Don't stop believing...

It's been awhile, ugh sorry!
My new job is pretty good, I was left alone once on a slow day but then it decided to become busy and NO one was around to answer my questions. It became super fraustrating and difficult but it was a good learning experience. I love my job so much! It'll be difficult at times because I still don't know all the answers but thats a given since I am new and they are all so nice and understanding! =]
Guess what!! I am sick AGAIN!!! I was getting over it but then it all came back like a tidal wave and has pushed me over! Two colds back to back?? Or maybe its something else! I am forgetting how it feels to be not sick. I am sore, tired, my throats hurts, I am constantly coughing and slowly losing my voice.
That's what I get for running my body ragged. (idk if I spelt that right)
Spencer is so good to me though, he takes care of me. I feel terrible being so helpless but it's nice to have him around. =] He's one of my favorites haha
Yesterday we took couple pictures for Suki's portfolio. It was FREEZING but we laughed a lot which made us smile for real. haha He is simply amazing!
It's been snowing off and on lately, and I've slacked off on my workouts but I've been so tired and sick that I have no energy to get out of bed most the time.
Oh please just make it all go away!!! I have a life I need to live! Maybe I can get in to see the Doctor today...
It's interesting to see how the future turns out, I never would of thought I would be here of all places a year or two ago but it feels nice! =]
Off to get more rest, my poor body

Pieces of me

Fall…With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's your mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

by: Ashlee Simpson (love this song)

This is how my boyfriend, Spencer, makes me feel! =] He makes everything better and I love him for that. He makes me laugh, smile, and I feel happy. He fixes everything for me. I really have no idea what I would do without him! We don’t see each other much so I miss him a lot but it’s great when we do see each other. =]

I took my first accounting test today, and I was the first one done. And I feel really good about it, and for once I did EVERY assignment, except one, but that one doesn’t count. I really felt smart because I helped teach others problems they didn’t understand.

It’s been really cold outside lately so riding my bike to work as been a bitter cold ride. But this is going to get me in shape somewhat. I must workout in the morning still, been slacking on this because I’ve been going to bed late, lately. I need to work on that.

I am really excited for it to be nicer outside so Spencer and I can go hiking!! Maybe bring some friends along, maybe also go camping. Mind you I am NOT one to do those things but I am working on getting into shape so it won’t be as hard and I actually want to do it lately. My adventure side is finally coming out haha

I was able to get a radio for the office, let’s see if anyone complains. It’s nice to finally have music going though; it gets boring up here without someone to talk to or something to listen to. As you can see I’m blogging which means I am bored, but I also needed to catch up.

I am also in the mood to travel somewhere, probably won’t get my chance until May. I think I can wait that long.

I love my job let me tell you, it can be boring like I said but it has taught me a lot and can sure help me in the future. I am struggling to learn some things but it’s not too bad.

I really need to work on studying my patriarchal blessing…I just never have much time to focus on it. I really like that I have been happy for almost a WHOLE month!! This is fantastic =]

I want to write something inspirational but nothing is really coming to mind haha

I do feel very grown up going to school, having two jobs, living in on my own (with roommates of course), having a boyfriend, and a calling at church but still staying sane. =]

I have not felt like falling apart for quite sometime and it’s a nice relief, but can be stressful being so busy sometimes. It’d be nice to have a bit more time to relax with friends but when I have time I never feel like doing anything because I am always so tired. Lol

Almost done with work then off to my night class and to see my boyfriend! =]

