people think but I'm not surprised if people think us having another so soon is crazy. I'm right there with you!
It's a bigger space then between Isaac and Jackson (they are 17 months apart). Jackson and this baby will be 2 1/2 years apart, but it is still close!

We planned to wait longer for another and I was totally fine with that because Jackson is mister adventure and destroyer. But out of no where I was constantly bombarded with things about having another baby and baby hungry very soon kicked in after that. And kept attacking me lol
So eventually I decided I should pray about it and see if I was interpreting all of this correctly. And I felt it was the right time to have another one.

If it's crazy or not apparently this baby was meant to come into our lives sooner then later. And when that second lined showed up even though very faint, there was no turning back lol
I was about 3 1/2 weeks when I found out so this first trimester has been LONG!!! I've always been quite miserable so it's not been very fun or easy this time around.

I was okay for a little while, then I started feeling nauseous all the time but needed to eat but rarely any food sounded good. Then would get sick. And I'm pretty sure I got at least 2 stomach bugs and have now been hit with a massive cold. Past pregnancies I've gotten colds and things but this time around anything I've gotten has been in massive form and hit me hard.

I wouldn't say i'm tired all the time but need to at least get a small nap in the middle of the day even if only for 15 minutes.

I feel super emotional a lot of the time and i'm pretty sure part of that is because I'm always a mix of hungry, tired, and sick so have short amounts of patience.

My boys have been fairly decent and sweet. Isaac is super excited but doesn't understand it will be a long wait until its here. Jackson has no idea what's going on, he's going to struggle I'm sure.

I'm the type of person that loves going places and getting out of the house but with this pregnancies I have very little desire and it's rough on the boys and I.

This baby is being sent to me to teach me some major things (good or bad I don't know) but we will just wait and see. It's been such a different experience this 3rd time around. I just try to make it through one hour at a time.

Now of course lots of people think its a girl because its been so different from me but we will see. Would I love a girl, yes! but I would totally be fine if it was another boy, I've already got all the clothes lol

I will be 11 weeks on Wednesday, due date is May 24th 2017, a week before Isaac turns 4 =]

Other random side effects: my face is full of zits, and my hair is fairly dry and brittle. I ate frozen peaches and blueberries for awhile and craved fruit at the beginning. I don't crave much though its usually something random at random times and wont last long.

I lost 3 lbs from 6 week appointment to my 10 week appointment. The first ultrasound went great, it was measuring exactly where I thought it should be. And the 10 week appointment was the same thing, measuring exactly how it should be. The first picture I got was awesome because the face looks like a face! it's amazing! I'm hoping they let me get the 20 week ultrasound to know gender a few weeks earlier so the gender can be a Christmas surprise for family but we shall see. ( the baby might not even corporate)

Anyways its been full of excitement and lots of worries and wow were gonna have 3 kids! We will be outnumbered, so we are helping Isaac be a bit more independent and probably a month before the baby comes we will hopefully get a bigger car, it just wouldn't work in our small car with 3 big car seats.

Thanks for all the love we have gotten! A worry i'm always going to have is this time my mommy isn't close but thankfully that we have great friends that can help when the time comes. =]

The picture doesn't show it very well but there is a very faint line! Later I had to do blood tests to check my HCG level so that was the confirmation that yes I was pregnant.

do you see the face!! its upside down but its labeled head and I swear I see a nose and mouth etc.

Doing whats important

Do you ever have days where you don't feel well it could be physically, emotionally, or mentally.
I find when I'm like either of those I start slacking or have been slacking on important things. When you feel miserable its hard to really want to do anything but binge on Netflix, pinterest, etc.
There are times you physically can't do much and that's okay.
But I was reminded of doing whats important even when you don't feel like it.
What I mean by this is saying your prayers morning and night and not just when you need strength to get through the trial but to also express gratitude for things. And to read/study your scriptures and be reminded that so many others went through tough things and they survived. And maybe even be thankful your not going to war and experiencing bloodshed and death (I know some people are experiencing this) And don't compare your trials to others because people are given what they can handle even though at the time it may not seem you can handle it. God knows us!
And then to put your device down or turn off the tv and focus on something different, if you have children, your children! Change up the routine a little. And especially be grateful and love your spouse.
Lastly don't focus so much on the ailment you are going through.  

In the end I always remind myself "This too shall pass" and a friend reminded me of this quote "Life is to be enjoyed; not just endured"

Have a Heavenly Day =]

One Year

It's hard to believe tomorrow will be a WHOLE year we've live in Oregon. Lately it's felt like we've been here a lot longer then that. Almost instantly Oregon felt like Home!
We've all grown up physically, mentally, and spiritually. We are still learning a few ins and outs of Oregon but have been here for every season and I can say summer is my favorite because i'm not a huge fan of the rainy season which is most of the year, my body craves that sunshine in the summer and MAN does it deliver! HOT HOT! We are still making new friends and decided when to make more changes.
I wanted to list the people that i'm so grateful to, because they helped shape me and change me into a better version of myself or they became an amazing friend. I decided I wouldn't list names because I don't want to forget anyone, I just hope if your reading this that you already know that I truly appreciate the friendship! There are a good handful of you that I want to always be close to!
We've had ups and downs since living here but i'd like to say more ups!

Isaac is 3 now & Jackson is almost 2, I can't even describe everything they've learned since we first arrived! Maybe I will just put side by side comparisons of how they've changed physically =]

 

I'm grateful for the opportunity and feeling that we had to move out here. It will always be one big turning point in my life that made everything better! Do we still miss being close to family & friends....we sure do! That's why we always plan to visit maybe once every year and you all are welcome to come visit this beautiful place!
There is still SO much to look forward to and explore here and I truly can't wait to grow stronger physically, spiritually, and mentally.

Change can be sad, exciting, and scary! Deep breathe, prayer, scripture reading, good nights sleep, and a good work out (and obviously some girl talk) make it all easier. (maybe some junk food too)

I will always update every so often as new things happen to us but for now we are just enjoying our life that we've built here so far and the friendships we've made!

Analyzing yourself

We've been in Oregon for 11 months! I feel like I've lived here my whole life, I feel so connected to Oregon. Most of that is because within these 11 months I feel I've grown so much more then I grew in the last 24 years of my life.
Yesterday I was reflecting on how many things I've changed either big or small and how I've stuck with those changes. And i'm constantly seeing all these other things I would like to change. And taking on new changes little by little. (too many changes at once could soon all fall apart)

Just to list a few changes I've made:

Working out, started in November or October and I haven't stopped! And I've come a long way! I now don't rely on classes to keep me going or other people to keep me going. I go because I want to grow and become the best version of myself. I now don't mind doing work outs by myself and I even found a work out routine I do on my own and sometimes I even add to it. I can tell i'm getting stronger. (eating healthy is a different story lol i'm better but not like I should be)

Since that dentist appointment of bad news I've been SUPER awesome at keeping my teeth even more clean before and they feel great! Our the cavities gone....don't know yet but i'm proud of myself.

Scripture reading EVERY morning, I still do it! I've learned so much, and found such comfort and power in the scriptures and some amazing scriptures that touched my heart. Along with this I also still do my personal morning and evening prayers!

Also EVERY evening as a family we read scriptures together and say prayer! And even though the kids rarely ever sit still and listen to it I know its making an impact. Isaac will now say "we need to read our scriptures" if we didn't grab them before we went in their room yet. That touches my heart!

I was talking last night with a very sweet friend of mine and did my typical explaining how I over think EVERYTHING! And jump to negative conclusions and explained why I think I do what I do etc.
And she goes it seems like you have thing figured out.

