New Years Eve

That's today!! I almost forgot haha Well Spencer and his wonderful family and I went to Provo. They dropped me off to see MALLORY!!!! I freaking love her and have missed her so much! We had some really good conversations =] I hope we can find ways to hang out more often. Then when they picked me up we went to Taco Bell. Then the drive back to good old Salt Lake City. On the way Dianne (spencers sister) and I talked about books and so I let her borrow some of mine. Then tried to take a nap but of course I have lots on my mind and my heart wants to beat extra fast again I couldn't really sleep. It's FREEZING in our house ahhh!!! And I am so tired, ugh! It's party time soon so I have to be up and awake for the party, it's going to be fun because I know I will be with people I have a fun time with and it's worth it. Just wish I wasn't so tired, but maybe then I will be loppy and so it will all be funny. lol
Man I don't do much these days lol
Thanks to my wonderful roommate for cleaning the whole house it looks amazing!!!

Weird

Alright so I already know I am weird you don't have to remind me of that. It's only cuz well last night I was having just a little rough moment, nothing huge. I was getting ready for bed and stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. Then I started talking to myself haha I know crazy BUT it really worked. I feel like I am back to normal or even better then normal. It was really cool.
I started writing in my book not just notes, actually writing. It felt great. I hope to get some more inspiration today and add lots more. My dear roommate comes home sometime today. I haven't been outside to look if we have a lot more snow but my guess is we do. We can make that a good thing lol
I am super excited for my New Years party its gonna be great I just know it!
Went to Cosco last night with Andrew, Daniel, Spencer and his family. It was pretty fun =] Cosco can be an amazing place. umm I really do not have much to say for once.
Maybe I'll be back later

=]

After awhile I sure do run out of cool titles for my posts haha but I don't want to be lame and just put down the date. Right now I feel spectacular!
It's been a little while since I wrote, i've just been pretty busy with other things.
Spencer has been wonderful and helping me write my book. He is such an awesome friend, don't know what I would do without him. My dear roommate does not get back until Thursday now but it's alright as long as she is having fun and keeping busy. It feels great to 'keep busy'. I've been working and taking notes down for my book, thinking about life, and making my dress! I'd say thats keeping it busy.
My sweet mother came to Salt Lake to go to Shopko with me. I needed a good winter coat (which I now need to return for a different size) and long sleeve shirts and sweaters. I seem to plan badly for winter even though I know I am easily cold.
Let's see after that I decided to work out, ended up being only 15 mins but HEY its a start lol
Then I worked a double, man what would they do without me at the Lion House haha
OOOH I also got a random phone call from the blood donation place saying that havne't seen me in awhile and needed blood and wanted to know if I could come...I said sure of course. Why not save a life while i'm at it haha
Man One Tree Hill can sure be inspiring.
btw LOVE the song "I feel my saviors love" especially when the tempo is slowed down. I LOVE singing it even more, there is just something about it!
hmmm Not too much going on but thats the just of it. I guess it's supposed to snow tomorrow and keep snowing. Blah, exciting as long as I don't have to be in it much but I DO want to have some fun in it with friends if only I could get them all to want to hang out together.....
Nights!

Inspiration

Like I said yesterday...I have decided to write a book.
Lately, i've been watching One tree hill which you all know and it has been my inspiration for a lot of things.
1. Writing a book: Lucas writes a book about his life in this beautiful way and my mom always used to tell me how she loved hearing me talk about all the stories I had, weather good or bad. And I am always constantly thinking so my awesome friend Spencer is going to help me accomplish it.
2. Getting started on my dress: Brooke has a clothing line and is AMAZING at making designs, and I have one stuck in my head but haven't started it until yesterday. (Thanks to Mallories drawing skills, she sketched a picture of it for me.) I am struggling a bit but hope it comes together how I have dreamed it would.
3. Exercises: They are all quite fit in this show and reminds me how unhealthy I am. I haven't started working out yet but I hope to start tomorrow. (I know I always say that lol)
4. Love: There is constant love and drama going on BUT it made me realize that love is real and can be amazing. I may get hurt but somewhere around the corner I AM going to find someone thats going to love me unconditionally, just like I desire. And I can wait for that. =]
5. Friends: They are really important and I know the ones that mean the world to me. Because they are THERE for me through anything. I needed to be reminded of the friends that matter, and stick with them. Not fight for friends that are never going to be there, it ends up hurting my important friendships.