Perfection

Alright so my life isn't Perfect....but lately it sure seems like it is! lol
Lion House- I don't work there often but when I did recently sadly two people got cut, one fainted and had to go home. But despite that stress right before we had to serve I was happy and not worriying about anything. And I was getting compliments and just having a great time! =] I LOVE the people I work with there
Connor Sport Court- I've worked there for about three days now so far and all is going well. I freak myself out sometimes because sometimes I feel its way too much. But in all reality its not. The people are great, just need to start learning all their names. I am getting more and more comfortable with answering the phones, just hope to get better soon. The other receptionist Heater and I have a lot in common. And we get along pretty well. She's really nice. And I am learning lots!
School- It's going pretty well. I sometimes struggle to find time to do homework and to concentrate. Accounting is the big one but with Spencers help its been not so stressful it feels. All my teachers are pretty nice so this makes it better
Keyboard- My laptop keyboard has been through a lot because I have spilt stuff on it. I got ihe it cleaned after the first two times with milk. This second time with Suki's green smootie crap I haven't and so when I use the letters. t,y,u,i,o sometimes the it will skip my cursor up to a different apragraph and start typing. Its very annoying! I hope its fixable.
Spencer- My boyfriend! We have been dating for a week and so far everything is great! We both have two jobs, school, no car, and yet find time to do homework together and see each other. He is amazing and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. =]
Cold- Is finally departing from me! I can breathe through my nose so I sleep better. I only cough occasionaly and my throat doesn't hurt much. so yay!
Roommates- They are home more then I am now, which is really odd. haha Suki is doing fantastic, happy as  always! Mary has been getting some interviews and we all seem to be feeling much better!
Church- Trying to do more with my service calling but you can only do so much sometimes. But it keeps me busy. I've been going to Missionary prep and its a really intersting class. I go to FHE and am reading my scriptures. Right now I am studying my Patriarchal blessing, and it is an amazing thing!
Working out- Because of my cold i've been slacking becasue I couldn't breathe but riding my bike to work has been helping me with that partly. But starting on Monday  I will get back to my normal 6am schedule and workout because I need to get in shape! So I can be more healthier.
Grateful is what I am! =]

update

OKAY so i forget when I last have written in this since my life is SO busy now. It's really late and I don't remember much. I still have a cold. I am still dating my wonderful boyfriend. My new job is going pretty good, it is gonna take time to get used to. My butt is bruised from riding my bike to and from work. I don't have much of a life outside of work and school. ummmm thats it for now =] Just a quick update is all

First day

The middle of the second week of school, I am still not super stressed. I am taking things day by day and doing all my homework as soon as possible so then I don't stress about it. Here is the problem though, I have this TERRIBLE cold that makes me feel like my head is going to explode! Medicine doesn't do too much, sleep is like pointless but I am exhuasted!! I haven't been able to drink lots of liquid because of where I have been but trying. I am happy but my body hates me. I haven't been able to work out because I can't breathe through my nose. I am constantly sneezing. After my classes I took the bike to trax then rode it to work, got to work in about 15 minutes =] But KILLER on the legs and throat since I am sick. But not too bad, and its a little too tall for me. My backpack is an over the shoulder so its heavy and tips me off my bike sometimes. I need a different backpack again. I went to work for 5 hours. My first day, everyone was explaining everything and I listened but I was embarrased because I was constantly blowing my nose and everything. Heather the other receptionist is really nice. Every is way nice and happy for me to be there but DUDE so many names and things to try to remember. It will take me a bit to remember them all. But I really like my job and the people, its going to take a lot out of me though. And when we are bored I may just go crazy!
I learned that I make more an hour then my two older siblings which I find kind of funny. Sorry
This would be a lot easier without this cold. But I got an awesome name badge =]
Then remembered that I have a class tonight so here I am hurrying to finish my paper for it and then in it for 1 1/2 then on to accounting homework. All I know is I couldn't do this without Spencer =]
I also get to see Miriah tonight, it seems like forever since I have seen her!!!
I hope the nose running stage finishes up tonight, my poor nose is bright red. EEK
Wish me luck with my crazy now busy life, it will be fun though!!!

Blah

Alrighty it's official, I now have my first cold of the winter. Thanks to my wonderful roommate Suki. I feel like crap, okay not completely yet. But now I am back to not sleeping very well cuz I can't breathe through my nose. My mom stopped by with a bike for me =] It's going to be kind of hard because the bike is heavy so on trax is gonna suck. Then we went to Target to get some work pants for me. Sadly we found only one but still one more then I had.
Yesterday was SOOO much fun!! Mariah, Spencer, Andrew, and I went for a walk around Salt Lake City and took some random pictures. =] We walked forever!!! It was crazy but I was having so much fun I didn't even notice.
Later I went to Katherines mom again and she helped get rid of my fear and frustration of accounting. So far it seems to be working. She related it back to when I was three and I probably had to perform a task of some kind but I didn't understand how to. Because I was 3 I didn't know how to resolve the problem so I held on to it. she said that when I get frustrated I go back to when I was 3 and I still can't fix it cuz my mind thinks I am 3. The front of your forhead is where neurotransmitters are sent and connect when you are thinking When I think about math it works only 7% after we were done it was about 80% =] Crazy!!!
I feel lots better, it sure takes a lot of energy out of you though thats for sure.
When I got back I hurried to get ready for the hot tub at Spencers with Mariah and Andrew =] It was nice and relaxing. We just kind of goofed around. Then we went up and watched some Psych =] Great tv show!! Then went home around 1030 and straight to bed because I was EXHUASTED!!!
Now good morning, slept terrible and didn't work out because I was so tired. I will start again tomorrow for sure on working out. I can't let the cold take over or not enough sleep.
oh in accounting today our teacher called names of people to stand up, I was one of them. Then she said these are the people that get it! They can help you. I feel honored but man I really don't get it without help from Spencer. Maybe I do more then I realize who knows. But wow pressure lol
Devotional was great today, it was on happiness and choices.
Then after Mariah gets out of class we are going to gateway for a few then off I go to work with Kimmy!!! I miss her lots, then homework for the rest of the day. Fun fun fun. I just love school =]
I start my training tomorrow for my other job, wish me luck!

