I love music in general and Christmas time brings out some good music we don't always hear.
My top 3 favorite Christmas songs
1. O Holy Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H4xtRY9V7I
2. Mary, did you know? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifCWN5pJGIE
3. The First Noel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4iXatDeY7A
I love most Christmas songs but these are usually the ones that move me to tears or just bring up emotion. I'm not one to cry over things very often so if a song can move me to tears, that person was doing something right =]
I love Christmas partly because of the gifts because receiving gifts and giving gifts is my love language so I feel loved =] BUT also has me and most people thinking of the birth of Christ.
I remember when I was pregnant with Isaac around Christmas in 2010 I felt Christmas from a different perspective. Instead of just Christ in general I was relating to Mary and giving birth to a child, now she gave birth to a King. And just knowing some of the feelings she felt. And then Christmas 2011 I had a baby boy in my arms and she had given birth to a baby boy. I just felt so much closer to Mary and all she had went through to bring Jesus here. I can only imagine all she was feeling.
I think I wrote about this a few posts back around Christmas time and not imaging how she did it without her mother and so young and no doctors to help. Thankfully she was blessed with Joseph a caring husband who did all he could to make her comfortable.
In this life its hard enough being a parent and worrying if your raising your children right. I always tell people one of my favorite parts of becoming a parent is being pregnant. I didn't probably eat the best for them but they were protected in there and I felt like out of all my parenting so far that I did the best caring them inside. Once they are out you can screw up so much more lol
I know i'm not a bad parent but every parent makes mistakes and you worry it will effect your children forever.
On another note of Christmas I was thinking of angels. And I believe there are angels in our lives as regular people. And that one of their many purposes was to help some of us along the way in our lives. And that I've probably been or will be an angel to someone along the way.
I can't wait to return to heaven and see my life and see how I might have helped people. Hopefully I did more helping then hurting but we aren't perfect. And to maybe see my angels that at the time I might not have noticed were being an angel to me and my family.
Here's to being an angel to as many people as possible and seeing more good in my life video then bad =]
I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
I still can't believe it's almost Christmas, it doesn't always feel like it and that its almost 2016! A lot has happened since last New Years and I can honestly say towards the last half of the year I've become a better me.
I will dearly miss spending time with family, this will be the first Christmas were I am not with either side of the family. Thankfully I get to be with my own little family but am greatly missing extended family as Christmas gets closer. I hope they are all safe and enjoy Christmas and the New Year.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Lucky
This one time I went to Costco with the boys.... that particular day I got lots of compliments on how cute the boys were and asked me how far apart they were, the usual.
There was one lady though who was probably in her 70's and kept saying how cute they were and how lucky I was.
It really didn't hit me at first but today I got to thinking how she was right. I am very lucky to have fairly well behaved boys and lucky that I was able to have kids. I know a few friends that struggle with that. And it's something I am blessed with but so easily forget.
And in the future maybe I will understand how those people feel from either a lose of a child, or struggle to conceive. But for now I am lucky and blessed.
It is so easy to go through out your day to day issues and busy schedules to forget the things/people you were blessed to have in your life. And some people may never get some of those blessings.
My boys bring me SO much joy and adventure to my life. They make me see things in a different way. We will eventually add more cute babies to our family. For now i'm working on me because it takes a lot of work to bring these babies into the world and to raise them that I so easily forget to take care of myself. Right now i'm working on me for mainly myself but also to protect my boys physically if ever something were to happen to our family.
May today I look at the people/things i'm blessed or lucky to have instead of dwelling on the things I don't have yet.
Quotes:
"When I wake up and look at them, I still can't believe their mine. How did I get so lucky"
"No. We don't always get what we want. But consider this: There are people who will never have, what you have, right now."
"I'm blessed with everything I need. I am working hard towards everything I want. And most of all I appreciate & Thank God for what I have."
"I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I didn't know I needed."
Enjoy some pictures of them together, they are my world! And though they fight with each other sometimes you can also see how much they love each other.
There was one lady though who was probably in her 70's and kept saying how cute they were and how lucky I was.
It really didn't hit me at first but today I got to thinking how she was right. I am very lucky to have fairly well behaved boys and lucky that I was able to have kids. I know a few friends that struggle with that. And it's something I am blessed with but so easily forget.
And in the future maybe I will understand how those people feel from either a lose of a child, or struggle to conceive. But for now I am lucky and blessed.
It is so easy to go through out your day to day issues and busy schedules to forget the things/people you were blessed to have in your life. And some people may never get some of those blessings.
My boys bring me SO much joy and adventure to my life. They make me see things in a different way. We will eventually add more cute babies to our family. For now i'm working on me because it takes a lot of work to bring these babies into the world and to raise them that I so easily forget to take care of myself. Right now i'm working on me for mainly myself but also to protect my boys physically if ever something were to happen to our family.
May today I look at the people/things i'm blessed or lucky to have instead of dwelling on the things I don't have yet.
Quotes:
"When I wake up and look at them, I still can't believe their mine. How did I get so lucky"
"No. We don't always get what we want. But consider this: There are people who will never have, what you have, right now."
"I'm blessed with everything I need. I am working hard towards everything I want. And most of all I appreciate & Thank God for what I have."
"I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I didn't know I needed."
Enjoy some pictures of them together, they are my world! And though they fight with each other sometimes you can also see how much they love each other.
And just because I miss my pregnant belly- I rocked being pregnant! just saying
Isaac inside at 8 motnhs
Isaac 2 weeks before he came- look at that round huge belly
Jackson inside at 7 months- I look great!
Jackson inside at 8 months
Goals
I've never been huge into goal making, I don't have anything against them. I would write goals down but never break them up and really focus on them.
I figured to get far especially in fitness i'm going to need to really set my goals and break them down. So i'm a little early for posting my new years goals but that's ultimately what these are going to be.
First it will be my main goal and then broken in to pieces to help achieve those goals or what to do to make them happen.
Fitness: Keep working out 4-5 days a week
-Weights: Right now depending on the area i'm working out I can do 5-10 lbs of lifts for arms. I would like to work on my arms about 2 times a week at least and keeping pushing it and go up to 15lbs as my lightest weight if possible. Legs i'm not sure yet haven't worked those besides with cardio so I will think on it.
-Running: My main goal for this is to run a 5k eventually so work on slowly keeping my pace and adding more time or speeding up time to get to a 5k. Then in the spring I plan to run outside on occasions. Right now in 30 mins I can do about 2 miles give or take depending on the day.
Health: Make a meal plan for ALL my meals and snacks so I don't just pick random things to eat because i'm bored or don't know what to make myself, Make a meal prep day to help with the meal planning and food shopping list.
-Water: at least 4 of my big glasses and more after or during work out
-Food: More fruits and veggies and less treats, maybe at least 1 treat a day. Mostly I need to eat more food in general....it sounds weird to those that like food but this one is going to be tough for me. But with a meal plan might make it a lot easier.
Spiritual: Try to really focus on the Spirit through out the day and help those in need. With scriptures and prayer I really need to get up at a certain time every day so maybe 6:30am or 7:00am (test both out) so I have time to do these things before the boys wake up.
-Scriptures: Read a chapter of the scriptures a day and ponder it.
-Prayer: Meaningful prayers morning and night not just quick prayers with not much thought to them.
Family: Be together as much as we can. Really focus on the best parts of them. And always be loving and caring towards them. We are doing great at scripture and prayer time in the evening together so we are going to keep on this and then work a little better at Family Home Evening together.
-Couple goals: Still want to keep up with at least 1 day night a month but be more understanding and caring and do better at making lunches for Spencer =]
-Children goals: Jackson moving in to Isaacs room and Isaac potty training
Financial: I want to open a savings account soon and add maybe at least $10-20 every month first and add more later. Be better at grocery's and what to buy when and what store will give me the best deal.
Cleaning: I need to set certain days to focus on certain cleaning tasks so that I don't keep pushing everything until Saturday because I didn't know when or what to do.
These are a lot of goals so right now I will probably work on a few until they become a better routine and then add more =]
NEVER GIVE UP! I'm going to post quotes around the house I think too.
I figured to get far especially in fitness i'm going to need to really set my goals and break them down. So i'm a little early for posting my new years goals but that's ultimately what these are going to be.
First it will be my main goal and then broken in to pieces to help achieve those goals or what to do to make them happen.
Fitness: Keep working out 4-5 days a week
-Weights: Right now depending on the area i'm working out I can do 5-10 lbs of lifts for arms. I would like to work on my arms about 2 times a week at least and keeping pushing it and go up to 15lbs as my lightest weight if possible. Legs i'm not sure yet haven't worked those besides with cardio so I will think on it.
-Running: My main goal for this is to run a 5k eventually so work on slowly keeping my pace and adding more time or speeding up time to get to a 5k. Then in the spring I plan to run outside on occasions. Right now in 30 mins I can do about 2 miles give or take depending on the day.
Health: Make a meal plan for ALL my meals and snacks so I don't just pick random things to eat because i'm bored or don't know what to make myself, Make a meal prep day to help with the meal planning and food shopping list.
-Water: at least 4 of my big glasses and more after or during work out
-Food: More fruits and veggies and less treats, maybe at least 1 treat a day. Mostly I need to eat more food in general....it sounds weird to those that like food but this one is going to be tough for me. But with a meal plan might make it a lot easier.
Spiritual: Try to really focus on the Spirit through out the day and help those in need. With scriptures and prayer I really need to get up at a certain time every day so maybe 6:30am or 7:00am (test both out) so I have time to do these things before the boys wake up.
-Scriptures: Read a chapter of the scriptures a day and ponder it.
-Prayer: Meaningful prayers morning and night not just quick prayers with not much thought to them.
Family: Be together as much as we can. Really focus on the best parts of them. And always be loving and caring towards them. We are doing great at scripture and prayer time in the evening together so we are going to keep on this and then work a little better at Family Home Evening together.
-Couple goals: Still want to keep up with at least 1 day night a month but be more understanding and caring and do better at making lunches for Spencer =]
-Children goals: Jackson moving in to Isaacs room and Isaac potty training
Financial: I want to open a savings account soon and add maybe at least $10-20 every month first and add more later. Be better at grocery's and what to buy when and what store will give me the best deal.
Cleaning: I need to set certain days to focus on certain cleaning tasks so that I don't keep pushing everything until Saturday because I didn't know when or what to do.
These are a lot of goals so right now I will probably work on a few until they become a better routine and then add more =]
NEVER GIVE UP! I'm going to post quotes around the house I think too.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Act your age
Another thought came to me =] surprise! Your age really doesn't matter it's a number. So just because someone is older them or i'm older then someone doesn't mean I should be smarter then or that I am smarter then them. It's really on your life and how much education and experiences you've had.
I will be sad to admit that I've found quite a few people that are younger then me that I personally feel are smarter then me. It's not a terrible thing but if you look at the age sometimes I fell well I should be smarter then them i'm older! haha no!
Now I bet I know a few things that they don't know because our lives are all different and we have had different situations to deal with then others.
And with kids I've realized sometimes they get away with things because they are young but there are days I feel just like them and would love to be allowed to act a little bit like that.
Some days I can tell Isaac is overwhelmed with lots of feelings so he acts out or gets angry and you know I feel that way too and I wish I could just burst in tears or throw a tantrum (I bet throwing a big crazy tantrum would be fun)
We do need some mature people especially in public, there are already a few adults that don't "act their age" when they should. But we all have our moments and "breakdowns" from time to time. Being a human being is hard and there are some days so many emotions that we just want a break from "acting our age".