I had never thought about that before. I know myself more then I thought I knew myself. (there are still things I haven't figured out) I analyze myself SO much but in doing that I've found the why the things I do which then helps me know what to do and how to start to fix them.

One by one of course but when I know i'm ready to take the huge steps the change whatever the thing is then I stick with it. You have to get in that low and deep thinking to realize you don't want to feel that way anymore so "lets make a change" comes into your head.

We are just all always so hard on ourselves but people don't always see all those things in us.
I once got pointed out about my hand gesturing while I talk, I never realized I did it. But a friend once said the way I did it was beautiful and that I shouldn't stop doing it. I never would have thought about it that way.

I've felt so much living in Oregon and we've figured out the next steps we want to take as a couple and a family and we go on adventures together and loving every minute of it! I'm a full of gratitude and love. I've learned my lows and what to try and do to escape those moments and who's true and helps make my life whole.

-Family updates-
Isaac- He is potty trained, it went A LOT better then I expected and he is just so cute and grown up. I just love it! He also moved to a toddler bed and did an AMAZING move to that too. We got rid of the crib and he cried "don't give away my bed, that's my baby bed." it was so sad and I didn't think he would be so upset about it.

Jackson- Tried the toddler bed....he still needs to be restrained haha He is learning so many new words and his new favorite is "mine" so that's been a blast to hear daily. He is learning to crawl up bigger things. And he LOVES cheese.

They help each other to get into things but they are so happy, smiley, giggly, and fairly well behaved and i'm just so proud and love them so much! (i'm sure I missed something)

The end of life

My last grandparent passed away on Monday, Grandma Moore (my moms mom). I think death in general always makes you think about life more deeply. I knew it was coming soon and I wasn't totally sad because the last few years of her life she was slowly slipping away but doesn't mean I didn't ache over it.
In general though i'm not one to cry right away when i'm hurt especially in front of people. Maybe its because I feel it makes me weak or when I do cry I then can't control it. It's not easy to stop and i'd rather not look like a mess in front of people and so exposed. But maybe not crying also makes people think i'm being rude..... I am usually more broken inside over things then I may look on the outside. Neither way is wrong but just thought i'd explain who I am.

So fairly last minute I quickly got a plane ticket and Spencer stayed home with the boys and I headed to Iowa. My sweet friend dropped me off at the airport Wednesday morning and I arrived in Iowa Wednesday night.

Back story: My parents are both originally from Iowa and most of the family has stayed in Iowa, since moving to Utah we don't get to go see them very often. It was sad it took my grandmas death to get pretty much all of us there but it was MUCH needed!

My family especially the Tripp side (my moms side) are weird and crazy and I love it!

My parents picked my brother and I up from the airport and my sisters were already in the car. The little drive to my Uncle Fred's house brought back awesome memories from growing up. It rarely ever is just the parents and us kids alone now that we all have little families of our own. The joking around and laughing just made me so happy that I could be there.

Side note: I had no phone service while in Iowa :/ which was super hard for me lol If I had internet I could do a few things but I was phoneless. I think I really needed to be though.

Thursday afternoon we went over to my Uncle Larry's house to get together with more family before the viewing that evening. BEST DAY EVER, we all laughed so hard my cheeks hurt and I got a headache. I just loved every minute of it, it brought back fun times as a kid only this time I was part of the grown up crazy conversations. So our family is crazy especially all together but what I love is our relationship status's are all different, we are different color, and different religions, and now live all over but when we come together that doesn't matter at all! We have so much love and life for each other. It touched my heart and made me realize how important and amazing relationship with family is. You don't have to see each other daily to know that we care.

The viewing was interesting. I think open caskets are good and bad and everyone thinks differently. For me the few days before she died the pictures I saw of her were horrible, it wasn't the grandma I knew and remembered. When I saw it was open casket I was very nervous. But when I saw here WOW she looked AMAZING! And it made me not so sad but I will say she looked like a wax figure and when I would glance over I kept thinking she was going to pop awake lol
For me I would rather see once quick and then close and be done. Sadly I had to see her for multiple hours like that and for two days.
I've also noticed sometimes I crack jokes to distract myself from situations like that.

Lots of people came, and were so sweet and all reacted so differently. I was really glad to be there for my mom though, and that all of us kids could be. And all of my Grandmas kids came too :)
-I didn't realize how long we were going to be there so I went from 12-8pm with no food. I felt like a little complaining kids cuz I was STARVING and dizzy from lack of water and food but I made it through! lol We didn't really know everyone even though most was family so it was hard to just sit around doing nothing. They spoke a little at the end. Her second eldest son, my uncle spoke and we learned that she had a really hard life. I never would have guessed! And then he read a letter that my mom wrote to her....that is when my tears almost came. What a beautiful written letter!
Afterwards we went out to eat pizza and it was delicious and hit the spot!!

Friday morning was the funeral. We got up early and ready and headed to the church. I would like to point out that this was the firsts viewing and funeral that I stayed for everything and this is the first non Mormon funeral I've been too.
We as a family had to surround and watch them close the casket, wow that's really hard. I think because its closing her off and you truly wont see her on earth again. I could of cried then but I held back because I wasn't going to cry, I wasn't going to let myself do that because I know she is in a better place, and happy and healthy and I will see her again.

After that was the service, to be honest I felt SUPER uncomfortable over it. Its just a lot I don't know, and not what we do funeral wise. And when you don't know why they do what they do and don't know when to repeat things you feel weird. But it was interesting to watch. Then we met at the graveyard to say a few words and they buried her.

Later we all met again to hang out and then even later to talk and laugh some more. It's a beautiful thing and I think she would be truly happy that a lot of us all could come and we enjoyed our time together.

Saturday morning my dad dropped me off at the airport. I was ready to come home and Spencer did an amazing job watching the boys and I'm very thankful to him!

On my first flight this video came to mind
Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them- Elder Russell M. Nelson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMwKxmTLaCs

And as I was on that plane looking out the window at the wing, I thought to myself if this plane were to come crashing down how would I feel. And wow Peace, and calm enveloped me. I felt such at peace with my life and how i'm living it and the choices I've made lately that if I had to die in that moment I was really okay with it. (the crashing and painful part of the plane going down wouldn't be awesome to feel and look forward to lol) And how much love I felt from Heavenly Father that he was proud of the choices I have been making. I would hate to leave my loved ones behind but I knew that if it was time, I was at total peace with it. It opened my eyes to life and how blessed I truly am. Doesn't mean that i'm mistake free or that I won't continue to do somethings wrong but that I am on the right path and I know he is very happy with me. A scripture had come to mind with this, its one of my favorites: John 14: 27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I safely arrived home and missed my husband and kids so much and I know they missed me <3
It was a trip that I didn't know I needed, but I feel changed and refreshed!

I miss Grandma Moore but it was her time and I know that she is looking down on all of us and smiling. And that even though she had some very hard moments in life she let them go and put them in the past, which is what we all should do. Move forward =]

what do they see

Recently I've wondered what little kids and babies see in people. I'm sure they see things differently then adults, they've seen Heavenly Father more recently then us.

I always wondered why certain little ones preferred certain people over others.
Some you can totally wonder why because 1 person is kind and nice and clean. But sometimes its someone who isn't nice and may be dirty.

I was thinking that maybe when its an unlikely person its because they can see that persons heart and know they are better then they portray on the outside. Or maybe they sense that person needs love or a simple smile from someone.

And just because they might not like you doesn't mean your a bad person. I've been in both situations. And sometimes the days little ones love me it's when I've needed that for whatever reason.

But if you think about it as adults there are times we feel a certain way about a complete stranger, good feeling or bad feeling. And the way react about that feeling is on us.