Now I don't want to make any New Year's resoultions. I just want to, in my head, change my life for the better and take it step by step. I can't all of a sudden throw myself in to ALL these changes I want to make.
I am really excited for the New Year, 2011. It's going to take A LOT of work to make it great BUT I think I am willing to put my whole life into making myself stronger and wiser! I am worth it, because God believes in me, and so does my family/friends. Why not believe in myself? I am grateful that I have a chance to start over and move forward in life. Bring it on! =]

Book

I have decided that I am going to write a book based on my life kinda like Lucas writes in One Tre Hill. :) and my dear friend Spencer is going to help me. I am super excited! I decided this when I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep because my heart decided to beat super fast to wear I couldn't sleep. It always seems to happen Around this month every year since last year. It is quite frustrating.
Right now I am watching the old old Alice and wonderland from 1985. We used to watch it a lot when we were kids it's funny how you remember things from when you were younger by zoning out into the show. It's so cheesy but cute.
Anyway back to the book idea. I am always thinking and learning lots of new things. I want to share my life in a certain way so that people can learn thing s through my eyes or know life is difficult for everyone. Hmm I hope we can bring it to life the right way and maybe actually finish it.
Well it's been a great Christmas day so far!
Merry christmas everyone! I must get on to making my dress!!! :)

Christmas Songs

I am not ready for Christmas, good thing since its pretty much here already. Then I will be sad when its over. lol
HERE is why I used to hate Christmas, but NOW love it
Songs:
"Mistletoe and holly"- Oh by gosh, by golly, it's time for mistletoe and holly.
"A Holly Jolly Christmas"- Somebody waits for you, Kiss her once for me...Have a holly jolly Christmas.
"The Holly and the Ivy"- The holly bears the crown, The holly bears a blossom, The holly bears a berry, The holly bears a prickle, The holly bears a bark. (I like the crown, blossom, and berry part the most. But like the prickle and bark part because it shows that i'm not perfect.)
"Deck the Halls"- Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
"It's beginning to look a lot like christmas"- But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door. (Basically I am pretty and anyone would like to know I am there on their front door, basically if I am ever married or engaged to someone and we are not together for the holiday I hope I can surprise him and text him that song and tell him to come to the front door. lol It would be cute!)

Tis the Season to be Jolly =]
And right now I am, which is good because if I wasn't then Christmas would be no fun!
Happy Holidays everyone, I hope to get lots of pictures of my family and I this ending of the year!!
btw if you know anymore christmas songs with my name let me know =]

Family

I am SOO very exccited to be home!!! I mean I live super close to my family but for some reason we don't see each other much. I was ready to go at a pretty decent time! I sure missed my little nephew JJ and of course he is as crazy as always. Watch this video!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1707547019377&comments
I hope that link works... He can sure moves those hips. lol
He has been very "I dont wanna leave mommy" stage lately more then normal. Poor kid. =[
When we got here we all went out and shopping for a few things and I ran into Suzette and her cute littl baby girl =] Then saw a teacher of mine that I miss from High School but I didnt think he'd remember me so I didnt go say hi, and his name has slipped my mind. Then I saw my dear friend Kellie, who is looking really good, I miss her very much.
Then once we got back home I went out and got gel nails, I needed something done. I promised myself no more hair dying. I went to Macey's to pick up something for my sister and ran into my "big brother" Brian. I miss him very much. He thought it was me but he goes you look so grown up! That makes me feel happy =]
I came home and JJ decorated a gingerbread house and sang put the lime in the coconut.
Afterwards I skyped Haley, Jeff, and Devrey all at the same time. No picture  but it was really fun but also kinda awkward cuz we didn't have much to say with all of us. hmm oh well. It was still pretty cool. Then I made my mom laugh a lot. It was sweet to read our family christmas card. My mom put in how much she missed me visitng her at work and how she liked hearing all the stories I had for her, wheater good or bad. =] I miss that a lot too. She once told me I could make a movie or write a book about my drama filled life. That it is always a new person or a new situation every day. sadly this is true.
I really need to get into shape, I got a VS magazine in the mail and I really wish I looked like them sometimes.
I am really excited for the rest of the family to get here tomorrow and Saturday. It will be full of FUN, LAUGHTER and just I am really excited. I feel good about this Christmas. We are going to make lots of treats and I hope take lots of silly, fun, loving pictures =]
Good night readers