I will never be someone to lie about my age. Now I may not feel smart but I can always eventually take more classes and learn new things. For now i'm focusing on being a mom which does teach me things that I wouldn't learn in a class. I do feel though when we are older we become wiser because we are closer to death and see things in a different light. You are slowing down and appreciating more things, not always by choice lol sometimes our bodies just have to slow down.
And sometimes we just need a nap! Am I right?? lol
Quotes:
"I'm stronger because I had to be, i'm smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I've known, and now wiser because I learned."
"We mature with the damage, not with the years."
"Aging is out of your control. How you handle it, though, is in your hands."
"Some people try to turn back their odometers, not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved." (beautifully said)
"Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90...time is a concept that humans created."
I will be sad to admit that I've found quite a few people that are younger then me that I personally feel are smarter then me. It's not a terrible thing but if you look at the age sometimes I fell well I should be smarter then them i'm older! haha no!
Now I bet I know a few things that they don't know because our lives are all different and we have had different situations to deal with then others.
And with kids I've realized sometimes they get away with things because they are young but there are days I feel just like them and would love to be allowed to act a little bit like that.
Some days I can tell Isaac is overwhelmed with lots of feelings so he acts out or gets angry and you know I feel that way too and I wish I could just burst in tears or throw a tantrum (I bet throwing a big crazy tantrum would be fun)
We do need some mature people especially in public, there are already a few adults that don't "act their age" when they should. But we all have our moments and "breakdowns" from time to time. Being a human being is hard and there are some days so many emotions that we just want a break from "acting our age".
I will never be someone to lie about my age. Now I may not feel smart but I can always eventually take more classes and learn new things. For now i'm focusing on being a mom which does teach me things that I wouldn't learn in a class. I do feel though when we are older we become wiser because we are closer to death and see things in a different light. You are slowing down and appreciating more things, not always by choice lol sometimes our bodies just have to slow down.
And sometimes we just need a nap! Am I right?? lol
Quotes:
"I'm stronger because I had to be, i'm smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I've known, and now wiser because I learned."
"We mature with the damage, not with the years."
"Aging is out of your control. How you handle it, though, is in your hands."
"Some people try to turn back their odometers, not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved." (beautifully said)
"Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90...time is a concept that humans created."
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Clay in His Hands
I love this song, and there isn't much to explain the words say it all.
We go through all of these things in life to mold us to who are supposed to become. Only God knows what we need to become and we can't go through life without Him.
And countless times I know I haven't been centered enough in the Gospel and every time I struggle more then usually it's usually becomes i'm not doing everything to keep me as close as I should be to Him.
I was just reminded about the song today so I'm going to leave the lyrics here and a link at the bottom if you want to hear it, it's beautiful! If I ever had the nerve to sing in front of people by myself this is one of the songs I would sing. Music is so powerful and can really speak to people and say the things you feel that you never know how to put into words.
Enjoy! =]
"Clay in His Hands" By: Jessie Clark Funk
There are times we all feel unimportant
There are times we feel we've nothing there to give
That our lives are like the waves upon the ocean
Tossing to and fro, no compass from within
But our Lord, our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
At times along the way there'll be refining
As flaws appear that weaken from within
If we are pliable and trust in the Master's hand
They can disappear as though they'd never been
Because our Lord, Our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
Holding strong even through fire (repeat)
All our strength it will require (repeat)
But as God's vessel we emerge (repeat)
And lasting beauty will endure (repeat)
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
We are clay in His hands (repeat x3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko-4p0uUFS4
We go through all of these things in life to mold us to who are supposed to become. Only God knows what we need to become and we can't go through life without Him.
And countless times I know I haven't been centered enough in the Gospel and every time I struggle more then usually it's usually becomes i'm not doing everything to keep me as close as I should be to Him.
I was just reminded about the song today so I'm going to leave the lyrics here and a link at the bottom if you want to hear it, it's beautiful! If I ever had the nerve to sing in front of people by myself this is one of the songs I would sing. Music is so powerful and can really speak to people and say the things you feel that you never know how to put into words.
Enjoy! =]
"Clay in His Hands" By: Jessie Clark Funk
There are times we all feel unimportant
There are times we feel we've nothing there to give
That our lives are like the waves upon the ocean
Tossing to and fro, no compass from within
But our Lord, our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
At times along the way there'll be refining
As flaws appear that weaken from within
If we are pliable and trust in the Master's hand
They can disappear as though they'd never been
Because our Lord, Our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
Holding strong even through fire (repeat)
All our strength it will require (repeat)
But as God's vessel we emerge (repeat)
And lasting beauty will endure (repeat)
(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done
We are clay in His hands (repeat x3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko-4p0uUFS4
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Broken
This post idea came to me like most as I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep (aka having conversations with myself in my head, this is a typical occurrence)
We are all broken either physically or mentally or emotionally. I believe we are always constantly repairing ourselves from rips and tears.
I think most of us are battling inner wounds daily and some days we heal really well and then the next leave a big tear.
All those trials can make us stronger but will always leave a scar but without those trials in our lives we may never become the person we are today or will be some day.
I also think that sometimes we act a certain way to hide deeper issues we may have.
It brings me back to my ear infection where I was in SO much pain and couldn't hear right but when people saw me they never would of known what I was going through and how I was feeling.
Hopefully the way we choose to heal ourselves is in a good way but we live and learn. And hopefully things work out in the end.
I was thinking yesterday how sometimes we even look at people and are surprised by their actions and might even say I would never do that but then realize oh my gosh I totally have done something very similar to that. It's all about perspective and trying not to judge others (even though it's so easy to do that) and realize there is more to their issues then we probably know. I am guilty of judging people...I just try better next time.
I could make a list of so many things I struggle with and hope to one day be better at. But not that the whole world needs to know about my issues so I won't write them down here.
But I do suggest finding a bestie and talking your feelings out every once in awhile, it's one of my therapeutic methods besides going to a therapist lol
This just brings out how much I would someday love to learn more about psychology. The brain and emotions and everything are so fascinating to me. Why people do what they do based on past experiences.
I hope this all came out right, background kid shows are distracting my train of thought. I should of gotten up and wrote it last night before I forgot half of my thoughts.
Quotes:
"Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on." (AMEN! I know there are chapters of my life i'm not proud of but they've made me who I am and I hope people didn't judge me by those mistakes when they probably didn't know why I was acting the way I was)
"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."
"Always a work in progress" (I think this was the quote I was given, we are always working to improve ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally...etc.)
We are all broken either physically or mentally or emotionally. I believe we are always constantly repairing ourselves from rips and tears.
I think most of us are battling inner wounds daily and some days we heal really well and then the next leave a big tear.
All those trials can make us stronger but will always leave a scar but without those trials in our lives we may never become the person we are today or will be some day.
I also think that sometimes we act a certain way to hide deeper issues we may have.
It brings me back to my ear infection where I was in SO much pain and couldn't hear right but when people saw me they never would of known what I was going through and how I was feeling.
Hopefully the way we choose to heal ourselves is in a good way but we live and learn. And hopefully things work out in the end.
I was thinking yesterday how sometimes we even look at people and are surprised by their actions and might even say I would never do that but then realize oh my gosh I totally have done something very similar to that. It's all about perspective and trying not to judge others (even though it's so easy to do that) and realize there is more to their issues then we probably know. I am guilty of judging people...I just try better next time.
I could make a list of so many things I struggle with and hope to one day be better at. But not that the whole world needs to know about my issues so I won't write them down here.
But I do suggest finding a bestie and talking your feelings out every once in awhile, it's one of my therapeutic methods besides going to a therapist lol
This just brings out how much I would someday love to learn more about psychology. The brain and emotions and everything are so fascinating to me. Why people do what they do based on past experiences.
I hope this all came out right, background kid shows are distracting my train of thought. I should of gotten up and wrote it last night before I forgot half of my thoughts.
Quotes:
"Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on." (AMEN! I know there are chapters of my life i'm not proud of but they've made me who I am and I hope people didn't judge me by those mistakes when they probably didn't know why I was acting the way I was)
"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."
"Always a work in progress" (I think this was the quote I was given, we are always working to improve ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally...etc.)
Friday, December 11, 2015
drawn to people
Let me first start off with saying, both my boys are napping at the same time...it's magical.
And second I have fallen IN love with quotes lately. I find so many that seem to say exactly what I feel but didn't know how to say. They just hit home to me.
I constantly have lots of things going on in my head and blogging helps me get it out there even if not that many people care to read my posts. Maybe one day one might inspire someone or help someone struggling or help them feel that they aren't the only one that feels a certain way.
I love finding people that I have common interests with. But I always love getting to know all sorts of people. But I've found I'm drawn to a certain type of person most of the time. And I think that it's usually becomes I wish I had their personality or that I looked like them. Or maybe I need to learn something from them or they need to learn something from me. If we become friends that's a happy bonus if we don't then hopefully we learned something along the way.
Moving to Oregon I had to meet new people. Even though I have friends back in Utah or wherever they've moved to, talking over the phone isn't always as nice as getting together in person. ( Miss you tons Channelle) But either way thank heavens for technology when we do need that best friend to talk to about the random things in life.
My main point is I think we meet or run into people for a reason even if we may not know why until later in life. And like I said in my last post, I care what people think about me. (i'm trying to work on that) I always have, and people lie all the time that I always wonder if someone is just saying something because they know its what I want to hear or what they think they should say but it's not what they really mean.
I always worry about being that person that is annoying to someone when really i'm just trying to get to know you, it can be fun getting to know a new person especially if you find common likes and dislikes.
I just try to remind myself that everyone has their own lives and just because things come up or change doesn't mean it was because of me. (eek maybe I act a little selfish when i'm talking to myself in my head)
We are all focused on our own lives that it's easy to pass by and maybe forget about others. I'm sure I do the same things to other people. I try never to make people feel left out but it can happen so easily.
Yesterday I realized that i'm more of a one on one person, and I get lost in a group of people. I have more fun with a very small group of people. I love talking to usually just 1 or 2 people at a time and just focusing on that person.
I'm a work in progress people ( who isn't), we all have our own things in life we struggle with. We just don't always talk about how we feel now a days and sometimes then problems don't get resolved. I am terrible at communicating how I feel to the person I may be upset with because I feel like they would think I was being childish for expressing my feelings.
So when we meet a person they may not stay in our life forever but that doesn't mean we can't show them our best self and even sometimes our worst self. It's nice to share even out faults with a person because who knows maybe they have a great helpful tip or are going through the same thing.
As usually this was kind of all over the place and i'm sure I've missed some points I was going to catch up on but 1 child is up and crying sooo I will wrap this up with once again a few more quotes that I love.
"If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses."
"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life, or you're the one that'll change theirs."
"All I need is someone who can stay no matter how hard it is to be with me."
"I need someone in my life who is going to motivate me and who can match my goals and ambition
"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does- that makes you a winner right there."
And second I have fallen IN love with quotes lately. I find so many that seem to say exactly what I feel but didn't know how to say. They just hit home to me.
I constantly have lots of things going on in my head and blogging helps me get it out there even if not that many people care to read my posts. Maybe one day one might inspire someone or help someone struggling or help them feel that they aren't the only one that feels a certain way.
I love finding people that I have common interests with. But I always love getting to know all sorts of people. But I've found I'm drawn to a certain type of person most of the time. And I think that it's usually becomes I wish I had their personality or that I looked like them. Or maybe I need to learn something from them or they need to learn something from me. If we become friends that's a happy bonus if we don't then hopefully we learned something along the way.