Babies especially those that can't talk yet probably have a lot more going on in their heads then we think. I wish I knew what they were thinking in those situations and my own children's thoughts lol

But I don't even understand my own thoughts that go through my head. They go ALL over and never at rest lol

The Lord, without equivocation, has declared, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (D&C 93:40).

May I return again to the words of Brigham Young: “Let it be your constant care that the children that God has so kindly given you are taught in their early youth the importance of the oracles of God, and the beauty of the principles of our holy religion, that when they grow to the years of man and womanhood they may always cherish a tender regard for them and never forsake the truth.” ⁴ 

change your point of view

Let's be honest any one who's a stay at home mom has probably said once "I need a vacation from my vacation." Once you become a parent especially one that stays one your going on vacation with your job (watching and taking care of your kids which only is harder because their schedules are off and your in a new place)

It's hard to be excited for a vacation sometimes for the following reasons:

Less sleep either because of the children or because it's just not the same bed
Cranky children & let's be honest sometimes the adults too
Eating habits are messed up
Exercise is messed up
Too cold/too hot
Drama
Changes in plans
Sicknesses
Miscommunication
Owies

Sometimes I think about all of these things and want a vacation with Spencer, a friend, or alone but forget about all the wonderful things to vacations with your family and little kids

Lots of laughter
Tan lines
Family bonding time
Seeing new places
Cuddling with my kids at night which I never do (because they don't sleep well in a bed with us but it's sweet moments I get with them)
Lots of fun pictures
Spending time with new friends or family they don't see often anymore

Our drive to Utah was not too bad, the kids actually did really well. The hotel stay to break up the drive was a bit rough. The hotel didn't have pack n plays like I thought and our kids especially Jackson don't sleep well with us (outside of a crib like bed) so we didn't get to bed until midnight or later but from that I got the sweetest picture of our boys sleeping side by side and we slept in a bed together as a family. Spencer and I also got to know a little more about our boys. Jackson's is a squirmer (maybe not as much if he is in j is own bed) Isaac is a noise maker (not a ton but says maybe a word or two, and will sometimes yell or cry in his sleep)
Thankfully none of them snored =)

In Utah we packed plans in to see friends and family and it was crazy but so worth it! We took one day were we changed plans to stay in town more and that was perfect and needed.
Isaac had his "I scared" moments because we were in a new place and it didn't matter if he was exhausted.
So through that we helped him with learning to Pray to Heavenly Father to send angels to watch over and protect, we got him a glowstick and a big chase(from paw patrol) stuffed animal.
And Jackson we thought was getting a cold but realized he has allergies in Utah so medicine and oils helped him sleep through the night most times and his eczema came back right away (we love Oregon for taking this away)
We flipped Jackson forward facing and he seems to love it (now I can see if he is getting into trouble )

I had some relaxing times like the Spa with my sister, and got to see my whole family. I don't remember all the funny moments or things they said but I know we had a great time.
It's funny because I felt like we never left. I love friends and family that live there but I don't ever want to move back. Oregon became my home very quickly and I don't want to leave it.

We then arrived in Idaho and celebrated more birthdays (we did in Utah too). We met up with Spencer's dad and the tour group he was busing around. It was a group of Chinese people and they gawk at kids they love them so much. I felt like my kids were celebrities it was funny.

Then that night Jackson woke up throwing up. It was sad but he cuddled a lot...so we had to do a lot of laundry. And he was loving on daddy so daddy got a nice bonding time with him. Sunday evening he is doing better. He slept better got water sickish because he gags on mucous like his daddy always struggled with. Jackson is always exhausted and me too! I've constantly felt each night I've taken a sleeping pill because I just want to pass out a few mins after waking up. It's from all these nights with waking up in the middle of the night a lot. Lol and just traveling in general with children is exhausting. But it's been great to see family and friends and have a good time together, change up the routine again.
I'm very proud of my boys they've been fairly well behaved!
Tonight if Jackson is still feeling better Spencer and I were going to celebrate our soon to be 5th wedding anniversary! (June 18th) I'm excited because we've been so busy on the trip it will be nice to have a little down time with no kids to worry about (let's me honest I will still be doing some worrying, I can't help it)

I haven't been exercising like I had planned to, and scripture reading has been sparse and of course eating hasn't been the best but it's okay because when we get home I will be right back to it. Right now is family time which has been needed.
So I've changed my point of view

I knew you could!

This post will be a book I've read recently, and I love it! Everyone should read it, its a bit long but beautifully written.

I knew you could! A book for all the stops in your life By: Craig Dorfman

I knew you could! And you knew it, too---
That you'd come out on top after all you've been through.
And from here you'll go farther and see brand-new sights.
You'll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights.

I wish I could show you the stops that you'll visit,
But that isn't my choice to make for you, is it?
Instead, I can tell you some lessons and tales
That I've learned and relearned in my time on the rails.

First of all, you must find your own track,
So you can start right away and not be held back.
But which track is yours? Well, that all depends
On which you it's going and where it might end.

Different tracks wind around,
over, under, and through,
So pick out the one
that works best for you.
Though the track you start out on
will feel like "the one,"
You might take a few more before you are done.
And now, with your eyes on your new destination,
Start up your wheels and roll out of the station.

On your new trip, you'll make plenty of stops,
In deep river valleys and on high mountaintops.
Some will surprise you and some will be planned,
And you'll roll through each one saying, "I think I can!"

You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark,
And you'll wish for a light or even a spark.
You might get scared or a little bit sad,
Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.

So here's some advice to help ease your doubt:
The track you took in must also go out.
So steady yourself and just keep on going--
Before you know it, some light will be showing.
And then you'll be out, heading to a new place.
You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face.

Sometimes you'll look up and see planes in the sky,
And you'll think to yourself, "I wish I could fly."
The cars on the roads will seem quick and free--
You'll feel stuck on your track and think, "I wish that was me."

But the plane might wish he could get out of the air,
Saying, "I wish I could travel like that train down there."
The cars will watch as you seep right along,
And they'll say to each other,
"Look how fast and how strong!"
Don't worry about not being a car or a plane,
Just enjoy the trip you'll take as a train.

Don't be afraid to toot your own horn,
If you need to be heard or there are people to warn.
Or if being yourself just makes you so proud,
That you want to share it and sing it out loud.

You'll follow your track
through twists and through bends,
And stop at new stops and pick up new friends.
They'll all come aboard with smiles and greetings.
You'll have such great times
with the people you're meeting.

On the days when you're sad and feel you can't go,
Speak up and ask a friend for a tow.
That's what friends do, so don't be afraid.
You'd do the same if your friend needed aid.

You might stop at some stops that you never have toured,
And look for new friends, but they won't come aboard.
So you'll have to head out with a creak and a groan,
Setting out once again on your track, all alone.

Try to remember that the world is so wide,
Full of all kinds of people with their own trains to ride.
Just stay true to yourself as you travel your track,
With no second-guessing and no looking back.

Once you're on the right track, you'll probably say,
"This one is mine-- I'm here to stay."
Try to enjoy the track that you choose--
Stop now and then to take in the views.

If you rush forward, as a general rule,
Before you arrive, you could run out of fuel.
Don't overwork, but save up some strength.
That way, every day, you can travel great lengths.

You'll need all that strength on the days when you're stuck,
Or tired, or sad, or just out of luck.

When your belief in yourself doesn't feel quite so pure,
And your "I think I can" doesn't sound quite so sure.

That's when to push and to strive and to strain,
To show the world you're not a giving-up train.
And you're wise if you know that doing your best
Means that sometimes you should just slow down and rest.