Dreams

I am not going to talk about dreams like I want to be a singer or be married to this amazing guy. These are the dreams we have while sleeping that people still don't know why we dream what we dream. I believe it is what we've thought about through out the day or our day to day things that we mix together but also a symbol of whats going on in our lives maybe. If that made any sense haha
Anyways, last night I had a dream and I remembered the whole thing pretty much then went back to sleep and had another dream and I remember most of that too. I LOVE dreams no matter if they are scary or happy. I like to analyze them. I so wish most of my dreams came true haha
First dream was a mixture of kind of two. I was with my friends Kristin and Morgan I believe and we were hurrying to get ready for something. I went to grab my shirt from the bathroom and it was wet and I got mad because now what was I going to wear lol I kept thinking of trying facetime with Morgan because I was pretty sure she had an iphone. (this I had been thinking in reallife) Then I am getting on trax with this guy, Trevor(who I work with at the Lion House) and weird we cuddled on one of the seats. But in my dreams for some reason that was not weird on trax haha Then we were holding hands and got off to run and get our ids we left on the first train, he got them but we didnt get back to our train with our stuff on it in time. Then he said were going to have to shower together when we get home so we won't be late. (for whatever we were going to. weird i know)
My dreams I tell you what haha But it makes sense to have Trevor in it because I work almost every single day with him lately and for some odd reason I want to kiss him. I am really curious about how he kisses. haha but I don't dare every tell him that. Well I've thought about it but it could make working together weird lol
Second dream: I was in the Lion House but it was a little different. There were statues that came to life and moved around (kinda like in Harry Potter) and one would chase people so you had to be careful. I had these one figures I had to put back but everytime I almost got chased by the statues. AHH It was kind of scary. Then this one friend of mine idk who it was. We went outside and there was this swampy area but it was BEAUTIFUL, If I could paint I would paint this to show you how gorgeous. Blues and greens it was amazing. But anyways we went down a little into the shallow end and here comes a seaturtle!!! I freaked out it was so awesome (i am not sure if he talked or not, I want to say he did) And I got to pet his head and it was really cool! While we started to get out more seaturtles came up out of the water and so did a zebra BUT the zebra is probably from Suki who has a huge zebra colored blanket AND wears zebra colored footie pjs haha (cuz what zebra would be in a swamp lol)

Those are my dreams, the parts I remembere lol
Before I went to sleep I was telling Suki how I wish I could stop thinking SO much, trust me I think WAY too much into things, until I know the truth then I figure out why thats the truth, like what did I do. But then I realized that keeping myself busy makes me focus just at one thing at a time instead of thinking about 50 things at once. It's hard finding things to focus on to keep me busy. Maybe I should start working on my dress like I keep telling myself too and working out. Maybe even writing a book and learning spanish more. Working on it!!!! btw I am in a happy mood still, and once again stopped myself from going to Maverik! =] Thank you, thank you!

Send it on

"Send It On"(with Demi Lovato, Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez)

[Verse 1: Nick and Miley]
A word is just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away
We've all gotta give
Yeah something to give
To make a change

[Chorus: Nick and Miley]
Send it on, on and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on

[Verse 2: Demi and Joe]
Just smile and the world
Will smile along with you
That small act of love
That's meant for one will become two
If we take the chances
To change circumstances
Imagine all we can do if we..

[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong, shine a light and send it on

[Bridge: Selena Gomez]
Send it on...
There's power in all of the choices we make
So i'm starting now there's not a moment to waste
A words just a word
Til you mean what you say
And love isn't love
Til you give it away

[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong shine a light and send it on

[Chorus: Everyone]
Send it on, on and on
Just one that can heal another
Be apart
Reach your heart
Just one spark starts the fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make us strong shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on
Shine a light and send it on

I love this song, it talks about how you can do a little thing for someone. And it'll make them want to be helpful to someone else. Just the simplest thing can make a HUGE difference. I believe that!
This world can be good.