Moving to Oregon I had to meet new people. Even though I have friends back in Utah or wherever they've moved to, talking over the phone isn't always as nice as getting together in person. ( Miss you tons Channelle) But either way thank heavens for technology when we do need that best friend to talk to about the random things in life.
My main point is I think we meet or run into people for a reason even if we may not know why until later in life. And like I said in my last post, I care what people think about me. (i'm trying to work on that) I always have, and people lie all the time that I always wonder if someone is just saying something because they know its what I want to hear or what they think they should say but it's not what they really mean.
I always worry about being that person that is annoying to someone when really i'm just trying to get to know you, it can be fun getting to know a new person especially if you find common likes and dislikes.
I just try to remind myself that everyone has their own lives and just because things come up or change doesn't mean it was because of me. (eek maybe I act a little selfish when i'm talking to myself in my head)
We are all focused on our own lives that it's easy to pass by and maybe forget about others. I'm sure I do the same things to other people. I try never to make people feel left out but it can happen so easily.
Yesterday I realized that i'm more of a one on one person, and I get lost in a group of people. I have more fun with a very small group of people. I love talking to usually just 1 or 2 people at a time and just focusing on that person.
I'm a work in progress people ( who isn't), we all have our own things in life we struggle with. We just don't always talk about how we feel now a days and sometimes then problems don't get resolved. I am terrible at communicating how I feel to the person I may be upset with because I feel like they would think I was being childish for expressing my feelings.
So when we meet a person they may not stay in our life forever but that doesn't mean we can't show them our best self and even sometimes our worst self. It's nice to share even out faults with a person because who knows maybe they have a great helpful tip or are going through the same thing.
As usually this was kind of all over the place and i'm sure I've missed some points I was going to catch up on but 1 child is up and crying sooo I will wrap this up with once again a few more quotes that I love.
"If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses."
"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life, or you're the one that'll change theirs."
"All I need is someone who can stay no matter how hard it is to be with me."
"I need someone in my life who is going to motivate me and who can match my goals and ambition
"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does- that makes you a winner right there."
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Balance
Have you ever realized that every once in awhile you start feeling like you hear or see the same phrase or word constantly....it probably means you should listen to it. =]
Yesterday I had a MUCH needed conversation with a friend that helped me realize a few things about myself and regroup. I can easily worry and stress over sometimes the littlest things and I think recently it got to the point where it made me feel sick. I try so hard to please everyone and not to hurt feelings or make people angry with me, but I know I can't always make the situation fit happily for everyone. What a bummer.
A couple posts ago I talked about starting to run daily and get into being more physically fit. I would like to report i'm doing great! I have joined a 20 day trail at a gym to try and incorporate more then just running in to my routine. I've never been a gym person so I feel a bit lost when I go but so far some of the group classes I took were fun!
You know that feeling when you (probably more women feel this then men) put on jeans after being in the dryer they fit snugger usually....well yesterday my jeans slid right on with no problem! One of the best feelings in the world =] And makes me feel like all the work I've been doing these 5 weeks are starting to show, even if other people can't really tell yet. It gives me that other boost to keep going.
This now gets into the balance part of what I wanted to talk about. Since I've started to go to a gym and work out in general I've been having trouble finding the balance and when I should go. I'll try and list a few things and reasons. I know some might seem silly and I will explain why talking to my friend made me see more to the issue.
Most of the stress is on finding the right time because I felt I was losing time with my family.
I used to work out in the mornings and found that I think that's the reason I would die out fast. I love being a lazy morning person especially since I've had kids. Since Jackson wakes up sometimes at 5:30 in the morning I just don't want to get up at 4:30am just to make sure I get my work out done before Jackson gets up. And I don't like being that stay at home mom who is in her pjs all day or work out clothes all day until I can finally get that workout in by the afternoon. (There is nothing wrong with that for the people that do that, its just not for me) I feel by the time I would get to the work out I would not care to do it anymore. I love getting showered and ready for the day even though I don't put make up on half the time or do my hair nice...remember i'm a mom so that hair ends up not pretty an hour later or that make up is smudged because they are stressing me out that day so i'm trying to keep it all together.
^ Above that I tried doing mornings at the gym and they have a wonderful daycare, Isaac did great but Jackson was struggling and it was just too hard for me to justify leaving them with semi strangers for an hour every day. I felt it was better they be left with dad and have bonding time with him. And in general it was just harder to get everyone together and set off to the gym knowing it was possible I wasn't going to get a good workout in because Jackson kept crying. Most moms know the struggling of leaving their kids at a daycare. I am thankful that's something I haven't had to do and so because I have that choice, I choose not to leaving them with a daycare for my workout needs.
Spencer has been working out too now and so trying to make time for both of us to work out without neglecting the kids was hard for me. I have found that the evenings work best for me physically because i'm usually ready for a break from the kids and that energy gets put towards my work out which usually makes me do better and gives me some "me" time which I've found has been very helpful. But because of some of the class times at the gym its us eating dinner later then usually which ends up sometimes me missing dinner with them. And we want to keep eating dinner together as a family.
Spencer and I and the kids all have maybe 3 hours together every night and if I go to the gym that then leaves only 2 (this is meaning until the time at least 1 of them goes to bed) And if Spencer goes to the gym before Jackson goes to bed then that only leaves 1 hour. I felt like leaving them ruins that short time we all have of all being together.
I don't think the kids mind me leaving especially because they get that daddy time and when I return they are always so glad to see me which gives me another little boost for the night. =]
So in a nutshell it's been great but still trying to figure out the semi perfect time for me to go, maybe we eat dinner first and I go later to work out. I'm usually STARVING by the time I start a workout even if I eat 40 minutes before I go workout. I may have to start bringing some healthy snacks or something. This brings me to another point. Eating healthy......I have noticed that because I work out more I don't eat as much junk, but because being a picky eater I stress so much about what food choices I can make that are healthy without them gagging me. I stress about food so much because now that i'm working out I need to be eating more since i'm burning off so many calories but I hate food. I mean I love food but because of being picky it means I have to eat more of what I already eat the same of all the time. And I just run out of ideas and so I've been trying not to over focus on this but when your hungry a lot it's not easy to avoid =]
When I was talking to my friend she brought up how her husband always says those are all little branches of issues, what's the root problem? It's hard to really explain but in a nutshell I think maybe my root problem is that my goal is to feel good about myself and not wanting someone to be upset with me because of whatever choice I make. In the long run I just want to be proud of myself and I feel that working out is working on a problem I've struggled with more then I realize. By being more fit and in shape I think it will solve a lot of issues in life I've had. I really working on myself to be better for everyone and for me. For once i'm trying to take care of myself and by doing that I worry I might miss time I could have with my family but it might help me live longer in the end. (My friend was right, I should of written some of this down because I think I've forgotten some things we talked about, oops)
Basically I need to be at least a little less lazy in the mornings and afternoons and focus better on cleaning the house, laundry, dishes, all of that fun stuff so that it's one less thing to worry about in the evenings. Now with boys that make a mess with toys, it wont be easy to keep up on but I will do better, I need to do better.
I've been really into fitness quotes because some give me the strength to keep going. So here are a few:
"Don't stop until your proud"
"You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow, you choose."
"I'm working on a new me, not because the old me is bad but because the old m can improve."
"The only way you will see results is if you stay consistent"
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't
"Some day its not about health or building muscle. It's just therapy" (this has become so true for me)
"I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't" (my #1 fav)
And lets end with some balance quotes
"Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender." -Danielle orner
"Balance- comes in the moments you stand up for the life you truly want by making choices that align with that life."
I worry about what people think of me, I know that's so high school but it's something I've always been really good at/ struggled with..... this leads to my next post coming soon
Yesterday I had a MUCH needed conversation with a friend that helped me realize a few things about myself and regroup. I can easily worry and stress over sometimes the littlest things and I think recently it got to the point where it made me feel sick. I try so hard to please everyone and not to hurt feelings or make people angry with me, but I know I can't always make the situation fit happily for everyone. What a bummer.
A couple posts ago I talked about starting to run daily and get into being more physically fit. I would like to report i'm doing great! I have joined a 20 day trail at a gym to try and incorporate more then just running in to my routine. I've never been a gym person so I feel a bit lost when I go but so far some of the group classes I took were fun!
You know that feeling when you (probably more women feel this then men) put on jeans after being in the dryer they fit snugger usually....well yesterday my jeans slid right on with no problem! One of the best feelings in the world =] And makes me feel like all the work I've been doing these 5 weeks are starting to show, even if other people can't really tell yet. It gives me that other boost to keep going.
This now gets into the balance part of what I wanted to talk about. Since I've started to go to a gym and work out in general I've been having trouble finding the balance and when I should go. I'll try and list a few things and reasons. I know some might seem silly and I will explain why talking to my friend made me see more to the issue.
Most of the stress is on finding the right time because I felt I was losing time with my family.
I used to work out in the mornings and found that I think that's the reason I would die out fast. I love being a lazy morning person especially since I've had kids. Since Jackson wakes up sometimes at 5:30 in the morning I just don't want to get up at 4:30am just to make sure I get my work out done before Jackson gets up. And I don't like being that stay at home mom who is in her pjs all day or work out clothes all day until I can finally get that workout in by the afternoon. (There is nothing wrong with that for the people that do that, its just not for me) I feel by the time I would get to the work out I would not care to do it anymore. I love getting showered and ready for the day even though I don't put make up on half the time or do my hair nice...remember i'm a mom so that hair ends up not pretty an hour later or that make up is smudged because they are stressing me out that day so i'm trying to keep it all together.
^ Above that I tried doing mornings at the gym and they have a wonderful daycare, Isaac did great but Jackson was struggling and it was just too hard for me to justify leaving them with semi strangers for an hour every day. I felt it was better they be left with dad and have bonding time with him. And in general it was just harder to get everyone together and set off to the gym knowing it was possible I wasn't going to get a good workout in because Jackson kept crying. Most moms know the struggling of leaving their kids at a daycare. I am thankful that's something I haven't had to do and so because I have that choice, I choose not to leaving them with a daycare for my workout needs.
Spencer has been working out too now and so trying to make time for both of us to work out without neglecting the kids was hard for me. I have found that the evenings work best for me physically because i'm usually ready for a break from the kids and that energy gets put towards my work out which usually makes me do better and gives me some "me" time which I've found has been very helpful. But because of some of the class times at the gym its us eating dinner later then usually which ends up sometimes me missing dinner with them. And we want to keep eating dinner together as a family.
Spencer and I and the kids all have maybe 3 hours together every night and if I go to the gym that then leaves only 2 (this is meaning until the time at least 1 of them goes to bed) And if Spencer goes to the gym before Jackson goes to bed then that only leaves 1 hour. I felt like leaving them ruins that short time we all have of all being together.