Speeding through your whole trip will bring only sorrow,
So slow down today to be happy tomorrow.

There's more about life that you'll learn as you go,
Because figuring things out on your own helps you grow.
Just trust in yourself, and you'll climb every hill.
Say, "I think I can!" and you know what?
You will!


LOVE IT!!!! <3 I believe in all of you and hope you believe in yourselves too

Catching up

Okay so I have had a few things I've wanted to blog about abut all very little so i'm just going to mix them all on here.

1. I always thought Before and After work out progress pictures weren't fully true because you always look like a mess in the before picture and your smiling in the after. But your smiling because you are feeling different and accomplishing things, your so proud of yourself. In before pictures you usually don't feel at your best so it's understandable you look like a mess. Just a random thing I used to think.

2. About a week ago I went to the dentist. I almost always get semi bad news. first they took my blood pressure which I thought was weird since it was just a normal cleaning appointment. It was 97/52 which is low! But I feel fine, its just because I work out a lot more then I used to. I was always low on the normal scale now i'm high on the low scale =] But anyways to the bad news.... I have 13 cavities, only 2 bad enough to fix. But OMG I almost cried I've never had that much bad news before. But they gave me things to work on.
My morning routine is regular toothpaste, mouth wash, and prescription toothpaste
My night routine is floss, regular toothpaste, mouth wash, and prescription toothpaste
And I fully believe if I ALWAYS follow this routine that my cavities will go away. And I have been. The toughest was regular floss (not the pick kind) because its SO hard to get to my back teeth but i'm getting better at it.

3. So my eating hasn't been amazing, mixed with partly because we've been trying to eat all of our food before we leave on vacation we haven't wanted to buy other little things. But also it's a lot of work. So after vacation I WILL focus on food prepping better! It really helped my mood because I've been feeling emotional lately because i'm not eating enough or eating the wrong foods. But i'm also loving food more then I used to so we are slowly fixing things =]

4. Because we this last week before leaving on vacation has been crazy I decided to do 5AM work outs at the gym to get that out of the way so I didn't miss evening classes. It's actually been pretty amazing because it's done and then I have more time with my family in the evenings. Now I don't love it, and I struggle more to want to work out because it's morning but each time i'm glad it's done. I've been working on the importance of being together as a family more and by doing morning workouts I have that. So after vacation I may still keep it up. We will see but then I am ready for the boys. I have been super tired though by 6:30-7:00 and going to bed earlier but sometimes I sleep better at night because of it. One of the hard parts is I feel cold in the morning so leaving to go somewhere is killer so sometimes I sneak in the sauna for a minute to warm myself up before warming up during a workout.

5. Blessings! On Friday the 3 diamonds that are connected together on my wedding ring were gone! I had been a few places so and it was small enough that I didn't think I would EVER find it because it could be anywhere! I skimmed the house a bit and cried and knelt down and prayed. If anyone could help me find it, it would be Heavenly Father. But I had my doubtful moments still because I'm like there is just no way, its so small. And I've heard of miracles similar that they found the little things. And I hate to admit I still doubted and I prayed to help my unbelief and my doubt because this ring was cherished, and was a reminder of the love Spencer and I have. We still have the love without the ring but I loved it. Days went by and I just thought about it but doubted I would find it now. But here's my miracle. Tuesday night we knelt as a family on our living room floor for nightly prayer like we always do. And it was my turn to say the prayer, as I was praying I peeked my eyes open because the children don't always sit still (of course lol) and there was a little something that caught my eye as I was ending my prayer I reached for it just to see if maybe it was my diamonds.....and my last few words of prayer escalated in excitement of oh my gosh!!! and ended the prayer and said OH MY GOSH I found it I found the diamonds!!! I still am in shock and feel so blest that I was able to have this little but amazing miracle and I knelt down and thanked God for helping me see and find it.
The funny thing is I am positive we vacuumed the carpet but somehow it was still there. Had it been in that spot the whole time? I have no idea but am so thankful!

6. Serving others! I so easily get worked up about myself and my problems. I get down and grumpy and moody and beat myself up over so many things. But when I drop that to the side and think of my dear friends and the strangers I come in contact with i'm blest with love! You can do the simplest thing to be kind to others and it almost always seems to make their whole day! And then your filled with love and happiness which makes anyone feel better.
It's funny because whenever I pray to be selfless and try my best to think of others is when strangers and friends seem to say the sweetest thing to me or do the smallest gesture which warms my heart.
It shouldn't be so surprisingly when someone does the littlest act of kindness but in this world even the smallest thing like opening a door for someone rarely ever happens. I am filled with gratitude when someone just holds the door open for me usually because I have two little kids with me and only so many hands to carry other things. I just always prepare to do things myself because I know not everyone will just offer to help but I need to work on being humble enough to ask for help when I do truly need it. The smallest note or letter, or a smile, any little thing makes a persons day. But I could say thank you more to even the littlest things in my daily life as a mom and wife.

It's been a crazy week, i've been stretched some days trying to get things done while trying not to let it out on my body or my children or husband. There are days I feel terrible that it doesn't look like I did anything but then I step back and remind myself that with two little kids sometimes the smallest errand takes double the effort because like I said I only have so many hands ;) But I can work harder, I can be better and just remember that I might have set backs and bad days but that doesn't mean it needs to effect the whole day or that it will never get better.

We are leaving on Friday to see family, it's almost been a year since we moved here. I am filled with excitement because I miss having family right there. But Oregon has become my home where I've grown and become a person I always hoped for but never thought I would become. And I hate to leave it even for 2 weeks lol I hate to leave the people I see almost daily that i've grown to love and care for so much! They've become my Oregon family. Thank heavens for technology! And lets me honest i'm not looking forward to saying goodbyes to my family again, it's always so hard!

Much love to my small list of readers!

         

Seca Scan 2

Results are in for me!
Last time I posted pictures, this time i'm just going to type out the information!

Weight: THEN 124.78 NOW 122.47
Fat mass: THEN 29.1% NOW 27.2%
Waist Circumference: THEN 32 inches NOW 30 inches
Whole Muscle Mass: THEN 37.8 NOW 40.1

^ this one in more detail

Left arm: THEN 2.29 NOW 2.45
Right arm: THEN 2.31 NOW 2.46
Left leg: THEN 9.04 NOW 9.69
Right leg: THEN 9.23 NOW 9.65
Torso: THEN 14.9 NOW 15.9 (this one I wanted to get a bit higher and I did just a tad lol

I could have pushed and worked harder but being the first time that I ever did a HUGE challenge like this I did pretty awesome! I will continue a good chunk of the new eating and work even harder.
I had an awesome coach and teammates, we always gave each other support and encouraged each other!

Sadly the next few weeks are going to be a bit tough. Adjusting to not being given a meal plan so now I have to come up with a plan which might change things because I may not weight everything and all of that but I will still be good at less sugar and eating more healthier things.

Then in a few weeks we go on vacation for 2 weeks so I've got to tell myself to keep eating well and set aside at least 30 minutes of cardio or some type of excersing so I don't fall too far behind.

I did take comparison pictures but I don't see much of a difference: lighting isn't always great and blah blah blah But the numbers show progress. I wish I had one of these done when I first started working out to see those numbers =]

Zults War Week 6

Last week of Zults, Week 5 of Meal Plan

This last week of very very little prep! Loving that because Sunday became a fairly busy day.

Breakfast: Peach Smoothie Bowl
It's very delicious, but doesn't always feel me up for very long.