News

Whille once again I don't remember tons of what happened lately but I will write what I do remember lol
Yesterday Mariah and I went to the Car Expo with my dad, Stephanie, and Jerimiah while Jessica and my mom went out for a bit. It was surprisngly amazing! I think cars are cool but I really don't know much about them. We walked in and OMG, they were all so shiny and brand new I just LOVED IT!!! Jerimiah would climb in and out of cars which took forever so Mariah and I walked through fast and sat in cars we just loved =] here are some pictures!!


"Pick up never had a better load" lol



A mazda, it was beautiful I didn't want to get out

Our reflection in the shiny car =]

A Honda Civic, it looks like I was meant for it =]

Everything seems to be just falling into place for me. I have to remember to breathe sometimes becasue my life is now moving so fast. There is nothing wrong with it but I can't miss special moments.
I am learning a lot about life and myself and others. Making new friends and meeting new people.
One big thing I am learning is patience. Especially with accounting
Spencer and I are now offically dating. I am very grateful to have him in my life. He brings out the best in me and I am thankful for that. I am glad we have classes together or with my now busy schedule we would never get to see eachother. We will take pictures sometime and then I will add them to my blog.
Off to my busy schedule today: 1215 stake service meeting, church, 4 is our service committee meeting, then home for a few, then back to church again for ward prayer.
Thankfully my parents were able to fix the bike so I get it on Monday, now I can ride to work instead of walk and get my shoes soaking wet. =] and I get there faster lol

Job interview part 2

Holy freaking cow you will never guess what happened yesterday! About two hours after the interview 2 I get a phone call.... from Cindy the person who just interviewed me. I GOT THE JOB, I mean how flipping amazing is that! I had a feeling I would get it but I wasn't 100% sure but man! I was grinning for a long time. I was so excited. I am also super nervous though because what if its a lot harder then I think it will be. I mean this is my first real actually job that doesn't have to do with food or servering people. I didn't mind those jobs but this is just a little bit more pressure. I am going to do my drug test today then start training on Wednesday. I am pretty nervous but weirdly enough my heart hasn't been beating so fast anymore. My heart needs to make up its mind.
Afterwards I went to school to do accounting homework with Spencer which well we didn't get very far haha but I guess we don't have school Monday but we are going to try to get it done on Saturday. We hung out with my awesome new friend Mariah. It was snowing and so we walked over to starbucks and got cider, yummy! And talked and talked and talked. It was lots of fun, we warned her about somethings about Salt Lake City, we tried not to scare her off completely though. Then we went outside and had a small snow fight it was beautiful but cold. BRR then Spencer left and Mariah and I tried to find an open ice cream place. Everything was closing besides the movie theater =] so we bought ice cream and popcorn and sat outside in the snow. So cold but SOO much fun!!!! We dipped our popcorn into our ice cream, sounds gross but its delicious!! =] Got home around 1030. Suki was already in bed but I needed to talk to her darn it haha
Then up at 6am for my 45 min workout ahhh, so tiring but it's going to get worse! School by 8ish then there until 11ish then 12ish to 5 then back to school to do homework. Pretty much every single day!!! If I don't write back soon it's because i've died from the overload. But I am pretty confident it will all turn out great =]