I don't think the kids mind me leaving especially because they get that daddy time and when I return they are always so glad to see me which gives me another little boost for the night. =]
So in a nutshell it's been great but still trying to figure out the semi perfect time for me to go, maybe we eat dinner first and I go later to work out. I'm usually STARVING by the time I start a workout even if I eat 40 minutes before I go workout. I may have to start bringing some healthy snacks or something. This brings me to another point. Eating healthy......I have noticed that because I work out more I don't eat as much junk, but because being a picky eater I stress so much about what food choices I can make that are healthy without them gagging me. I stress about food so much because now that i'm working out I need to be eating more since i'm burning off so many calories but I hate food. I mean I love food but because of being picky it means I have to eat more of what I already eat the same of all the time. And I just run out of ideas and so I've been trying not to over focus on this but when your hungry a lot it's not easy to avoid =]
When I was talking to my friend she brought up how her husband always says those are all little branches of issues, what's the root problem? It's hard to really explain but in a nutshell I think maybe my root problem is that my goal is to feel good about myself and not wanting someone to be upset with me because of whatever choice I make. In the long run I just want to be proud of myself and I feel that working out is working on a problem I've struggled with more then I realize. By being more fit and in shape I think it will solve a lot of issues in life I've had. I really working on myself to be better for everyone and for me. For once i'm trying to take care of myself and by doing that I worry I might miss time I could have with my family but it might help me live longer in the end. (My friend was right, I should of written some of this down because I think I've forgotten some things we talked about, oops)
Basically I need to be at least a little less lazy in the mornings and afternoons and focus better on cleaning the house, laundry, dishes, all of that fun stuff so that it's one less thing to worry about in the evenings. Now with boys that make a mess with toys, it wont be easy to keep up on but I will do better, I need to do better.
I've been really into fitness quotes because some give me the strength to keep going. So here are a few:
"Don't stop until your proud"
"You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow, you choose."
"I'm working on a new me, not because the old me is bad but because the old m can improve."
"The only way you will see results is if you stay consistent"
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't
"Some day its not about health or building muscle. It's just therapy" (this has become so true for me)
"I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't" (my #1 fav)
And lets end with some balance quotes
"Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender." -Danielle orner
"Balance- comes in the moments you stand up for the life you truly want by making choices that align with that life."
I worry about what people think of me, I know that's so high school but it's something I've always been really good at/ struggled with..... this leads to my next post coming soon
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Be a better you
Last night I was lying in bed and starting thinking about a few things. Since I started this healthy eating/ fitness challenge group I started thinking about things a little differently. I start these groups and usually only stick with them for so long and then give up or other things take over. Life is always unpredictable.
I usually start them and do well because I have maybe low self esteem in maybe the physical area of life. I get to a point where I need some sort of change because i'm not liking the way I look or feel.
While I was lying in bed I had the thought of it's not that I think i'm fat, even though I've had those thoughts. (i'm sure most girls do even if they don't look fat to you, we just think those things about ourselves.) I think deep down we actually are upset that we aren't doing the best we can or being the best we can in whatever area it is we are struggling with.
I think working out deep down isn't always just because we are "fat" but because we know our body deserves better and can physically become better in strength. There is no "perfect" body image so what are we even aiming for if we go by weight.
We get so down about ourselves knowing we can be better at everything we do and are upset that we are letting ourselves down.
We let doubt and life take over the most important things, we become lazy.
That's not fair to our bodies, our bodies and minds deserve so much better.
Not everyone is bad at these areas but I personally am.
Also i'm not saying we can't indulge in sweets, because everything needs a little sweetness but we've all heard "find the happy medium" not too much of this or too little of that.
I could be so much smarter then I am, my poor brain is suffering because of my lacking of becoming more educated in anything.
I could be so much healthier, but my laziness has made my body be less then what it could be.
"I'm a work in progress" -Sandi So true!
Just some thoughts and examples, hopefully it made sense. Just a few areas I know I lack in.
A few quotes I found that went along with this
"Healthy is an outfit that looks different on everybody"
"Be fearless and love yourself for who you are"
I usually start them and do well because I have maybe low self esteem in maybe the physical area of life. I get to a point where I need some sort of change because i'm not liking the way I look or feel.
While I was lying in bed I had the thought of it's not that I think i'm fat, even though I've had those thoughts. (i'm sure most girls do even if they don't look fat to you, we just think those things about ourselves.) I think deep down we actually are upset that we aren't doing the best we can or being the best we can in whatever area it is we are struggling with.
I think working out deep down isn't always just because we are "fat" but because we know our body deserves better and can physically become better in strength. There is no "perfect" body image so what are we even aiming for if we go by weight.
We get so down about ourselves knowing we can be better at everything we do and are upset that we are letting ourselves down.
We let doubt and life take over the most important things, we become lazy.
That's not fair to our bodies, our bodies and minds deserve so much better.
Not everyone is bad at these areas but I personally am.
Also i'm not saying we can't indulge in sweets, because everything needs a little sweetness but we've all heard "find the happy medium" not too much of this or too little of that.
I could be so much smarter then I am, my poor brain is suffering because of my lacking of becoming more educated in anything.
I could be so much healthier, but my laziness has made my body be less then what it could be.
"I'm a work in progress" -Sandi So true!
Just some thoughts and examples, hopefully it made sense. Just a few areas I know I lack in.
A few quotes I found that went along with this
"Healthy is an outfit that looks different on everybody"
"Be fearless and love yourself for who you are"
Monday, November 9, 2015
Fairy Tale
"Today was a fairytale" taken from Taylor Swifts song. This got me thinking, I mean so far today has seemed in some ways like a fairytale.
I used to kind of hate Fairy tales for the way they make you think life should be magical or soon will be when you grow up. Because life is anything but a fairytale especially when you grow up. But there are some days when life is happiness, and magical and bliss.
Fairytales...
They can take you away from the world when you just need an escape and dream of magical things because life isn't easy and sometimes you have really hard days.
But I also believe that there are days that can be magical if you take on life the right way. And you should always strive for those magical type days and accept that there will always be those days in the mixture of this crazy world.
Just a little random thought that came to my mind this morning as Taylor Swift was playing in the background =]
Today I decided to get up and ready around 5:30am because Jackson usually wakes me up anyways so why not get up and at least shower before he wakes up.
Well when I do this, he decides to sleep until 6:30 or later, so I end up getting ready and say prayers and read scriptures and other things before he gets up which is fantastic and is partly why maybe my day went pretty well.
I hate waking up early but when I'm ready and have something's done before the boys wake up it makes it worth it!
Then when Isaac got up at 8, we got ready and headed to the grocery store! Afterwards we stopped to get the car looked out and fixed.
I'm very grateful to have found this jiffy lube that's close by and they have taken really good care of us which is a weight off my shoulders.
They vacuumed out the car seats and cleaned the windows and even gave us a little discount which they didn't have to do but is MUCH appreciated. I got home and realized that they didn't charge us for something I know they did so I called and double checked so I will be going back to pay for that. And he seemed surprised that I would call about that and then come and pay it.
That's the right thing to do and I'm that kind of person if I notice it.
Then randomly, not many people smash their boxes and things to put into the recycle bin, which is gross and frustrating even when the complex has asked us to do that. It's just respectful. I went out to take the boxes to the bin and had my scissors and was smashing them down and a random person said thank you, she said I hate when people don't smash them down. I said, me too! She didn't have to even say that but it made my day feeling that someone saw me do something good and pointed it out.
There is a friend from High School that is doing this thing called The Gaston Approach about accomplishing things in life and setting goals. So that's been helpful as I've been trying to do better in all my areas I struggle in.
On a Happy Side note, my bestie Channelle might be coming out for thanksgiving!!! I'm really excited and hope she is able to make it. She's pretty much awesome, and I love her to pieces.
On a sad side note, I'm struggling to fit in in this Ward. It's not a bad ward and I have met wonderful people, but something just feels off so I've been thinking about what needs to change on my end of this. And maybe put past ward things in the past because they do things different here. But maybe its also because I know we aren't meant to stay in this ward forever and so for now I'm just going there until we buy a house somewhere else. In possibly a year, but love the people I've met but I am in the age range that most of these people aren't in so there is not a lot of people in my chapter of life.
But I do love the people I've met don't get me wrong, its a nice ward just isn't my life time ward.
We are taking Christmas pictures in a few days or a week, i'm excited just hope this lame Oregon weather will let us get some good ones outside. I'm not very fond of the rainy season here....but managing.
I've been running and loving it, surprisingly running in the evening has been going pretty well instead of dragging myself up in the morning. I've enjoyed the 30-40 minutes of me time and exercise time, its tough but I've been doing well and pushing myself and feeling fantastic.
Alright this never flows as nicely as I hope and is always random things thrown together, as much as I would love to write a book someday, I'm kind of all over the place.
I used to kind of hate Fairy tales for the way they make you think life should be magical or soon will be when you grow up. Because life is anything but a fairytale especially when you grow up. But there are some days when life is happiness, and magical and bliss.
Fairytales...
They can take you away from the world when you just need an escape and dream of magical things because life isn't easy and sometimes you have really hard days.
But I also believe that there are days that can be magical if you take on life the right way. And you should always strive for those magical type days and accept that there will always be those days in the mixture of this crazy world.
Just a little random thought that came to my mind this morning as Taylor Swift was playing in the background =]
Today I decided to get up and ready around 5:30am because Jackson usually wakes me up anyways so why not get up and at least shower before he wakes up.
Well when I do this, he decides to sleep until 6:30 or later, so I end up getting ready and say prayers and read scriptures and other things before he gets up which is fantastic and is partly why maybe my day went pretty well.
I hate waking up early but when I'm ready and have something's done before the boys wake up it makes it worth it!
Then when Isaac got up at 8, we got ready and headed to the grocery store! Afterwards we stopped to get the car looked out and fixed.
I'm very grateful to have found this jiffy lube that's close by and they have taken really good care of us which is a weight off my shoulders.
They vacuumed out the car seats and cleaned the windows and even gave us a little discount which they didn't have to do but is MUCH appreciated. I got home and realized that they didn't charge us for something I know they did so I called and double checked so I will be going back to pay for that. And he seemed surprised that I would call about that and then come and pay it.
That's the right thing to do and I'm that kind of person if I notice it.
Then randomly, not many people smash their boxes and things to put into the recycle bin, which is gross and frustrating even when the complex has asked us to do that. It's just respectful. I went out to take the boxes to the bin and had my scissors and was smashing them down and a random person said thank you, she said I hate when people don't smash them down. I said, me too! She didn't have to even say that but it made my day feeling that someone saw me do something good and pointed it out.
There is a friend from High School that is doing this thing called The Gaston Approach about accomplishing things in life and setting goals. So that's been helpful as I've been trying to do better in all my areas I struggle in.
On a Happy Side note, my bestie Channelle might be coming out for thanksgiving!!! I'm really excited and hope she is able to make it. She's pretty much awesome, and I love her to pieces.
On a sad side note, I'm struggling to fit in in this Ward. It's not a bad ward and I have met wonderful people, but something just feels off so I've been thinking about what needs to change on my end of this. And maybe put past ward things in the past because they do things different here. But maybe its also because I know we aren't meant to stay in this ward forever and so for now I'm just going there until we buy a house somewhere else. In possibly a year, but love the people I've met but I am in the age range that most of these people aren't in so there is not a lot of people in my chapter of life.
But I do love the people I've met don't get me wrong, its a nice ward just isn't my life time ward.
We are taking Christmas pictures in a few days or a week, i'm excited just hope this lame Oregon weather will let us get some good ones outside. I'm not very fond of the rainy season here....but managing.
I've been running and loving it, surprisingly running in the evening has been going pretty well instead of dragging myself up in the morning. I've enjoyed the 30-40 minutes of me time and exercise time, its tough but I've been doing well and pushing myself and feeling fantastic.
Alright this never flows as nicely as I hope and is always random things thrown together, as much as I would love to write a book someday, I'm kind of all over the place.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
He suffered for us All
There have been a few trials that have come up, might not seem huge to some people but either way they were are hard for me.