AM Snack: 2 cheese sticks & 1 Apple
It seems like a lot but it does the job and I can grab and eat in the car

Lunch: Mediterranean Chicken Sandwich
It's okay, it's weird and I struggled to eat it. It took me like 30 minutes or so to eat it but its not terrible

GO Snack: 2 Rice Cakes with Peanut Butter and Jelly Spread on it
Seems like a lot but it's actually pretty good

Dinner: Caprese Chicken Skillet w. Couscous and Asparagus
NO way this was going to happen so I decided to do a dinner from a few weeks ago.

PM Snack: No Bake Dessert
It's like a ball of peanut butter, oats, honey, and protein powder. Not too bad

I substitute somethings but veggie is still that hard one. I just have to make sure I'm eating at least some veggies throughout the day.

I'm feeling pretty good there is still things I have to work on to make sure i'm less sleepy and make sure I eat and drink enough to not be dizzy or nauseous and every day is different depending on how busy I am. I feel that i'm looking pretty good too! I still have some areas I want to work on more and will continue to do so after the challenge is over.

I've had some food slip ups which is easier to do when there is bad food in the house =] but I use to be a lot worse and I always get back on track so it's a win!

The frustrating thing is if you do eat something bad your body is like AHH and your face then sometimes breaks out, you feel like you gained 5 lbs and feel yucky.

Friday I get my SECA Scan! I'm really excited and really nervous. Even if it isn't a big difference I know I've accomplished a lot more then I ever thought I would. I may be sad but I will try to stay positive.
I don't weigh myself and if I do its usually been the same number for forever (maybe my scale is broken?), its a good number but it doesn't mean much anymore.

I think I deserve a new beautiful dress, an new every day outfit, new workout clothes (because less fit now) and new running shoes. Just because i'm awesome and have come so far in more then just exercise/food wise. But there is always more to grow and change for the better. "Always a work in progress"

I hope everyone has a beautiful Tuesday and go ahead and leave a guess if you haven't on my new SECA Scan Score. The first scan was 29.1% fat so we want that number to be less.

Zults War Week 5

Now in Week 4 of the eating plan! It's going by so fast! I may repeat a few thoughts so sorry ahead of time.

Breakfast: Avocado Scramble w/ toast
I took out the avocado and mushroom and haven't replaced it like I should.... it isn't terrible but could do without the kale too but I have to keep something healthy in there.

AM Snack: Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar
It looks more like cake, and it's kind of dry but not terrible

Lunch: Chicken Strawberry wrap w/ poppy seed dressing
I only left off the dressing and this is actually pretty good!

Go Snack: Trail Mix
It's not your typical trail mix but its okay, somehow the cheerios are stale and I sealed them all up nicely. Whatever lol

Dinner: BBQ Bacon Burger w/ sweet potatoes
I took off tomato, onion, and BBQ sauce and doing regular potatoes instead of sweet potatoes. Now here comes a rant.... the list said to buy sweet potatoes and so I followed the signs at the store but it's really Yams that people are talking about SO LIST THE RIGHT NAME. STOP CALLING YAMS SWEET POTATOES GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE!!! How did this terrible trend of mixed names start, fix it! Because if your someone who doesn't know these things you are messing this person up!
Ugh this oddly enough drives me NUTS! Call it what it is labeled at the store, its true name!
This burger (turkey burger) isn't too bad, it looks funny but it's pretty decent!

PM Snack: Blueberry Banana Dessert
Not too bad, could of been mixed better if I still had our big blender but I made due with what I had.

Okay now update, I don't weight myself its kind of pointless really because I know i'm making muscle so why even stress over that. I know i'm gaining more muscle, I feel it when I work out. I've been uping weights and doing amazing! I'm pretty proud of myself, never thought i'd be here ever!
I am seeing a difference too in the areas i'm trying to make more tone.
When people talk to me about it though they usually say i'm seeing it in your face. Which is sweet but I wasn't aiming for a compliment on my face. And every so often I think my face is chubby so i'm like was it chubbier a few months ago!!! yuck lol

I didn't freak out much at all with this meal plan, i'm learning to just change things or do things different. I am freaking out about when this is over and i'm going to have to try to come up with plans on my own. I don't want to fall back into old ways so i'm going to have to really work at it and plan better.

I really should video tape myself when i'm doing classes because I feel that I look amazing! I should of done before and after things. I have been getting compliments though like my squats are A LOT better then they were, I have great form when i'm running, etc.

Now one downside that I feel is just always going to be a struggle for me until I figure things out or adjust things better. Lately I feel nauseous every so often just through out the day (maybe a sign I need food even though I am eating every 2-3 hrs) and if I really work up my heart rate I feel dizzy and nauseous. It's really annoying but i'm eating great and drinking great so my only thought is that maybe i'm still not eating enough which is very possible. But for someone who does not LOVE food I really don't want to have to eat even more lol
I am starting to love food a bit more though :)


In a week and a 1/2 I will be taking a new set of progress pictures, the last time I took pictures was about 2 months ago and I KNOW i'm going to see a big difference!
Just loving the bonding i'm having with my team and the things i'm learning.

Zults War Week 4

I made it through this last week, I LOVED everything I made it was yummy. The bread for breakfast was a bit of a fail though. And noticed my tummy had seemed bigger but I think it was bloated in adjusting to eating healthier then I ever have, and 3 days ago it was the flattest I've ever seen in it in a long time so we work it more and burn fat! =] I knew changing food would be BIG in helping my body. Now do I have tons of energy like I feel I should... no and it could be i'm lacking something my body needs or who knows!
I always feel i'm getting pretty fit then I do something like a 8 mile hike and realize i'm still not where I wish to be. I need to work on endurance, it was killer!!! I'm glad we didn't bring the kids with us.

Prep day is always exhausting!!! But we did it, cleaning as you go is the key but can be easily forgotten. and if it wasn't for my awesome husband I would really fail at the cooking part.

Week 3 meal plans here! (remember the first week of Zults was just getting measured and everything so its 3rd week for the food plan)

I got the eating plan and was like hmm okay lets do this! It all seemed fairly good but different but I wanted to try the real deals. I made very slight changes.

Breakfast: Homemade Crepes and Turkey Sausage Patty
I felt super awesome making the crepe mix then realized I mixed the filling in with the recipe! ugh, FAIL!! Other then that i'm not a huge fan of sausage but I didn't hate it. Instead of crepes this morning I just had toast with the jelly. I will re make the mixture tonight. The sausage was okay but had a kick to them (not a huge fan of spicy)

AM Snack: Kashi Krispy treat
OMG these are DELICOUS!!! And healthy... what??? lol

Lunch: 6 layer Quinoa Bowl (romaine, quinoa, turkey, apple, feta, cranberries, pecan, dressing)
I might not love the dressing. the rest is a interesting mix but I love all of it separate so together it might be really good.

Go Snack: Grapes and Turkey Jerky
I got a mix of flavors for turkey jerky, some is okay. It is EXPENSIVE stuff!

Dinner: Cajun Fish tacos w/ mango slaw
Okay so I really wanted to try this before I substituted. So Spencer and I decided to do like 3 days worth of the fish and then change to probably chicken. He said I probably wont like it but the goal is to try new things before I decided I don't. I'm a tad nervous for this one but i'm going to try.

PM Snack: Crackers and cheese
I got rosemary triscuits... they are good!!! and then just a cheese stick =]

The very first week of food I didn't cheat much, after that I started cheating here and there so I really try to keep it good and little if I have something.
And I've realized I've been short with my kids because I haven't gotten my "sugar" fix when they are frustrating and my body is adjusting to all this. But i'm doing some oils that have been helping me not get so easily angered along with pray for strength and patience =]

If anyone ever wants any of the recipes just let me know!!