Job interview

I am really loving life! Basically school isn't too bad but then again its only the third day haha
Yesterday was a very interesting day. I only had one class, accounting no big deal. My teacher isn't too bad but wow is she a super happy person. Maybe it'll be easier to learn from her. Afterwards was devotional and it was really good, here are my notes:
Devotional- President Richards 1-11-2011 at 11:11am
He cares for your progression. Do our part, what's requires of me. Reach out to others.
Our church rises and falls on joesphs prayer.
Are you proud to be a Mormon girl? I am a child of God. Be what the father wants you to be. Do you believe it enough.... That you are a child of God. That you are precious to him.
 A willingness to be obedient and learn in the Lords way.
1nephi 16- could be a movie.
Key elements:
Faith- do you have faith that the spirit can talk to you and give you direction? Patience. Please hang on! Affliction be but a small moment. Faith is a principal of action which powers our diligence.
Diligence- sometimes we are asked to do hard things and we don't know why. Do not become discouraged! **"It was not our job to move the rock. It was your job to push it."
Give Heed- the instructions we get. It takes courage to move forward in postice ways and put away those things in our way. Being quick to abherd? Be quick to observe and give heed.
(patriarchal blessing, scriptures, prophets)
Will see you through the darkest night and your worst dangers.
Cautions, blessings
Were down which one of the three do you need to dust off. To polish off and pay more attention too.... Patriarchal blessing
By small things, the Lord can bring upon great things.
Be willing to just go DO IT!
14 verse and 16 verse
Kept then in the most fertile parts of the wilderness by following the compass.
Turn you to greater dependency upon God. Or have a plan.
You have the power to change!
"We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day."
Live the gospel.
ask yourself these question when you don't know why you Are doing is right:
1. What does it do for me?
2. What does it to to me?
3. How will I feel about myself?
The spirit is here if you seek it!

Anyways, after that I met up with Mariah and we talked for a little while. She told me the first thing she thought of me when she met me was that I was really pretty. She says I look pretty every day! That was so sweet, I almost cried it meant a lot to me.
Then went off to catch the bus for my interview but I MISSED it, I was just across the street and it slowed down but didn't see anyone so left. GAY! luckily my home teacher was able to come pick me up and take me. I was nervous at first but it went REALLY well. The person I would be talking with was so nice, and we got along great. I really feel good about this, almost 100% sure I will get the job. To get there I will have to take the Sandy train to 900 S then walk 7 blocks but what  the heck exercise is always good =]
Then went to the doctor, and stupid insurance crap messed everything up so caused my heart more stress so it was harder to breathe. They still are trying to figure out whats wrong with my heart. I really am it tired of doing this. By the time we almost make a break through I bet it will stop beating so fast.
When I got home I STRESSED out and started freaking out with everything I needed to do. Wonderful Katherine calmed me down and I ended up getting everything done even though I didn't get to bed at 12.
Then Yesterday, Wednesday, I was able to actually take a nap =] But had some trippy parts to it, hard to explain. Got my insurance stuff partly figured out for the doctor. Got locked out of my house. Then went on a date with Spencer, it was really fun, and simple. Then we had our lovely Pearl of Great Price class which I am really excited about!!!
Then got all my homework done =] Came home and finished up somethings and read my Patriarchal blessing, which a lot stood out to me more then before.
I slept in a bit and didn't work out but my dream was sooo amazing and made me so happy that I didn't wanna get up and make it go away. But I have my second interview today =] and then I will workout afterwards!!! Besides it being FREEZING outside life is good. And my poor roommate Mary is sick already, school is gonna suck for her