Between our check engine light coming on and having to pay a good amount of money to get it fixed and sicknesses between the boys and I.
The car one is hard especially if you move to a new place because now you have to figure out what place won't rip you off and will be kind and helpful. And being used to asking your dad to look at it to now not being able to.
One of my biggest fears is a car I'm driving breaking down and leaving me stranded somewhere with kids in the car with me. Doesn't matter even if it's not far from a store I would still probably break down in tears.
Anyways yesterday the check engine light came on again....the car hasn't started acting funny yet but will go get it checked again. Thankfully that part is free.
And the boys getting coughs and running noses and just not feeling well has been rough and then my ear decided to get a terrible ear infection out of know where. Usually I have a warning but this time i didn't. And if you've ever had a swimmers ear infection it's one of the most painful ear infections.
So taking care of sick boys and trying to heal myself was rough.
I was given a few blessings and prayed a lot. And it's been a week and they should be a lot better but they aren't 100% yet, so here are a few things I've learned.
1. The Lord will give us strengthen and patience when we need them. I'm not great with patience (a lot of people aren't) especially with my boys so being in pain doesn't help my patience with them. But I did have enough patience to make it through the day.
2. I was looking in the mirror and to any person I pass I probably look totally normal to them but I couldn't hear like an average person can hear. Which makes it hard to leave the house because I have to work harder to understand people if they decide to talk to me and listen for my kids at the same time. Which shows you that you truly never know what someone is struggling with because it's not always an outward thing.
3. Then of course husband's are pretty great, he couldn't take away my pain but giving me blessings helped a lot and just being there to help with the boys and being understanding
4. And I'm very grateful for my ears, having partial hearing lately really throws your whole body off and it can be frustrating not to hear well.
I'm going back to the doctor today because my ears should be back to normal but they aren't (but they are a lot better) so we will see what's up
And I will be checking the car so we will see what's up there.
Thankfully the boys have been sleeping fairly well these past few days. :) but there are changing we will be making in the next month that will bring a few sleepless nights probably.
We are slowing down formula and bottle feeding with Jackson to once a day and have introduced regular milk. Once that's going pretty well we will be taking the pacifier away, which he mainly only has for naps and bedtime but sometimes other times since we've had sicknesses. After that when he is sleeping fine without it....we will put him in Isaacs room..... so we will see how that goes. I'm excited and also not since the nights will be rough.
We are also being more strict on snacks and treats because as my husband reminded us treats are treats because it's a treat when you get one, not a daily thing. Lately I haven't been wanting candy or things like that much anyways which makes it easier to give it to the boys less anyways besides the still constant asking for it. He is getting better though and eats then meals better. :)
Yesterday was a really weird day, Isaac slept through the night but woke up in a whiny, sensitive, mean mood. He hurt Jackson a lot and cried over everything and wouldn't eat anything. I'm assuming he was just sick but put him down for a nap early and he didn't even cry about it and slept for two hours. But that evening was rough too. I feel bad because I wish I knew what he was feeling. Maybe just having a moment :(
Hopefully soon their cold symptoms will be gone, there is a cold going around that's been lasting weeks so someday we will all be 100% again. And we are hoping with us feeding them better they will get sick less.
Love my family and I'm so excited for the things we are teaching them and Isaac is showing a difference with the gospel even more in our home <3
Can't wait for all the fun celebrations coming up!
Halloween
Jackson turns 1
Thanksgiving
Christmas
Woot woot
Let me leave with part of a talk from Elder Oaks gave at this last conference:
In the Savior’s Atonement, He suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind.” As President Boyd K. Packer explained: “He had no debt to pay. He had committed no wrong. Nevertheless, an accumulation of all of the guilt, the grief and sorrow, the pain and humiliation, all of the mental, emotional, and physical torments known to man—He experienced them all.”1
Between our check engine light coming on and having to pay a good amount of money to get it fixed and sicknesses between the boys and I.
The car one is hard especially if you move to a new place because now you have to figure out what place won't rip you off and will be kind and helpful. And being used to asking your dad to look at it to now not being able to.
One of my biggest fears is a car I'm driving breaking down and leaving me stranded somewhere with kids in the car with me. Doesn't matter even if it's not far from a store I would still probably break down in tears.
Anyways yesterday the check engine light came on again....the car hasn't started acting funny yet but will go get it checked again. Thankfully that part is free.
And the boys getting coughs and running noses and just not feeling well has been rough and then my ear decided to get a terrible ear infection out of know where. Usually I have a warning but this time i didn't. And if you've ever had a swimmers ear infection it's one of the most painful ear infections.
So taking care of sick boys and trying to heal myself was rough.
I was given a few blessings and prayed a lot. And it's been a week and they should be a lot better but they aren't 100% yet, so here are a few things I've learned.
1. The Lord will give us strengthen and patience when we need them. I'm not great with patience (a lot of people aren't) especially with my boys so being in pain doesn't help my patience with them. But I did have enough patience to make it through the day.
2. I was looking in the mirror and to any person I pass I probably look totally normal to them but I couldn't hear like an average person can hear. Which makes it hard to leave the house because I have to work harder to understand people if they decide to talk to me and listen for my kids at the same time. Which shows you that you truly never know what someone is struggling with because it's not always an outward thing.
3. Then of course husband's are pretty great, he couldn't take away my pain but giving me blessings helped a lot and just being there to help with the boys and being understanding
4. And I'm very grateful for my ears, having partial hearing lately really throws your whole body off and it can be frustrating not to hear well.
I'm going back to the doctor today because my ears should be back to normal but they aren't (but they are a lot better) so we will see what's up
And I will be checking the car so we will see what's up there.
Thankfully the boys have been sleeping fairly well these past few days. :) but there are changing we will be making in the next month that will bring a few sleepless nights probably.
We are slowing down formula and bottle feeding with Jackson to once a day and have introduced regular milk. Once that's going pretty well we will be taking the pacifier away, which he mainly only has for naps and bedtime but sometimes other times since we've had sicknesses. After that when he is sleeping fine without it....we will put him in Isaacs room..... so we will see how that goes. I'm excited and also not since the nights will be rough.
We are also being more strict on snacks and treats because as my husband reminded us treats are treats because it's a treat when you get one, not a daily thing. Lately I haven't been wanting candy or things like that much anyways which makes it easier to give it to the boys less anyways besides the still constant asking for it. He is getting better though and eats then meals better. :)
Yesterday was a really weird day, Isaac slept through the night but woke up in a whiny, sensitive, mean mood. He hurt Jackson a lot and cried over everything and wouldn't eat anything. I'm assuming he was just sick but put him down for a nap early and he didn't even cry about it and slept for two hours. But that evening was rough too. I feel bad because I wish I knew what he was feeling. Maybe just having a moment :(
Hopefully soon their cold symptoms will be gone, there is a cold going around that's been lasting weeks so someday we will all be 100% again. And we are hoping with us feeding them better they will get sick less.
Love my family and I'm so excited for the things we are teaching them and Isaac is showing a difference with the gospel even more in our home <3
Can't wait for all the fun celebrations coming up!
Halloween
Jackson turns 1
Thanksgiving
Christmas
Woot woot
Let me leave with part of a talk from Elder Oaks gave at this last conference:
In the Savior’s Atonement, He suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind.” As President Boyd K. Packer explained: “He had no debt to pay. He had committed no wrong. Nevertheless, an accumulation of all of the guilt, the grief and sorrow, the pain and humiliation, all of the mental, emotional, and physical torments known to man—He experienced them all.”1
Why did He suffer these mortal challenges “of every kind”? Alma explained, “And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).
Christ knows how you feel during all those terrible pains or sicknesses you go through, and he did it so he would know how we felt and how to help us overcome. <3 I LOVE THAT!
Friday, September 25, 2015
one month in Oregon
It's crazy it's already been a month. I don't feel like this is my home necessarily but I'm fairly comfortable here.
We have gone to lots of different parks to see what ones we like, there are better parks here then Utah I think.
We've found our favorite Wal-Mart and favorite winco. And love the big library!
We haven't made tons of friends yet but that okay. We did have a babysitter and so we had a date night which was much needed and the boys did fairly well.
I'm adjusting fairly well, Isaac is struggling the most, which makes since its hard to understand and even if I had prepared him better he would of still had a hard time. He still asks to go home or go to grandma's house and doesn't understand that stuff is far away. But he will get used to it eventually.
Isaac is learning lots and lots every day, I love it! He said his first prayer with help last night, he is growing up and I love it. He says hi to "friends" at the park lol it's cute. He struggles in nursery still but oh well we will get there.
Jackson is talkative without saying actual words and gestures and points to things. He walks tons and is silly and learning new things all the time. In a little over a month he will be 1, so exciting! Also he squeals a lot and rawrs. And night feedings are gone and just now he is starting to sleep through the night....yay, now my body needs to let me sleep through the night.
We got asked to talk on the 11th so I've been having dreams and nightmares about that while I prepare what to say lol mostly nightmares about how my boys are going to behave.
We have our first ward get together for chili and pie this Saturday so that should be fun seeing people outside of church.
I made a list and we are doing better at scripture study together with the kids, just doing the kid version for now. My personal prayers and church reading, and nightly prayers and fhe on Mondays. Need to work on morning prayers and keeping this a good routine.
We love video chatting with family sometimes it helps Isaac and sometimes it makes it worse, just never know lol
Without getting to go to Sunday school or relief society and sometimes missing most of sacrament it's been hard church wise but I try to read the lessons.
Electronic wise...still a work in progress. I'm better but trying to get Isaac to stop asking to play games on the tablet or watch a show is hard but everything he does is educational.
Jackson a few days ago got the remote handed it to daddy and looked at the tv "um turn it on please" lol this kid is too smart for a 10 month old.
Oh and some sweetness, Isaac has been good at saying I love you in his own cute way, yesterday out of no where he said love you Jackson, it was so sweet. Especially since they don't get along very often.
I'm hoping for us to do some nature hiking soon but we have a few busy Saturday's coming up and don't have a hiking back pack thing for Jackson (I don't want to lug his heaviness and wiggliness around and up and down hills lol since most hikes aren't stroller friendly. If we go I will take pretty Fall pictures don't worry
Thanks to internet we can still stay pretty connected with family and friends from far away which I love
P.s. i'm pretty sure our neighbors dislike us just as much as we may sometimes dislike them....apartment problems
We have gone to lots of different parks to see what ones we like, there are better parks here then Utah I think.
We've found our favorite Wal-Mart and favorite winco. And love the big library!
We haven't made tons of friends yet but that okay. We did have a babysitter and so we had a date night which was much needed and the boys did fairly well.
I'm adjusting fairly well, Isaac is struggling the most, which makes since its hard to understand and even if I had prepared him better he would of still had a hard time. He still asks to go home or go to grandma's house and doesn't understand that stuff is far away. But he will get used to it eventually.
Isaac is learning lots and lots every day, I love it! He said his first prayer with help last night, he is growing up and I love it. He says hi to "friends" at the park lol it's cute. He struggles in nursery still but oh well we will get there.
Jackson is talkative without saying actual words and gestures and points to things. He walks tons and is silly and learning new things all the time. In a little over a month he will be 1, so exciting! Also he squeals a lot and rawrs. And night feedings are gone and just now he is starting to sleep through the night....yay, now my body needs to let me sleep through the night.
We got asked to talk on the 11th so I've been having dreams and nightmares about that while I prepare what to say lol mostly nightmares about how my boys are going to behave.
We have our first ward get together for chili and pie this Saturday so that should be fun seeing people outside of church.