Zults War Week 3

This is Week 2 for meal plan but Week 3 since we started!

Eating Plan:

Breakfast-
Banana Blueberry Bread w/ cottage cheese. (The bread isn't terrible but maybe it was a tad undercooked. I used to like cottage cheese but now its a lot of work to eat 3/4 cup but I got suggested to try with pepper and salt)

AM Snack-
Apple and peanut butter (I can totally do this one with no problem!)

Lunch-
Inside the Egg Roll w/Brown rice. (I was worried about this one but the recipe didn't seem crazy so I kept pretty much everything in it, it actually tastes pretty good! I didn't do the sauce, I was going to try it but was missing an ingredient)

Go Snack-
Bell Pepper and Hummus (I tried a friends hummus it was okay but i'm not a fan of bell peppers in general so instead i'm doing the Wasa Cracker like last time even though it doesn't replace a veggie....maybe I should of just tried to find a hummus I like and used carrots, oh well)

Dinner-
Mediterranean Pasta w/Baked Chicken. (This one stressed me out a lot when I read the menu. It was all veggies that I do not care for but the noodle mix I made looks good and i'm excited about the chicken with it. So instead i'm doing a few piles of veggies on the side)

PM Snack-
Mango Almond Yogurt Drop (i'm so excited for this, I only get 2 of them, I've taste tested and they are yummy!)

One downside to prepping is that food doesn't always taste good reheated so the noodles aren't going to be so good reheated and the rice wasn't as good and fresh.

I had a cheat day on Sunday, Sunday I usually struggle with being good with food. I'm allowed some cheat but I wanted to try and avoid it because I fall fast down to my old paths. But I didn't do terrible. I still feel guilty about it though.

Each week and some days here and there I have a bit anxiety over the food for many different reasons. I decided to ask Spencer for a blessing of comfort through this process of change.
Here are a few things said that really helped me.
*Be open minded to try new things. And I will find some new likes. (I am trying but I will try harder, when someone suggests something I usually slam a door shut fast to the idea)
*Everyone is different and has likes and dislikes (I know this but I guess I didn't realize that maybe I was just always supposed to live with some more dislikes then other people and that's okay. It just makes me stand out and I don't like it, people always look at me weird for the things I don't care for. So I need to know it's okay to be different and have dislikes)
*You will have success. It will be a success for you. (It makes me feel really good that this process will turn out really good. And that it will be a success for me, not someone else's success, that it will be something that's big and successful to me even if it looks small to someone else)

I still have moments and days but I try to look back on what was said and remember that I am who I am and that's okay. This will be a great process for me even though stressful at times. =]

I have been napping during the day for a small time because I've felt a bit tired but it maybe is my bodies way of adjusting. I also wasn't sleeping very well but today I don't feel I need a nap =]

3 of my 4 ladies on my team were able to get together and prep together, that was really fun! And especially easier in a BIG kitchen =] In general its nice to get together with the girls!

Friends

Last night this blog idea sounded great in my head now it isn't flowing together as nicely. So I'm apologizing right now if it doesn't make any sense.

I've always been the type of person that needs friendship. I'm not a huge social person but I like getting together with great people (preferably not big groups i'm more a one on one person, at most maybe 4 people) and talking and laughing and just enjoying each others company.

If you've seen the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I always wanted like that group of friends that we just were always friends from little kids until we were old. And I never felt I ever had that. I've come to realize most people don't have that.

Once I've found at least one good friend in a place I know that I will be okay, and I've always had at least one. One of those friends that you can talk to them about ANYTHING and your 100% comfortable with them.

In Michigan I had lots of friends in different stages of my life but I had TWO friends that were my constant friends and that made me better and I felt happy to the point that I really felt I was being myself. (this does not mean my other friends were bad but I think we all know there is always that few amount that you click with so much better then the others)

In Utah I've had some great friends here but as I got older there is ONE who has just been the best and I love her to pieces. And we are always there for one another and understand each other and be so stupid together and it doesn't matter.

I know I've said this before that I worried about making friends in Oregon because this time I only had my little family and not other family to go to if I didn't have any friends. I've met some great people here but I can say that there is at least TWO at the moment that are amazing people. They both are there for me in different ways and I love spending time with them. I'm sure I will have more and get to know others better as i'm friends with them longer. But I've found it truly is nice to have a few very close friends instead of a lot of friends in general.

I've always struggled with knowing if the friends I make really care for me or if they are just saying things because they think that's what I need to hear. Or just saying things because that's what you say even if they don't mean it.

As I've been working on loving myself and not worrying about what others think of me. And as I've been growing closer to my Savior I have less doubts about friendships. I don't worry as much if they really meant what they said or if I was a bit too weird that one time we hung out.
Because if people don't love me when i'm truly being myself then I don't think I should want to be around that. And as I get older I totally understand not wanting people around like that because I want people that care about me.

I can honestly say each night as I get ready for bed I feel an overwhelming feeling of love from some of my closest friends. They each fill my "love tank" even if they don't even know they did. I truly feel SO loved and not that people didn't love me before but I now KNOW and its the best feeling ever. Along with that I truly know that my Savior loves me too and that He is so proud of the choices I've been making.

It's so important to find the people that love and care for us because as humans we need to feel loved. I know my Husband loves me and is always there when I need him. And my children love me and rely on me. When your kids start saying "I love you mommy" without you asking them to it just warms your heart! (Isaac does this)

I've been SO blessed! I was telling someone yesterday about how we felt we were supposed to be here and how everything went smoothly. And she asked "Do you feel God has valitaed that?" (or something like that, has it really been true you should move here kind of a thing) And with very little thought I said "100%, I have grown SO much since moving here"

As women I believe friendship is very important, we need that social time to be women. If you don't think you have those Best friends out there or no one cares, you just might not have found them yet or you have and haven't realized they are that friend for you yet. And you don't always click with that person right away (sometimes you do) but it takes work to really understand each other and once you've worked on that it's quite a bond.

And my love for these friends have grown and I care dearly for them in all their trials and loving moments in life. I want to see them succeed in life and I see how amazing they are or could be. I see them at their highest selves. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

I am very grateful for the life I've been given and hope to be the best friend, wife, mother, and etc. that I need to be for people. Especially the best I can be to myself because I deserve to love myself as much as I love and care for others.

May the wonderful sunny summer bring you lots of laughter, joy, smiles, and love!

"I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness." -Drew Barrymore

^I think sometimes we find happiness through others and it reflects into us. I used to be sad or whiny in a way to get attention I was needing. Every so often I slip but I never feel happy even when I may get that attention. When I decided to be happy and i'm happy I feel exactly how I want to be. And its so much better to be around happy people. We have moments, we are human and we should always be there for people when they need us. But being happy and not letting things get to me have truly made a difference. But it helps beings around those happy friends!

Zults War Week 2

It seems crazy its already week two! On Thursday we got our meal plan for the week that we had to start eating this Monday (yesterday). I will not lie when I saw the meal plan I had some anxiety.
It wasn't what I was expecting and a lot I would normally say no way too but i'm trying to open up a bit and try it even if i'm pretty sure I don't like it.
Here is this weeks menu and what I have done to modify it. We have the same thing for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for the whole week. I constantly remind myself 1 day at a time!