School

Well the first day of school went pretty darn well and I looked great =] Man tiredness kicking in today though. I really did not want to get up this morning and workout. But I did.
Our house is a MESS but ahh its hard to find time to clean it all up. Hopefully I can get to it tonight.
Yesterday was pretty good, I couldnt get on the stupid computers so I typed a two page paper on my ipod haha, poor thumbs. I ran into SOOO many friends it was really nice =]
Then my home teacher took me to target to get a backpack and some things. What a nice guy. Then went home and tyr to organize things. I realized I have english homework but sadly still waiting on my book so I had to borrow someones.
Then FHE was crazy!!! There were SOOO many people, but free food haha I got too see my new awesome friend Mariah. She is pretty awesome, we will take pictures sometime and show you. We played games but man was it crowded. But I did make myself stay and participate, sometimes not by choice.
I am SUPER glad Spencer is in accounting with me and so is Isaac,l Jordan and some other people I know =] We already have a study group going.
Went to bed kind of late, my heart was really good to me but I just couldnt sleep much and I think it was because of my sore body from working out hard yesterday.
Today I am ready for an interview I am having. I really hope I get it but I am worried because of my Thursday conflict that they might now =[ hmmm Pray for me! I could be really good that this job!
Then have my doctors appointment for my heart. Hope I can finally get something that will work and help me sleep better and not feel like I am going to die. Goodness.
But I sure could use a nap. Later tonight besides cleaning we are going to Hilary's bridal shower. It'll be nice and simple. We got a cute present for her. Hope she likes it.
I really want this school year to go great but still be able to keep up with cleaning our house and work and working out. EEK but life is supposed to be busy, everyday accomplishing something or trying to.

Life

Wow so basically I am really behind on blogging I feel even though I missed maybe two days.
But I forget things really fast so if I don't blog every day I can't really catch you up on everything.
Let's see I have been typing up a friend's journals for him. It's really intersting to find out how he was. My poor fingers but its so much fun!!! One journal of 5,656 words took me 5 hours. MAN but so cool!!!
Suki and I had breakfast with girls yesterday morning and it was SOOOO much fun!!! We meet two new girls and they were amazing and funny. We had lots of laughs.
In general I have been in really good spirits, happy, laughing and I love feeling this way I don't want to feel any other way. If bad things do happen though I need to know how to keep up my spirits. =]
I have realized a lot of good friends and who really are important and who really care about me! I need to keep them in mind because well they make me happy and bring out the good in me. Thats one of the reasons why I am so happy now. Thanks to these people, I think they know who they are.
Today I got ready for church and I looked really pretty I think, and felt great! Went to council meeting and our ward was packed but I learned lots could of learned more though. I missed lots of these people, I then went to Spencers. I forgot I was going to be walking like 15 mins and I wore my high heeled boots AHHH my poor feet haha We watched some of Remember the Titans then went to the fireside, it was really good. Bro. Christofferson was funny I like him =] Take ONE day at a time!!
Then Suki and I came home to get ready for school tomorrow. I am really excited but yet kinda nervous too. I heard from my wonderful "cousin" Wayne! I miss that awsome kid =]
Now off to talk to David for a few, I miss him but I bet he is doing well. He's a great guy.
AHHH school =] here I come, I am full of happiness and ready to start a new and learn things. I really should of gotten a fathers blessing for school it usually helps me stay calm, organized, and on a schedule. hmmm such is life. My new saying.
OH OH I almost forgot I realized yesterday how you think some people are SO great and u were friends with them for years and then you realized how they judged someone they knew. HOW could they believe someone they know to be liar over the person that ,meant the world to them!!! He is not doing what they say he is. I can't believe people would believe that lie. It's not their place to judge and its exactly what they are doing! I am really ashamed of them. I don't hate them but they went down on my scale. I can't believe it!
Anyways good night

Schedule

I am a scheduled type person without a schedule I just feel at a lose. This Monday I started a schedule for school. Wake up at 6am, workout, read scriptures, eat breakfast, shower/get ready for the day. Then go to school or do whatever without relying on naps to keep you going and then go to bed between 930-1030.
Its been a little hard but I've kept with it so far and feel I am slowly making it a habit. And on Sunday maybe also Saturday I will get up at 6am still (to not break the habit) just wont workout. If we sleep all day we waste all the things we could be doing. If you don't have anything to do, make something to do. Dont get me wrong I LOVE sleep more then anything BUT I dont think its what I should always be doing. Even though I would love a nap because thanks to multiply things but mainly my heart from anxiety I havent been sleeping very well. Soon my body will get used to it all, maybe even have some meds to help, and I will look awake and happy and excited for every day. =]
I am slowly getting there. I am mostly trying to work on not being angry at people at are happy. I should be happy for them, the reason I am not is probably because I am not happy.
BUT I have decided to try to appreciate things in my life every day because it gets you that much close to happiness. Appreciate means: to be grateful or thankful for, to value or regard highly, to be fully conscious of, and to increase in value.
1. I appreciate my parents and for all they have done for me
2. I appreciate the gospel and all it's helped me with in life
3. I appreciate blankets/heaters and the warmth it gives me during cold moments
4. I appreciate my job where I can meet so many great people
5. I appreciate the alarm clock I have that helps me get up every morning.