I made a list and we are doing better at scripture study together with the kids, just doing the kid version for now. My personal prayers and church reading, and nightly prayers and fhe on Mondays. Need to work on morning prayers and keeping this a good routine.
We love video chatting with family sometimes it helps Isaac and sometimes it makes it worse, just never know lol
Without getting to go to Sunday school or relief society and sometimes missing most of sacrament it's been hard church wise but I try to read the lessons.
Electronic wise...still a work in progress. I'm better but trying to get Isaac to stop asking to play games on the tablet or watch a show is hard but everything he does is educational.
Jackson a few days ago got the remote handed it to daddy and looked at the tv "um turn it on please" lol this kid is too smart for a 10 month old.
Oh and some sweetness, Isaac has been good at saying I love you in his own cute way, yesterday out of no where he said love you Jackson, it was so sweet. Especially since they don't get along very often.
I'm hoping for us to do some nature hiking soon but we have a few busy Saturday's coming up and don't have a hiking back pack thing for Jackson (I don't want to lug his heaviness and wiggliness around and up and down hills lol since most hikes aren't stroller friendly. If we go I will take pretty Fall pictures don't worry
Thanks to internet we can still stay pretty connected with family and friends from far away which I love
P.s. i'm pretty sure our neighbors dislike us just as much as we may sometimes dislike them....apartment problems
Friday, September 11, 2015
My journey back to Him: Step 1
I’m not sure how exactly to write this so I’m going to be
write and hope I didn’t miss anything and hope it’s not all over the place =]
I think we all have things we want to change about ourselves
either physically or spiritually or mentally but admitting we want to and
actually taking action is two completely different things.
I’m a pretty lazy person, not completely lazy because with
kids I really can’t be but I will admit that I am lazy to some extent.
Also this brings up where there are times when you do take
action and start changing but for whatever reason things come up and your
progress starts falling and your back to where you were before.
Actually starting is the hardest part, it’s easy to just
stay in the comfortable even if it’s not healthy or the best place you can be.
We just convince ourselves changing is too hard so I’m just going to stay here
for a little while longer and years later your still there, not progressing at
all.
My point is when we decided we were going to pick up and
move to another state where I had no family and no friends, and a place I had
never been to before, it got me thinking. I was really excited for the
adventure and of course really scared but I started thinking well maybe now I
can change. Not fully knowing the changes I thought I should make I just felt
that I probably should change somethings now that I’ve been given this fresh
start.
Since moving here these past two weeks my eyes have been
opened to a few changes I needed to make. It became this list all from
different categories. I’m sitting here knowing I need to change, not that I’m
unhappy but knowing I could be happier and it would be better for me in the
long run but also really wanting to stay lazy (physically, spiritually,
mentally) because it’s just too hard.
Now being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter
Day Saints even though we moved away from friends and family we aren’t fully
alone because we’ve got these other members of the church to go to and get to
know and learn from and ask for help from. That is really comforting but still
a little scary because I’m not one to just go up and talk to people.
Anyways this past Sunday I went to church by myself because
the boys were sick but we felt at least one of us should go and get to know
more people. I’m really glad I did because I think it gave me a few more things
to add to my list and gave me a little bit more of a push to get up and make
the changes I needed to make. Now I may have long list of things to change BUT
I realize I can’t do them all at once because that’s what makes it harder to
complete the list, feeling overwhelmed.
The number one on my list I’ve decided to tackle first is in
the spiritual department.
I’ve never been a terrible member of the church, I’ve made
mistakes like everyone and learned from them. But when I came to this ward I
felt a little inadequate because everyone seemed SO spiritual (not saying my
past wards weren’t spiritual or the people I know aren’t, it just showed it to
me in a different way or my eyes were more open to see it then usual), partly
because I only knew them on Sunday. It made me realize that I’ve been doing the:
go to church, serve others, don’t drink, and don’t swear….etc. I’ve realized
I’ve just been coasting, no huge inclines and no huge downfalls, just resting
at this pace, settling. My first thought was how can people be this spiritual?
I’ve had my spiritual moments but not very many, when I looked back at journal
entries I remember the spiritual moments and how I felt but it had been awhile.
It’s hard for me to
admit this for several reasons. 1. It makes me feel like I’m a bad person even
though tons of us out there probably are just coasting through life. 2. I don’t
like feeling exposed and whenever I cry in front of someone or I’m telling my
faults, that’s exposing myself and I feel naked and I don’t like that. Afterwards
you always seem to feel better but during the process it’s not that fun.
A few days ago I thought one way to start this journey of
being more spiritual among other ideas is to read the book “21 days closer to
Christ” by: Emily Freeman, again. Now you can read a chapter a day or take your
time. I decided that once I felt like I accomplished whatever that
day/step/chapter required that I would move on.
The first day’s invitation is: come. Basically he asks at
the end what fills your nets and distracts you from coming and seeing/hearing
Christ. I realized one of my big ones is electronics: phone, facebook, tv,
movies, Instagram….etc. I knew I had this problem but just haven’t done much
about it. Anyways so here goes to less tv/ phone time and more time focusing
even more on my kids, my husband, Christ, and our home.
“As members of the church, we are charged to not let our
resolve dribble out and our commitment to follow the Savior evaporate. We must
be firm as a rock in living the gospel.” –Robet D. Hales
In spare moments I’ve decided to read a few more inspirational
type books as well, so one we have that I’ve never read it called “Return” By:
Robert D. Hales
I think I picked a good one so far!
I will blog more after I feel I’ve learned something
important to share, or I’ve completely most of the step, and when I start a new
change on my list.
Your more than welcome to suggest good spiritual books you’ve
read, preferably LDS ones but if it isn’t I will still look into it.
Within two days I have noticed a slight difference, and
enjoyed more one on one time with my kids and I think they’ve really enjoyed
that. =] Have a fantastic weekend!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Goodbye & Hello
Here we are in Oregon...
We've said quite a few goodbyes to family and friends before we left. It wasn't too hard because we weren't leaving yet so it felt like it wasn't really happening but then the day of it wasn't so easy to say bye to my dad. Byes are not so fun even if you know you will see them again. I've never been very far away from my parents. The longest was 5 hours away at college in Idaho.
Everything went slowly then really quickly. Thankfully my father in law helped us with the move and my mom came along to help with the kids and unpacking.
I wouldn't have survived the drive with the boys by myself so glad my mom was there to help. We did pretty good though. We made it to baker city Oregon and rested up for the next days drive. We arrived Wednesday at 2:30 and the truck almost all unloaded. So we started the fun of unpacking. We got unpacked in about two days. Would of taken longer if I didn't have my mom helping out. Then we explored our new home town. There are a lot of fun things and somethings are different.
We love the park that's 5 mins away and next to it is a carousel ride so yay
Our ward is a pretty good size and they all seem nice. It's still going to take some time to make new friends and get use to everything. It's weird not really knowing anyone, and scary.
It helps having the kids keep me busy, they have struggled though. We dropped grandma off to the airport yesterday and once we did Isaac started asking where's grandma, it broke my heart but she can't stay forever with us. It will take time for him to stop asking for his normal visitors but we will skype or do hangouts to keep in touch. Isaac is sleeping pretty well and Jackson is still adjusting but is also teething so we are taking one step at a time and mommy takes naps sometimes too. I'm LOVING the terrible twos...not! Moving sure didn't help that. He pushes a lot of buttons. But we have an awesome library and has cool storytime.
Moving from a home to an apartment isn't fun because of dogs barking and noisy neighbors but it's not terrible. And I always worry my kids crying will keep a neighbor up too.
So goodbyes are never fun but hellos can be exciting....welcome to our new adventure living in oregon. Here's to a fresh start!
(Side note in about two years or less we will buy a house)
We've said quite a few goodbyes to family and friends before we left. It wasn't too hard because we weren't leaving yet so it felt like it wasn't really happening but then the day of it wasn't so easy to say bye to my dad. Byes are not so fun even if you know you will see them again. I've never been very far away from my parents. The longest was 5 hours away at college in Idaho.
Everything went slowly then really quickly. Thankfully my father in law helped us with the move and my mom came along to help with the kids and unpacking.
I wouldn't have survived the drive with the boys by myself so glad my mom was there to help. We did pretty good though. We made it to baker city Oregon and rested up for the next days drive. We arrived Wednesday at 2:30 and the truck almost all unloaded. So we started the fun of unpacking. We got unpacked in about two days. Would of taken longer if I didn't have my mom helping out. Then we explored our new home town. There are a lot of fun things and somethings are different.
We love the park that's 5 mins away and next to it is a carousel ride so yay
Our ward is a pretty good size and they all seem nice. It's still going to take some time to make new friends and get use to everything. It's weird not really knowing anyone, and scary.
It helps having the kids keep me busy, they have struggled though. We dropped grandma off to the airport yesterday and once we did Isaac started asking where's grandma, it broke my heart but she can't stay forever with us. It will take time for him to stop asking for his normal visitors but we will skype or do hangouts to keep in touch. Isaac is sleeping pretty well and Jackson is still adjusting but is also teething so we are taking one step at a time and mommy takes naps sometimes too. I'm LOVING the terrible twos...not! Moving sure didn't help that. He pushes a lot of buttons. But we have an awesome library and has cool storytime.
Moving from a home to an apartment isn't fun because of dogs barking and noisy neighbors but it's not terrible. And I always worry my kids crying will keep a neighbor up too.
So goodbyes are never fun but hellos can be exciting....welcome to our new adventure living in oregon. Here's to a fresh start!
(Side note in about two years or less we will buy a house)
Monday, August 17, 2015
Oregon bound soon
We put our house up for sale around July 2nd I believe for 130,000 and July 3rd we had three people come to look at our house. That night we got an offer for 120,000 which was too low so we counter offered and they counter offered back, the highest they could go was $125,000. But someone was coming to view it Monday so we decided to see if that person would make an offer, they knew we had an offer already. Tuesday we got an offer from them of 135,000 and a letter explaining how much they wanted our house :) it was sweet, but a better offer so we accepted!
Then became the process of them getting an inspection on the house and an appraisal. We don't know what it was appraised for but we know it was at least 135,000 so yay
So all of that took sometime but we close today (august 17th) and they get the house Tuesday. We then had a very quick trip to Oregon where spencer had a 2nd job interview for the state, two days later we find out he got the job! He will be a market analyst for the state of Oregon. A couple days ago we were running out of apartments that were available when we needed to move. He starts September 1st at his new job. So we had to look for a little higher price range and got accepted to that apartment within two hours. A few days later we accepted. Last week we moved into my parents basement so we could clean up the house.
It all happened pretty fast but were times where we had to be patient while we waited for final answers.
We will pack up the moving truck next Monday and Tuesday the 25th we move to Oregon
I'm filled with LOTS of emotions!! Excitement at living in a new place and being closer as a small little family. And a new adventure
Worry of being a little more on my own and having to start over again (in a way)
No friends or family so have to meet new people an make new friends
Trying not to forget everything we have to do in the process of moving lol
We will live in an apartment for a year to get used to the area and spencer focus more on his new job instead of fixing a house. An we will know what kind of area we want to live in and is fairly safe area.