I feel VERY accomplished today! I worked and all went well, am still in a great mood like I said. When I got home I was exhausted so I laid down for a bit. Then I scrubbed the fridge and then reorganized it all. Then scrubbed the microwave, then scrubbed the stove. Cleaned all the dishes. I also organized all my pictures on my computer lol That's a lot for me haha My room is already clean. Just need to vaccum the living room. I just have to keep myself busy so that I don't think too much, then life seems a little bit easier. Then Suki and I went to get much needed food and cleaning supplies at Smith's. Now we are going to celebrate the Holiday's together with a bottle of sparkling cider and ice cream =] Pictures of it soon to come.

This shows you I work a little TOO much at work. There are two bruises. the one with the scratch was on Saturday from hitting the metal corner of our water thing, then a little to the left of that is another bruise from the EXACT same thing but on Monday. Goodness my poor hand, the second one hit a nerve and my hand went numb for a second. haha Oh man tomorrow is my last day working for a little while. Thank heavens for the break!!!

Friends

Last night was really good for me. I was able to get myself up and go to FHE, where there was maybe 30 people haha and we ate pizza and talked with some people. Then Spencer, Josh and I went to their house and just chilled. I knew I shouldn't go home so they let me come over and we all talked for a little bit. It was really nice. Then Cynthia and Suki came over and we talked a little bit more. Then I decided to make food out of whatever we found SO Spencer and I decided on peanut butter crunch cereal into kind of rice crispy treats and then added some chocolate then we decided on berry pancakes dipped in raspberry honey. YUMMY!!! It was tons of fun and I am grateful to have friends like that.
Josh said that I can come over whenever or he'll come over whenever if I need someone or just know that I shouldn't go home. I really appreciate that and I am grateful that he's "my brother".
When Suki and I got home I decided I should tell her how i've been lately because we haven't really had time to talk.
We have realized that we seem to feel what the other is feeling sometimes. It's weird and I don't know how to explain it but it seems to be the case a lot. Like awhile back I was very anxious over things but I didn't feel it, but she was anxious for no reason. Hmmm
Anyways I am lead today on a small shift, it should be fun. I woke up in a pretty good mood. Not fabulous but not sad so that's an accomplishment.
When I get home Suki and I are going to deep clean our house since we have time and then celebrate the holiday's together as roommates! =]

Gifts

I will admit I was VERY blue this morning, had a hard time getting myself up and ready for work. I didn't work out like I said I would, go figure. I need to get on a schedule once again. It will be a miracle if I ever stick with a schedule I say I am going to do.
I got to work though and it was hard at first but towards the end I was talking a little bit and smiling. But the thing that did weirdly make my day was how these two girls were fighting and yelling at each other outside the room where they were in. (which was a wedding lunchen) How rude but wow it was sad to see them fight though. One said you can't tell me what to do! It was sure crazy
It was nice to come home to the present I got for my person I drew for Christmas, and the present to myself! =] And my new debit card in the mail. Its awesome looking!!! (its sparkly blue)
My present to myself was an ipod touch, not neccesary but it sure made me feel good.
Thanks to Haley for trying to make me happier, it some what worked. It's not something I can do on my own but somehow it'll be better. I just am not sure what to do.
Someday....

THANK HEAVENS

Spencer is simply AMAZING!!! He came over last night and we were able to figure out how to get all the 56 posts back that I deleted!! AMEN!! I am so happy like I can't even explain to you how happy over that. Thanks also to my friend Google, I knew I loved you! =]

Weird but lately I've been getting bad headaches every night and morning, we are thinking its sinus headaches, and it bites!

I've been working like non-stop, shift after shift and it's killing me! It's really good because I get a bigger paycheck and more tips but if I don't save it, it's almost pointless. I hope I can just because I really need to buy a car for this summer. Please let me be able to control my money spending habit.