Breakfast:
Lemon Ricotta Pancake with Blueberry compote & eggs (this one actually is pretty good its just a lot more then I normally would eat in the morning)

AM Snack:
Wasa Cracker (whats this?? haha its really a hard stale flavorless cracker to me)
Laughing Cow Cheese
Deli Turkey
(Once I put it all together it actually doesn't taste too bad)

Lunch:
Southwest Chicken Salad with BBQ Dressing & Ranch Corn Tortilla Chips
(I wont write the whole list down but I was like NO to bell pepper, Black beans, Tomato, and BBQ dressing and avocado. So I changed to add Carrots, celery, peas, and made a ranch cottage cheese dressing.....its not bad but I am NOT a salad person so I struggle with each bite)

GO Snack:
Almonds
Dried Apricots (this are okay i'm glad I only have to eat 3 wholes and not more)
Babybel Light cheese (I changed it to just a normal cheese type stick I eat)

Dinner:
Chicken Thighs with vegetable Quinoa
This isn't terrible but I do have to force each bite, I am also just not a big veggie person but know this will all be good for me so I ate it.

PM Snack:
Pineapple Raspberry Smoothie (and well this is pretty delicious)

I did notice I felt a bit more energized and my run I didn't struggle as soon as usual and then  I pushed myself even more in our Power class and did heavier weights.... SORE this morning.

I was hungry at like 3am when I got up last night and didn't sleep well because I tossed and turned from a sore body.
These first few day and weeks are going to be rough but its teaching me a few things and that i'm not a failure if I don't eat everything on the list exactly as written. And I'm learning some new snack ideas that I now know I can do and its not too big of a snack but holds me over.
I cant tell my body is  blah a bit as it gets rid of all the junk I used to eat and starts to really love how it feels with this new food.

It's still fairly emotion like I said I really have to not think too much into and put myself down and realize it's okay if I change things. And that over time I will soon love this stuff. Even when full I felt it all lacked so much flavor that I wanted food with flavor to it. I've been very good at not given in to anything but I haven't been too tempted yet =]

Today I have a headache but I think i'm a bit behind on water and things. But i'm really excited for all this new stuff and proud of myself so far!

Food prep was VERY long and difficult and MESSY lol thankfully my wonderful husband did most of it and he is doing most of the eating with me too so that's been nice. Our fridge it full of prepped food! lol

We will soon see if the below quotes are true.


"30% gym 70% diet abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym"

"eat less sugar (you're sweet enough already)" (LOVE this one lol)

"Junk food you've craved for an hour, or the body you've craved for a lifetime? your decision."

"You are what you eat.... so don't be fast, cheap, easy, or fake!"

"You cant expect to look like a million bucks if you eat from the dollar menu"

"Every time you eat or drink you are either..... feeding disease or fighting it."

SECA Scan 1

I've been debating on blogging about this. Because these can be very personal numbers, and usually I dont care too much but this is a little more deeper into your numbers.

And i've been a bit self conscious about them lately and even though these numbers might seem amazing to some, they were disappointing to me.

I join a team of 4 (we still need 1 more for our 4) for a fitness challenge called Zults War! I am SUPER excited for it! I've met some pretty awesome ladies at the gym and we've been taking some classes together. We all met while taking an ignite class with the awesome coach Michael who asked us if we wanted to join Zults War. We all said YES we are in!

It started yesterday on my 25th birthday! =] The first week we get a Seca Scan because the end results are based on how much percentage of fat you lost not just the weight on the scale. So we are aiming to make fat into muscle. Then based off our results we get a weekly meal plan each week for the next 5-6 weeks. (This part I will struggle with, my picky eater makes things difficult but I know part of my unhealthiness if because I dont eat well) But I'm ready for the change and will take 1 day at a time.

One quote I found that i'm going to be trying to read daily "Dont think about what can happen in a month. Dont think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be." I sometimes look at the whole thing and get overwhelmed but if I just think about that day, it wont feel so hard.

I am going to post a few snap shots of my results and example what each number represents.

The number on the left ^ is how much fat I have pound wise and what it rounds out to percentage wise. The goal is to make those numbers less. 

I thought this was kind of cool. You want to be in the green range so i'm good there but the higher up I am, the better. So on the left is how much muscle I have in my whole body and the others are what areas have how much muscle. so i'm a little higher on my right sides because i'm right handed. I can see that i'm gaining more muscle. Even though this was my first Seca scan I know my muscle mass is A LOT better then it was 3 plus months ago. Now my torso area is VERY sad...its a work in progress. 

I also liked this, it tells you how much water is in your body. I was 80% which they say 80 or better is where you want to be. Score! I have been doing pretty good on my water the past month or so. 

I know me and the 2 girls I have on our team so far are going to do great at pushing each other but the first week or two might be pretty hard tell I get on a good schedule. I've fallen behind recently and i'm pretty disappointed in myself because I haven't felt fantastic lately. My goal is at the end of May we are going back to visit family and friends and I really want to be the best I've ever felt and looked. Being on vacation for 2 weeks is going to be hard in general to keep with my workouts but I am going to do my best to get out and do things. 

I will probably post weekly or so to keep you updated on my Zults War 6 week journey! 

A Runners Thoughts

Today as I was running I started thinking how my brain is ALL over the place when i'm running!
So thought why not post a few things that are probably running through your brain as you run. I'm sure its different for everyone

"I got this!"

"Don't trip"

"Breathe in, breathe out"

"I'm doing awesome!"

"I'm not going to make it..."

"I feel sick"

"Your not sick!"

"Oh no I feel a side cramp coming on"

"Oooh great song!"

"I can't do this"

"I can do this!"

"I feel amazing!" *picture how cool I probably look while i'm running*

"Tighten your core"

"I've only gone 10 minutes?"

"Only 10 minutes left!"

"I've burned ____ calories, wow!"

"Should I slow down?"

"Okay I think I cant go any longer"

"yup side cramp, got to stop"

All while thinking all these thoughts, a lot on repeat I am also staring at a wall, or a picture or glance at other runners, or the tv that's on. And sometimes even think about random things that happened that day, or things that happened in the past, or things i'm looking forward to. I also think about things that have frustrated me or might frustrate me to push myself with that anger. =]
We don't need to list those things lol they are different for everyone anyways.

Feel free to add the thoughts that go into your mind that I haven't listed!!

Things I have learned Part 2

52 life changing questions from The Book of Mormon:

Chapter 29 "Do you look forward with an eye of Faith" Alma 5:15

Alma taught that we should "nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof". In other words, even though we may not yet be able to see the results of the spiritual efforts we are making, we should continue to make those efforts. In time, we will be able to taste of the sweet fruit that we once saw only with "an eye o faith."
"Faith as the evidence of things not seen looks to the past and confirms our trust in God and our confidence in the truthfulness of things not seen. We stepped into the darkness with assurance and hope, and we received evidence and confirmation as the light in fact moved and provided the illumination we needed. The witness we obtained after the trial of our faith (Ether 12:6) is evidence that enlarges and strengthens our assurance." -Elder Bednar
"We don't always know the details of our future. We do not know what lies ahead. We live in a time of uncertainty. We are surrounded by challenged on all sides. Occasionally discouragement may sneak in to our day; frustration may invite itself into our thinking; doubt might enter about the value of our work. In these dark moments Satan whispers in our ears that we will never be able to succeed, that the price isn't worth the effort, and that our small part will never make a difference...But God will bless you and open the eyes of your understanding so you can see the end from the beginning." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I just love this, it all speaks for itself in my opinion.

Chapter 30 "Can ye feel so now?" Alma 5:26

"If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"

Ask yourself when you felt that love "What were you doing then that you are not doing now?" (if you don't feel it now) or "What were you doing earlier in your relationship that you are no longer doing? etc.

Young Man: "I just can't shake the feeling that I let the Lord down because I never served (I put here whatever fault or mistake I made so it can apply to any situation)?

Leader: "The past is important and the regrets we feel are very real consequences of the poor choices we have made. Still, I think the Lord is more concerned about what IS than what WAS."