Ive also dedicated Wednesday afternoonish as my temple day. Which I will stick too, because i've asked to have work off on Wednesdays.
Everyone is slowly returning from their vacations to get back to school. What a struggle it is to stop the fun and relaxation and come back to reality. I mean at school you can still have fun but homework, classes, work, and church can take up much of your free time.
Try to have a new found love for learning and education and learn something this semester. I am really going to work hard on getting things done as soon as possible. Also, finding a steady job would help the worries of money.
Work last night was a blast!! I was going to be on the shift ALL by myself. I was setting the room, being lead, and being on late. Of A group of 20 which isnt bad but closing that big house by yourself if a little creepy. Thankfully Julie, my manager, asked someone else to help me out....Trevor. It was so much fun and everything went smoothly, it was nice to just have someone to talk to. We exchanged some stories of our lives and when the guests were gone we plugged in the speaker to my ipod and turned it up while we cleaned. Afterwards he offered me a ride home which was really nice of him. He is such a gentleman and it sucks that he was treated badly by his friends. Sadly, its a part of life sometimes. We all move on and leave our High School friends and even College friends. I'll be sad to see him leave for his mission (he still has another semester until then) but I know he will be a GREAT missionary. =]
I am really excited for this next semester. What amazing people am I going to meet or get to know better? =] Also, my goal is for A's or B's, no C's. With the help of some great friends this will be possible. I just need to have some faith in myself and dedicate my time to the important things in life. (so less tv shows and more studying)
Alrighty well I better get this day going. I hope to change my blogging to at night instead of in the morning, so maybe I can get things off my mind and sleep a little bit better. Work today ast 1:30pm on late. I am glad to have hours every now and again, makes me feel like I am actually doing something

Exhaustion

Well good morning everybody! hmm Let's see I now go to bed between 930-1030 and wake up around 6 and workout, eat breakfast, read my scriptures, and take a shower even if I have nothing to do today. Thats because I need to get on a schedule. It's going pretty well so far. Now just have to make the choice to keep up with it. =]
Lately i've been going to "take a nap" after all that stuff just cuz I can.
Last night I realized that I for sure do have anxiety I mean I have to. I show so many of the signs/symptoms. I just don't understand so debating if I should go to the doctor or wait for it to pass like it did last year around this time. But it sure is frustrating to try to go to sleep some nights. It's like every noise makes me jump and my heart starts pounding. Like I am afraid of something and well thats part of anxiety. you have crazy weird freightning dreams, you think that you might die more often then normal, you are snippy with people, you bite your nails, bounce your leg more often, exhaustion, pounding heart. these are only some but these are the ones I show signs of. Makes dreams interesting thats for sure. Soon it will pass.
 OH man the exciting thing though is that school starts soon and I am semi excied cuz I want to do better  BUT I refound the show3rd rock from the sun and MAN hilarious I forgot how funny it was. =] Leaves me laughing all the time. Sometime today I really need to get cracking on taking the DVD's back to the library.
I've also been trying to eat every 3-4 hours but thats hard when you have only so much variety in food. I dislike college life for that reason.
I have decided that sometime soonish I am going to need a blessing to help me figure out somethings in my life. Maybe help with my anxiety who knows!
Off to watch more of 3rd rock from the sun =]
Oh btw thanks Spencer for talking to me until I fell asleep last night, it really helped.

Negativity

I freaking love this book, somehow I have to let it change me. Choose to follow what is says so that I can change my life for the better. It says that 5,4,040 perfessional articles written on depression and only 415 on happiness.
Our world focuses SO much on the megativity in life, and I will be honest and say I do too, or did. It's a hard thing to change. But if you focus on all the bad in your life your never going to see the good. If you try to change the past (which I always try to do) you are really just constantly reliving all the hurtful moments which do not make you any happier. COME ON people lets wake up and see the good and if bad things happen, good things CAN come of it but I need help seeing that.
I always learned that being happy also is gentics. So if my parents weren't always happy then most likely I will have a hard time being happy. I have to work harder at being happy. It's a constant struggle for me everyday but if I am willing to put up the fight against it then I can win this. I do still wish I was one of those lucky people that don't have to work so hard at it but either way I get blessings with what I am given.
"But, as I've said, tere is a you in you that nobody put there. It will always be there, no matter how terrible the tragedies that try to snuff it out." This guy is a genius!
We ARE something or we wouldn't be here.=] When this book ends I don't know what I am going to get excited about. I really need to find out what I like to do and what I am good at so that I can keep myself busy and not go back to things that are my normal. The normal is not okay with me. I love it but it doesn't make me very happy. And this STUPID heart of my better stop beating so fast all the time, I feel like its going to explode and thats not how I wish to die haha