Wish us luck! And anyone is welcome to come visit... Family wise it's 12 1/2 hours from tooele Utah, 12 hours from Palmdale California and 12 hours from rexburg, Idaho
I have our new address so if anyone wants it let me know :)
Since everything has gone so fast and been fairly smooth it confirms that moving is what was the plan for us. That helps calm some nerves
Then became the process of them getting an inspection on the house and an appraisal. We don't know what it was appraised for but we know it was at least 135,000 so yay
So all of that took sometime but we close today (august 17th) and they get the house Tuesday. We then had a very quick trip to Oregon where spencer had a 2nd job interview for the state, two days later we find out he got the job! He will be a market analyst for the state of Oregon. A couple days ago we were running out of apartments that were available when we needed to move. He starts September 1st at his new job. So we had to look for a little higher price range and got accepted to that apartment within two hours. A few days later we accepted. Last week we moved into my parents basement so we could clean up the house.
It all happened pretty fast but were times where we had to be patient while we waited for final answers.
We will pack up the moving truck next Monday and Tuesday the 25th we move to Oregon
I'm filled with LOTS of emotions!! Excitement at living in a new place and being closer as a small little family. And a new adventure
Worry of being a little more on my own and having to start over again (in a way)
No friends or family so have to meet new people an make new friends
Trying not to forget everything we have to do in the process of moving lol
We will live in an apartment for a year to get used to the area and spencer focus more on his new job instead of fixing a house. An we will know what kind of area we want to live in and is fairly safe area.
Wish us luck! And anyone is welcome to come visit... Family wise it's 12 1/2 hours from tooele Utah, 12 hours from Palmdale California and 12 hours from rexburg, Idaho
I have our new address so if anyone wants it let me know :)
Since everything has gone so fast and been fairly smooth it confirms that moving is what was the plan for us. That helps calm some nerves
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
kelly clarkson 2015
August 8th was Kelly Clarkson and I got to go with my best friend!!! We first went to olive garden for an early dinner, crazy enough our waitress had a relative that is Kelly's limo driver for her concerts here in the salt lake area. Sweet!
Channelle and I do our normal catch up and talk 😀
Then we get to our seats which were fairly close to her yay
There were three openings which I think is silly but they were all good!
Sarah an ?
Eric Hutchinson
Pentatonix
She came out finally around 9:30 and once she comes out I always get SO excited!
I knew the words to all but one song!
During the middle of breakaway song she saw a baby in the small pit area and asked the mom if she could hold him lol and of course she said yes and Kelly picked him up and stopped singing lol
You can just tell she would be an amazing friend and mom. So funny, loving and sweet.
Her back up singers are amazing and had a musical number
My voice hurt but so worth it. It ended around 11
I got home around 12:30 and Channelle and I will still make it work to go to her future concerts together even though we will live 12 hours apart :(
Always some of my favorite nights and memories
Channelle and I do our normal catch up and talk 😀
Then we get to our seats which were fairly close to her yay
There were three openings which I think is silly but they were all good!
Sarah an ?
Eric Hutchinson
Pentatonix
She came out finally around 9:30 and once she comes out I always get SO excited!
I knew the words to all but one song!
During the middle of breakaway song she saw a baby in the small pit area and asked the mom if she could hold him lol and of course she said yes and Kelly picked him up and stopped singing lol
You can just tell she would be an amazing friend and mom. So funny, loving and sweet.
Her back up singers are amazing and had a musical number
My voice hurt but so worth it. It ended around 11
I got home around 12:30 and Channelle and I will still make it work to go to her future concerts together even though we will live 12 hours apart :(
Always some of my favorite nights and memories
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Oregon
First let's start off with a random dream
I've had this dream before and I'm not a fan of it. It's me and my family we go to a hotel and then leave our room to go meet family or something and when we go back our floor level or room is gone it's like floor 2 doesn't exist and we look all over and I get panicky and maybe hours later I find it and it's back. This one at one point I think one of our kids or one and my husband was in the room but yet it was gone and I worried.
It's scary
Of course I have this dream when I'm in a hotel room without my husband and without my babies.
Anyway side note in about a week we will be putting our house up for sale. Every time spencer thinks of us moving Oregon comes to mind
And recently it's been we need to move sooner then later, for sure sometime in the next 3 years
He doesn't have a job there just yet but if our house sells before he gets a job we will probably move into an apartment in salt lake
An then in Oregon we would be in a apartment for a year maybe so we can find a good area (with no weirdos) and buy a house.
I'm pretty excited but also nervous
I would really miss my parents being so close by to help when I needed it and it would be hard not knowing anyone there
But it would be nice to move to a place neither of us has a past in to really start our lives as a family making our own memories together
It will be hard but easier with the kids not being in school yet
I just thought I would give everyone a heads up
I've had this dream before and I'm not a fan of it. It's me and my family we go to a hotel and then leave our room to go meet family or something and when we go back our floor level or room is gone it's like floor 2 doesn't exist and we look all over and I get panicky and maybe hours later I find it and it's back. This one at one point I think one of our kids or one and my husband was in the room but yet it was gone and I worried.
It's scary
Of course I have this dream when I'm in a hotel room without my husband and without my babies.
Anyway side note in about a week we will be putting our house up for sale. Every time spencer thinks of us moving Oregon comes to mind
And recently it's been we need to move sooner then later, for sure sometime in the next 3 years
He doesn't have a job there just yet but if our house sells before he gets a job we will probably move into an apartment in salt lake
An then in Oregon we would be in a apartment for a year maybe so we can find a good area (with no weirdos) and buy a house.
I'm pretty excited but also nervous
I would really miss my parents being so close by to help when I needed it and it would be hard not knowing anyone there
But it would be nice to move to a place neither of us has a past in to really start our lives as a family making our own memories together
It will be hard but easier with the kids not being in school yet
I just thought I would give everyone a heads up
Friday, May 8, 2015
being a mom
Mother's Day, a day to basically celebrate women. Women deserve to be celebrated but man are you very hard to please lol I'm very sorry gentlemen. We want one thing bug then we change our minds. We never seem to be happy (not all of us)
A lot of charts you run into might say the number 1 thing mothers want on Mother's Day is to not have to be around the little things that made us mothers. Isn't that kind of crazy.
It's sad if you think about it but it it also makes sense because if your job is being a mother 24/7 the one thing you might want is a break from that HUGE responsibility. Even though we love it and it makes us who we are...mothers!! It also wears us down.
Mother's Day is the day where you should actually celebrate your children and do things with them that day because they are the amazing beings who gave you the title of mother.
But if you asked me what number one thing I want for Mother's Day I would probably say to not be a mother for 1 day, to escape for a whole day. It gives us time to regroup and when we come back to our babies we are ready for the next 364 days tell the next Mother's Day lol
When I'm gone from my babies I learn to appreciate and love them even more when I return <3
No matter what we are given that day we should be grateful and not picky and accept the beautiful gesture because our children are the best gift(s) we could be given and nothing could top that (while typing that it made me think of my friends who aren't able to have children and I hurt for them but doesn't mean their lives are less full, they can experience motherhood in other ways, being a parent to animals or being a motherly explain to a child(ren) who don't have great examples, just being there for any child)
There are all these articles and things you will read about how you should do this or that or say this or that, those articles and advice can be helpful but in the end every child is different and once you have your child you will learn who they are and what they need and that watching and listening to them and what makes them happy is what matters not what other people say. I know my child better then any other mom (advice from others can be helpful at times though) that's why I'm their mom and no one else is. Even though there will always be times that I still don't understand or no what they want, we eventually learn in trial and error :)
No one else can calm my kids like a hug or kiss from their own mommy
Isaac made me a mom! He is shy at first but very sweet and loves to laugh. He loves movies, the outdoors, and playing with daddy and mommy especially playing peek a boo/ scaring people "rawr". He has a sweet tooth like his mommy and loves to sit on our laps and watch a movie. And one thing that comforts him is his puppy and blankets. He loves to help me when I'm doing chores and will give kisses and hugs only when he wants to. My blonde hair blue eyed boy! (These are just a few things I've learned)
Jackson made me a mommy again! He is my very smiley boy who loves attention, especially face to face talking and facial expressions. He is a wiggling machine. Anything and everything goes in his mouth (he would eat me if he could fit me in his mouth lol) My chunky brown haired hazel eyed boy!
I may get frustrated with them sometimes but I always have moments when I look at them and just fall in love with them ALL over again and I'm so proud to be their mom!
Maybe this Mother's Day we can celebrate the little ones (or big ones) who made us mothers!
Let me say happy Mother's Day to my sweet mom. I'm honored to be her child and know she is my mom for a reason. We've had our ups an downs a lot more ups since I turned 18 and grew up more but I aspire to be a mom like her. And she is the first person I go to for advice in what to do for my kids (next to my loving husband of course) she's a fantastic grandma as well and loves her grandchildren, my boys LOVE going to see Grandma Nielsen!
And happy Mother's Day to my mother in law, she did a pretty fantastic job at raising Spencer and I'm so glad that i have a great mother in law and who loves my boys too! And it's awesome to see my kids recognize you and are happy to see you even though we aren't able to see you as much as we would like to.
and of course without my amazing husband things wouldn't balance out when it came to parenting our boys together <3
Enjoy your day and your children!
Happy Mother's Day!
Thursday, March 19, 2015
After the first
It's turn after your first child you can't keep up with all the cute things you want to do for them.
I haven't tried as hard as I could at it but life goes by so fast when you have more then one child to look after.
And every once in awhile I think "ugh man i'm behind again" =[
You sure can be hard on yourself when it comes to saving and making memories with your kids.
I did fairly decent with Isaac but looking back on things i'm so behind on things for Jackson.
I DO spend time with them both and that's important.
I take a good amount of pictures of Jackson and Isaac thanks to lovely cell phones but wish I had taken more expensive camera photos for both of them.
I took a lot of videos of Isaac but haven't taken many at ALL of Jackson.
I really need to do better at that.
And I took lots of holiday type photos of Isaac for each FIRST holiday but haven't really done that for Jackson.
I don't love him less but I want him to have as many memories he can look back on as Isaac does.
So here is to keeping up on saving memories of ALL of my children.
I also journaled weekly about Isaacs first year of life...but Jackson has become monthly.
The big difference is I've been through all the firsts (baby wise) with Isaac so they are amazing for Jackson but its not my first time seeing the firsts. It's different but doesn't mean it isn't as important or as exciting with each child after the first.
Parenting is complicated lol
I try to go through facebook/instagram/dropbox to save some of their pictures to my file folders of each of them so its easier to find....but I get SOOO behind and it takes way too long to catch up. I should of kept up on that. every time I think about it I kick myself (mentally not physically lol)
Updates: (i'm not sure how far behind I am but here it goes)
Isaac- He is now 21 months...getting so close to 2!!!
he is starting to repeat some of the words we say. And out of the blue he will say and word and it will shock me because I've never heard him say it out loud.
He climbs up on EVERYTHING and can open some of the doors.
He still loves going outside, and will run, or jump. He loves Jackson more and more.
He will sometimes grab and towel and start wiping things down and will sometimes say "clean up, clean up"
He likes to stand on chairs and help me cook or clean the dishes.
We are starting to do better at time outs now that we have a SPOT that's consistent.
Some nights he sleeps really well but he still slips into waking up 2-3 times at night, we never know what kind of night its going to be.
We are getting in to the kicking/hitting phase so we are trying to teach what is okay and what isnt
Jackson- He is 4 months old
He LOVES his feet
He LOVES standing up
And still chews on his fist
He has rolled from his tummy to his back once but for the most part when he is on his back rolls to his side so we are getting close
He gets up 2-3 times at night still, and i'm trying to get him to eat less at night,
He seems to like the outside as much as Isaac does
He still smiles A LOT but will occasionally have out of the blue screaming/crying moments....usually means he is hungry or sleepy or sometimes realizes he isn't with me.