I LOVE THIS ^^^^ I dwell so much on my mistakes sometimes instead of letting them go and realizing I'm so much better now and this just made me realize he cares how I am now not how I was especially if I've repented and moved on from those things.

"Sometimes our regretful remorse can almost overpower the song we currently want to sing. We can't change the past, but we can repent, learn from it, and move forward."

"My sincere prayer is that each of us will take any necessary action to feel the Spirit now so we can sing the song of redeeming love with all our hearts." -Elder Quentin L. Cook



Then from a book "Healing the inner self" By: Melvin Fish

"Charity is pure love, or a love that knows no bounds, the pure love of Christ. Charity comes as a gift of the spirit and we all should pray for it continually. With charity you love so completely that you have perfect empathy. You feel what the other person feels, and you have the ability to truly see things as the other person would see them. This does not mean that you approve of what the other person is doing. You can hate what someone does and still love that person to the point that you would die for him or her"

"I believe that Christ cannot fill you with Light just because you "accept Him as your personal Savior." You must be a vessel that is prepared to hold Light. It is His atoning sacrifice that makes that complete cleansing possible."

"Because we only see people as they are now, not as they could be."
^In some cases I agree with this but the closer I get to the Gospel the more I see what people can be! It's amazing how your perceptive of people can change when you start seeing them how God sees us.

There were a few scriptures I know I highlighted and loved but flipping through I couldn't find them! haha I will and add them to a later blog.
Hope you learned a little something from these blogs that will stick with you! =]

Things I have learned Part 1

Through my now daily study in the scriptures or other material I've been learning new things. A lot I have learned before but either forgot or the way someone wrote it hit me different now. I share things on Facebook sometimes but I thought I'd share some things I've learned or liked weather scriptural our just other things.

First I will start with this one blog post I found on motherhood, here is the link if you want to read the whole article: http://www.scarymommy.com/motherhood-rediscovering-myself/?utm_source=FB

Let me first say only parts of the article apply to me, I don't agree with everything she says so I will post my favorite parts.

Motherhood-rediscovering myself:

" I made a promise to go looking for that girl, but I am not going to find her by going backward. The past has passed, and my experience with motherhood and marriage can bring about a deeper awareness of myself if I allow it. So I go looking forward, I go looking for the woman, and not the girl—the woman who is enough for herself and needs no validation to feel secure and valued in this world."
I agree that once you get married and have kids that you sometimes lose who you used to be. Not that you aren't amazing but sometimes you feel like you miss parts of yourself. Because you do become this different person to help love your family and raise children and fill new positions.

"I go to the gym, but not to melt off the muffin top. I go to the gym to get away from the kids, turn my music up loud, and reconnect with my body. I go to the gym to feel more comfortable in this body that has birthed two amazing children and manages to keep up with them on a daily basis. I refill my tank by taking the time to put the energy into my body that equals what I give out."
Now I do go to the gym to get fit and lose weight or tighten areas. By going I have connected with people and found great friendships and bonding. But when you have a baby it changes your body so much in some cases that by working out I've found i'm finding the new me. By a baby growing inside me it seemed to swallow up my old self and now i'm shading all that experience and finding now a new person. (Like a caterpillar in a cocoon into a butterfly!)

"I am enough. Yes, I am a mother and a wife, but I am also a woman. In my journey to discover my identity outside of my home, I found that all I need is within myself, and the compliments, care and compassion of others are an added bonus. No one knows how to treat me better than myself if I allow it, and there is so much strength and confidence in knowing that."
Oh yes, so many times I feel I'm not enough or so much is required of me and there is only so much of me to go around and help everyone and still make time for being true to me.


Next is from another blog post I found! =] https://ldswomanatthewell.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/hello-world/

An honest testimony from a not so typical Mormon: <I think Mormon or not you should read this article. I LOVED this!

"Living the Gospel demands a lot, but living “in the world” I found demands a lot more and it gives a lot less. It has an insatiable appetite with standards that are impossible to meet. Unlike finding completeness in Christ, who came in the fullness of Truth and Grace, the world offers us nothing. It will never fill you up, permanently. You will always come up short and be found wanting. There will always be more and more that you have to do prove yourself to others. "

"What starts out as a little fun, eventually you will find yourself having to do MORE to feel that same thrill. And if your curious about that, just ask an addict. I found myself feeling depleted. I knew I was living a lie. I felt confused and conflicted with my life. I wanted the world to like me, but I also wanted to get right with God. And I knew it was best for my family. I wanted to be better, but I wanted to be the BEST ME with exactly what I had to offer the Kingdom. I knew the times I felt the most satisfaction was when I was trying to live the Gospel the best I could without all the fancy footwork."

Its very true, no matter how many times I've thought I wanted this or that or so and so to like me. When I got what I wanted or felt I needed it never fully satisfied me. I've felt the most full and satisfied recently since reading my scriptures and finding love from my Savior. I still have my moments though of still thinking if I just had this or this person liked me I'd feel complete, I struggle with that, but I'm working on it!

"There comes a point in everyone’s path towards true adult like faith that a decision has to be made and obtained. Will I sit on the bank or will I dive into the stream of God’s love? Complete surrender of an unknown future to a known God. I, finally, decided that I was going to dive in. Head first. Not as some carbon copy of what someone wanted me to be and it’s made all the difference. Accepting the Gospel as me has allowed me to “approach the throne of grace with confidence” but also with a certain vulnerability which after everything is said and done, the only thing I have really to offer in my relationship with God is my authentic self."

"Have I been judged by my past or my tattoos? Yes, on both accounts. Absolutely, I have been offended by comments and actions by others and I have wrestled my faith because of it. For every one person that has made me feel loved and included, there have been one person to make me feel like I didn’t belong. But at the end of the day, at the end of this journey, it’s about me and God. When you are offended it helps to ask yourself these questions: Where is your heart? Your commitment? Is it on God or is it on your community? Because even if your heart lies within your church community, that it STILL aligning yourself with “the world” because your church community is made up of mortal men and women and they WILL disappointment you (even those with the best intentions). Your heart needs to transcend your community where offenses are not heard and received."

I loved how she said even in the church community its still worldly. Because the pure love is from Christ, doesn't mean we shouldn't love everyone and never talk to anyone or be friends with them but our heart belongs with God. We all can be mean to anyone and make mistakes and hurt others but one person that wont ever disappoint us is God.

"I am a Sinner. If you’re looking for perfection, you will be disappointed by me. I am a broken woman with a broken past, but it’s through that brokenness that light is able to shine through. When I learned to accept my past, accept WHO I was….those mistakes and transgressions no longer have power over me. “My chains are gone…I’ve been set free.” There is “freedom in Christ” because I am no longer bound to what I have done."

We should never be held down and bound to our mistakes and past. I struggle sometimes with letting go 100% of the past mistakes and I think that weighs me down. But our past has shown us how much we have grown and changed.

"Elder Maxwell said this,
“Personal sacrifice never was placing an animal on the alter. Instead it is a willingness to place the animal in us upon the alter”
The animal IN us, all of us. I loved that because my former self was this wild untamed thing, from the way that I acted to the way I reacted to life. We all struggle up the same path to Eternity. We are God’s greatest work, no matter what condition we may be in. We are the ONLY creatures on Earth that bear the image of God. That is an incredible honor and I am humbled by it. I cherish Him whose image I reflect. There is joy in this journey, but we have to choose it and KEEP choosing it. Joy isn’t an emotion, but a decision"

LOVE that it says the animal IN us is what we are sacrificing. Letting go of that wild, bad side of things we've done. And of course love that we are made in His image!