I slept for 10 hours =] It was a beautiful thing, then I got up, had breakfast. Read my scriptures and figured out a job possiblity that I have dreamed of and hope he want an interview =] It's perfect!! Let's pray for that oppurtunity. Then I workout and went to bed cuz I thought I was tired. I really wasnt though. I had some trippy dreams though. How you could go into this different world and there was this mean lady and a dragon we had to fight. He actually turned out to be a nice dragon and I found the man of my dreams haha Such a dream I know right lol Either way when I woke up I wanted carmael filled chocolate. We were hitting the dragon with some. lol I bought my english book online today for a lot cheaper....BUT it wont be here in enough time because I waited too long. Hopefully someone in my class will let me borrow one until I get it. Or photocopy some of the pages.

Someday this book of mine will get written and someday the dress I plan to make will get finished. Probably not until I am done reading this book. I am pretty darn close.....

p.s. I love my mom more then anyone in this entire world. I am grateful she is my mother =] She's amazing!!!

Happiness

Basically I found this book a couple days ago at DI and I felt the need to pick it up and buy it, 2 bucks no big deal. The title: "What happy people know" By: Dan Baker, Ph.D. and Cameron Stauth
Simply AMAZING!!! I have never learned so much in my life. I am a happy person but not enough to truly pass the happiness along to others. I seriously need help to work on being happy.
They said that most people are not truly happy in the world so I don't feel like a complete idiot.
We aren't happy because we have fear. We don't realize we are afraid of things though. I was trying to think what I would have a fear of. The top two reasons they say people have fear is: Not having enough (usually money) or not being enough. I think my problem is not being enough.
I don't think I am good enough for people. It doesn't mean that its true but its I think my fear. We can't always help our fears.
"The first element of the fear system is the brain stem, which is one of three basic areas of the brain and is the first part of the brain that is formed in the womb. The brain stem was also the first part of the brain to evolve in animals, 100 million years ago. Back then, the first animals to walk on the earth, the reptiles, had only brain stems. Because of this, the brain stem is often referred to as the reptilian brain. The reptilian brain holds instincutal fears and is incapable of higher thought. It cannot process complex emotions, such as love. That's why reptiles don't make good pets. A lizard will never learn its name or love its owner.
There's also another storage area for fear, which is located in the second part of the brain to evolve, the mammalian brain. The mammalian brain was first seen in evolution when mammals joined reptiles on the earth. In the womb, it's the second part of the human brain to develop. Residing in the mammalian brain is hte other important culprit in the neurological symphony of fear: the amygdala. The amygdala is a memory center for emotion. In particular, it stores memories of all of your painful and threatening experiences. It's a veritable haunteed house of memory. The amygdala isn't as primordial as the brain stem; it does have somepower to evaluate fears-- though not much. It's primitive warehouse for everything that's frightening."
Sorry I just thought it was interesting that the first things to develop in us is fear.
Later on it talks about another part of the brain that helps you rationalize and tell yourself no you are fine you are not going to be poor or you are enough don't worry. It helps you to stop worrying. We have fear because its a survivual skill, which animals really needed and so do we, we just have a hard time calming ourselves down and listening to the other part of the brain.
I wish I could meet this doctor because man I could use his help. Yes, I can read the book but sometimes its better to talk to the person face to face. It probably cost lots of money so no worries the book wil do.

I give blood today =] And get to see my mom for a little bit.
The hardest part about trying to get back in shape and stuff is trying to get myself out of bed early. Its hard at 7am, when school starts it'll be 530 or 6 and I HAVE to workout in the morning its the best time. I was able to force myself out this morning but I really need to try some way that works. Now getting to bed early doesn't matter, I have learned to love resetting my alarm. The thing that gets me up lately is my conscience. "You know you should be getting up, you told yourself you would. You just got up to use the bathroom why can't you just get up get up...." My brain keeps going so I know I won't get back to sleep so why not just get up and take a nap later if needed. SOO I got up and worked out but on 20 mins. I should take it slow, might be easier to stay in the routine. AND I read my scriptures so I am slowly getting there.
I can't let myself get a slum, this year/school year is going to be great. I am going to stick with things!