My boys keep me very busy but they keep me laughing too. And thank heavens for a loving and helpful husband =]
I haven't tried as hard as I could at it but life goes by so fast when you have more then one child to look after.
And every once in awhile I think "ugh man i'm behind again" =[
You sure can be hard on yourself when it comes to saving and making memories with your kids.
I did fairly decent with Isaac but looking back on things i'm so behind on things for Jackson.
I DO spend time with them both and that's important.
I take a good amount of pictures of Jackson and Isaac thanks to lovely cell phones but wish I had taken more expensive camera photos for both of them.
I took a lot of videos of Isaac but haven't taken many at ALL of Jackson.
I really need to do better at that.
And I took lots of holiday type photos of Isaac for each FIRST holiday but haven't really done that for Jackson.
I don't love him less but I want him to have as many memories he can look back on as Isaac does.
So here is to keeping up on saving memories of ALL of my children.
I also journaled weekly about Isaacs first year of life...but Jackson has become monthly.
The big difference is I've been through all the firsts (baby wise) with Isaac so they are amazing for Jackson but its not my first time seeing the firsts. It's different but doesn't mean it isn't as important or as exciting with each child after the first.
Parenting is complicated lol
I try to go through facebook/instagram/dropbox to save some of their pictures to my file folders of each of them so its easier to find....but I get SOOO behind and it takes way too long to catch up. I should of kept up on that. every time I think about it I kick myself (mentally not physically lol)
Updates: (i'm not sure how far behind I am but here it goes)
Isaac- He is now 21 months...getting so close to 2!!!
he is starting to repeat some of the words we say. And out of the blue he will say and word and it will shock me because I've never heard him say it out loud.
He climbs up on EVERYTHING and can open some of the doors.
He still loves going outside, and will run, or jump. He loves Jackson more and more.
He will sometimes grab and towel and start wiping things down and will sometimes say "clean up, clean up"
He likes to stand on chairs and help me cook or clean the dishes.
We are starting to do better at time outs now that we have a SPOT that's consistent.
Some nights he sleeps really well but he still slips into waking up 2-3 times at night, we never know what kind of night its going to be.
We are getting in to the kicking/hitting phase so we are trying to teach what is okay and what isnt
Jackson- He is 4 months old
He LOVES his feet
He LOVES standing up
And still chews on his fist
He has rolled from his tummy to his back once but for the most part when he is on his back rolls to his side so we are getting close
He gets up 2-3 times at night still, and i'm trying to get him to eat less at night,
He seems to like the outside as much as Isaac does
He still smiles A LOT but will occasionally have out of the blue screaming/crying moments....usually means he is hungry or sleepy or sometimes realizes he isn't with me.
My boys keep me very busy but they keep me laughing too. And thank heavens for a loving and helpful husband =]
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Not so natural
I'm probably going to get a lot of crap for this blog post but I think it's something that needs to be said so deal with it. Don't bother to comment on this because even if you do I wont read them or reply to them.
It's in regards to breastfeeding.
I think that people should stop saying breastfeeding is natural... that's a butt load of crap! There are some people that it does just work out great and easy right away for the. If that's you, fantastic!
The information that I hear from friends is it took like sometimes 4 months until all went smoothly with breastfeeding. That to me doesn't sound like it's a natural thing.
I find MOST people struggling with breastfeeding so why would you still call it a natural thing? I've heard this saying from a few people "Breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing"
From a mom who tried breastfeeding, I can tell you that saying "Breastfeeding is natural" kind of hurt when it wasn't working for me. Made me feel like I was not a normal person.
There are several reasons that make it not so easy (it's still not easy even if you don't have problems)
Your child is lip or tongue tied
your nipple goes inside (yes nipple shields can help with this but who wants a piece of plastic to help)
your milk stops or doesn't come in
I'm sure there are even more issues but that's frustrating to a mother no matter what the issue might be. I definitely didn't think i'd be so frustrated by it. Then you hear have patience... sometimes a newborn is hard enough to just get enough sleep let alone having patience to try and feed a crying child.
With my first baby I didn't try really hard but did go to someone for help and her response was "oh this will be an easy fix" it was like a slap in my face because it wasn't easy to fix, it took a lot of work that I didn't have help to do so I quit and just pumped for 6 months.
Then baby number two I really wanted to try harder but my first born was only 17 months and would of gotten in a lot of trouble. I did ask for more help and I tried an SNS (I think that's the name) and that was kind of helpful (along with a nipple shield that was annoying) but I tried giving him my own milk and he ended up liking the formula from the SNS he was getting instead so instead of forcing it and having crying fits trying to make it work. We decided to go all formula this time around.
Am I still kind of bitter over not being a natural breastfeeder... yes I am! It could be fixed by a nipple shield but it just reminds me that oh my body was made different so breastfeeding was harder.
And I don't agree with breastfeeding in public without a cover. Breasts may be natural but that doesn't mean I want to see you feeding your baby with it. It doesn't matter if your family, friend, or a stranger. Will I say this to someone's face, no because it's not my place. But I do think it's respectful if you at least TRY to cover up...even if your toddler fights the cover. I don't think breastfeeding people need to be placed in a corner or anything but I do think it should be a private thing between a mother and her child. And if I ever get breastfeeding down with another child, i'm going to be covered and or go in a private place because that's what I believe.
This came out of no where but for once I felt like I wanted to state my opinion on the matter. Because breast or formula fed babies are all still healthy as long as they are getting food, and that's enough for me.
It's in regards to breastfeeding.
I think that people should stop saying breastfeeding is natural... that's a butt load of crap! There are some people that it does just work out great and easy right away for the. If that's you, fantastic!
The information that I hear from friends is it took like sometimes 4 months until all went smoothly with breastfeeding. That to me doesn't sound like it's a natural thing.
I find MOST people struggling with breastfeeding so why would you still call it a natural thing? I've heard this saying from a few people "Breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing"
From a mom who tried breastfeeding, I can tell you that saying "Breastfeeding is natural" kind of hurt when it wasn't working for me. Made me feel like I was not a normal person.
There are several reasons that make it not so easy (it's still not easy even if you don't have problems)
Your child is lip or tongue tied
your nipple goes inside (yes nipple shields can help with this but who wants a piece of plastic to help)
your milk stops or doesn't come in
I'm sure there are even more issues but that's frustrating to a mother no matter what the issue might be. I definitely didn't think i'd be so frustrated by it. Then you hear have patience... sometimes a newborn is hard enough to just get enough sleep let alone having patience to try and feed a crying child.
With my first baby I didn't try really hard but did go to someone for help and her response was "oh this will be an easy fix" it was like a slap in my face because it wasn't easy to fix, it took a lot of work that I didn't have help to do so I quit and just pumped for 6 months.
Then baby number two I really wanted to try harder but my first born was only 17 months and would of gotten in a lot of trouble. I did ask for more help and I tried an SNS (I think that's the name) and that was kind of helpful (along with a nipple shield that was annoying) but I tried giving him my own milk and he ended up liking the formula from the SNS he was getting instead so instead of forcing it and having crying fits trying to make it work. We decided to go all formula this time around.
Am I still kind of bitter over not being a natural breastfeeder... yes I am! It could be fixed by a nipple shield but it just reminds me that oh my body was made different so breastfeeding was harder.
And I don't agree with breastfeeding in public without a cover. Breasts may be natural but that doesn't mean I want to see you feeding your baby with it. It doesn't matter if your family, friend, or a stranger. Will I say this to someone's face, no because it's not my place. But I do think it's respectful if you at least TRY to cover up...even if your toddler fights the cover. I don't think breastfeeding people need to be placed in a corner or anything but I do think it should be a private thing between a mother and her child. And if I ever get breastfeeding down with another child, i'm going to be covered and or go in a private place because that's what I believe.
This came out of no where but for once I felt like I wanted to state my opinion on the matter. Because breast or formula fed babies are all still healthy as long as they are getting food, and that's enough for me.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Just ask
In church on Sunday a lady gave a talk that simply put, touched my heart. I'm going to start off with a story she told that explained how simple a child thinks.
She has two daughters 2 years old and a 4 year old. They were pushing the Costco grocery cart back to there car. She was talking to her 4 year old about this teddy bear she has and loves. Her 4 year old calls him her boy baby.
Mom: I want a boy baby someday
4 year old: you can have my boy baby
Mom; thanks sweetie but mommy wants her own boy baby
4 year old: have you prayed for your own
Mom: no I haven't yet
A few seconds later
4 year old: did you ask him yet?
Mom: no I didn't
4 year old: it's easy just say "Heavenly Father can I please have my own boy baby"
So while they were walking to the car she asked out loud
Mom: Heavenly Father can I please have my own boy baby
They get to the car
4 year old: Mom He said yes
Omg I probably didn't say everything exactly how she told the story but doesn't that just pull on your heart strings?? I mean I had tears in my eyes.
It really is that simple to just ask God for things and just pray to him about anything no matter where you are. It doesn't mean you will always get an answer right away or the answer you want but Just ask
Children don't ask question about the Gospel (unless they are in the Why stage) they just believe and are eager to learn more.
Once we become older we tend to almost become afraid to answer questions or push off asking Him a question right away.
But He is there and knows all our wants and needs and how we feel. But we need to ask and talk to Him.
In Relief Society the lesson was on loving God first. That He is first on our lives and I've always struggled with that but the lesson said "He was our parent first" He is Father to us all. He is our parent so shouldn't He be the first to show love to and the first the please? We can't hide anything from Him, He can always see us
It was my goal this year to love God more and grow to love Him above all... I'm trying but it might take be awhile to get there
To end this, now that I'm a parent I hope to experience those sweet simple moments my kids have to show how much they love their Savior and believe in Him.
Just ask!
She has two daughters 2 years old and a 4 year old. They were pushing the Costco grocery cart back to there car. She was talking to her 4 year old about this teddy bear she has and loves. Her 4 year old calls him her boy baby.
Mom: I want a boy baby someday
4 year old: you can have my boy baby
Mom; thanks sweetie but mommy wants her own boy baby
4 year old: have you prayed for your own
Mom: no I haven't yet
A few seconds later
4 year old: did you ask him yet?
Mom: no I didn't
4 year old: it's easy just say "Heavenly Father can I please have my own boy baby"
So while they were walking to the car she asked out loud
Mom: Heavenly Father can I please have my own boy baby
They get to the car
4 year old: Mom He said yes
Omg I probably didn't say everything exactly how she told the story but doesn't that just pull on your heart strings?? I mean I had tears in my eyes.
It really is that simple to just ask God for things and just pray to him about anything no matter where you are. It doesn't mean you will always get an answer right away or the answer you want but Just ask
Children don't ask question about the Gospel (unless they are in the Why stage) they just believe and are eager to learn more.
Once we become older we tend to almost become afraid to answer questions or push off asking Him a question right away.
But He is there and knows all our wants and needs and how we feel. But we need to ask and talk to Him.
In Relief Society the lesson was on loving God first. That He is first on our lives and I've always struggled with that but the lesson said "He was our parent first" He is Father to us all. He is our parent so shouldn't He be the first to show love to and the first the please? We can't hide anything from Him, He can always see us
It was my goal this year to love God more and grow to love Him above all... I'm trying but it might take be awhile to get there
To end this, now that I'm a parent I hope to experience those sweet simple moments my kids have to show how much they love their Savior and believe in Him.
Just ask!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)