Parties

I keep writing posts the day after instead of the night of. I will slowly get back into this lol
Basically yesterday was REALLY nice because trax wasn't running. I slept in until 12 and got up and just was relaxing because everything was pretty much closed. The sad thing was our house was FREEZING and I was wearing layers of clothing. I am not one to wear tons of blankets because I want to actually be able to move and do things. But I guess we have to save on electircty so we aren't putting on our heaters.
On my bed I put on a electric blanket and then had 5 blankets, even then I still have to wear lots of my layers (sweater, socks, gloves) to keep warm. That's really sad. I can't help that I am warm-blooded (meaning I am always cold). It still is pretty cold in here. *sigh* Oh well.
We got dear Roxy to pick us up for the party that Karlissa and I planned. About 10-13 people came which wasn't too bad. We danced it up and I made spaghetti which was actually amazing!!! =] We had a cake to wish 2011 a happy birthday! lol
We played some card games and talked. It was really nice and I realized once again Mormon parties really are the best. Parties can be clean and fun. Jeff called me and we talked for a little while, it was good to hear from him. I can't wait until he gets back to good old Salt Lake City, it's weird being here for very few people.
Today we now start church at 1pm which I would like 11 better BUT I think this will be a really good time. A lot of people are complaining but I am going to try and love it. I don't think i've complained yet. I am doing better at this stuff. I may not always want to talk but its because I may be biting my tongue so I don't say anything mean. Its a slow process.
I've been reading this book called "Change it up" by: Amanda Dickson because I want to do better with change and she's slowly helping me. Also bought a book on trying to be happiness. I am not, not happy but I sure could work on it. This year is going to better I hope, I plan to do better. BRRRR
I am really excited to get out and go to church even though its just sacrament.
On a random note the UTA websie changed, and its cool but there are no instructions on how to find the times to get to places which is not okay if thats your only transporation so we are going with the paper I have and hope the times didn't change. I am very glad we don't have to ask for rides for church anymore. Thanks heavens!!
And I am ready to do better and love my calling again. Jared my co-chair has been to a lot of things I have lately so I got to see how cool he really is. He is so funny! =]

Happy New year!!!! 2011

Thee BEST new years party i've ever had!!! There was not a moment when I was upset about anything. It was the best thing ever =]I will write down names of people that were there, if I forget I am sorry.
Spencer, Summer, Mariah, Dianne, Spencer S., Daniel, Andrew, Andrew, Roxy, Sally, Karlissa, Seth, Suki and two other people I can't remember.
First it was just a couple of us and we watched The terminal which was a bad pick, my bad, and then played apples to apples and watched some of good burger. Then we paused and poured the bubbly!!! And got ready to count down the new year. It's hard without a tv to watch the ball drop and its hard when every phone company is either a minute ahead or behind on everyones phone lol But we did it somehow and cheered. Then some of us went outside and lit off some fireworks! It was FREEZING but totally worth it lol
Afterwards we popped in another weird movie but it was interesting. Spencer and I got the rest of the people coming over from downstairs. Then we started making breakfast! Regular pancakes and mixed berry pancakes and bacon and eggs! Yummy I know lol It was really fun, and kept the house warm but sadly everything smelled like bacon. While I was doing the bacon I burnt one of my fingers really bad!! So I let Spencer take over and I went to ice it. Afterwards Summer and I got our warm socks on and ran down the apartment hallways and were slidding. It was SOOO much fun!! It burned off some of the food lol I squeeled a lot I hope the neighboors werent home. Then we sat on the hall floors and talked and talked. It was great conversations then it was about 430ish and we decided to head home. Once again FREEZING outside. It was a great day/night! I am really glad this is who I wanted to celebrate with!! =]
This year is going to be a good year, I am going to make sure of it even if things go wrong I will keep it all positive. Here are some pictures:

I have arrived



Dianne, me, and Spencer



Us crzazy chicks, Summer, me, and Miriah



Giving Spencer a massage and basically us all chilling while watching a movie

There will be more picture to come!