There is something about Christmas music being played on the piano that's beautiful. Too bad it's raining and not snowing or today would be perfect lol

Today has been a really good day surprisingly like I was worried at first but it turned out great! Suki and Anthony went to the David A. concert today; Zach picked me up for church. I was able to get myself ready in a timely manner and my hair and everything looked great, I felt great! Sat by Cynthia, she's hilarious. It wasn't good though because we kept talking and giggling. I accidently hit her in the eye. Zach kept hitting us because we were talking (but not loud). There were a totally of 45 people at church HAHA

Spencer sat by me for Sunday school and we talked for a bit and I all day had to lead music, my poor arm. I am grateful for my mom teaching me how to lead music though. Just for once it felt like the good old times I used to have with people. =]

Then Jared and I went to the Stake Service meeting and we have lots planned ahead of us, it'll be great! I feel like I have homework I need to do but I am DONE with classes!!! DONE!!! I do have to pay a few bills soon though, that's a downer. And clean up the kitchen and reorganized my school cupboard space. Today is going to be a pretty relaxing day. I call for a little nap soon =] I am Happy, and that's good because I haven't been in awhile. It feels good. I think I am almost ready for Christmas. I am really excited to see all my family together again though.

Already gone

Already Gone By: Kelly Clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/kelly-clarkson-lyrics/already-gone-lyrics.html )
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.

This song fits pretty well with my life and how Jeff was saying we all are on our own road/path. It's time to move on and get over everything but it''s really hard. Especially cuz idk if I could live with finally being over things. If that makes since.
"Come back to me, like this was a movie" I want him to run over here in the rain and beg me back. But nothing will ever change. I am being ridiculous I know!!! But right now I can not help it. I don't have enough distractions in life to do so. I just want it back to the way it was before, when everything made since in my head. Or if I had realized everything before it was too late. But I can't take anything back.

It's a good thing I have work because if I didn't I would be at home on the couch moaping around. I dont work Sunday, Monday, Thursday.... those are gonna be hard days. I can't believe Christmas is almost here, I am not ready for it. But I am ready for a new year, maybe this one will be better, or a little easier. I am tired of holding on to things, its time to let go but it's harder and harder every day.
Better get ready for my double, ugh work is the same old routine, kinda boring and tiring. But I keep smiling.
Sorry my posts are so depressing.

David Wilson

David Wilson, one of my really good friends. This feels like an obituary but its not. lol
Like most of you know I am not really good with Goodbye's. I am really terrible at them actually. Lately people have been leaving for the break except a few of us. I hate to see them leave but one person I couldn't stop thinking of was David.
I've known him since June. I may have seen him slightly before that but the memory I most remember is the Stake service camp-out. As Suki and I were painting the cabins he followed us around while playing songs on his guitar. I can still picture it now like it was yesterday.
David and I have been through a whole heck of a lot together. He's one guy I knew I could trust. We've had our history of dating. We know how we work together. When I needed someone he was the guy I could call to come pick me up and we would be out for hours talking, laughing, crying. We had our moments though of frustration with each other just like everyone else.
Yesterday I had to say Goodbye to him for about 2 1/2 years or more. I was thinking about it all days so close to tears. It was most difficult at work because I had to work a double and I was going to miss him coming over to say goodbye. I couldn't decide if it was better to have him leave without me having to say goodbye or if it was good to face it and accept it and say goodbye.
Luckily, I had a 3 hour break between shifts and I left to come home and wait for him to stop by. I watched One Tree Hill to distract myself. Then decided I should put away my clothes... then I heard the knock at the door. I knew it was him, I took a deep breath and opened the door. I couldn't look him in the eye, I tried to not stand too close and I played off everything we said. Like I said, I didn't want to admit that he was actually leaving. Then he went to give me a hug.
As us girls know....BIG mistake, the tears started to finally fall. It felt good to finally cry but I it was a sad cry. He was leaving me (not just me but you know what I mean). This hurt more then anything! I didn't want him to leave, I held on as tight as I could and he knew. I told him I just don't want you to go. He let go and looked at me but I couldnt look at him. He wiped some tears from my face and pulled me back in.
I know that I will see him again and for awhile I can still text or talk to him but it's not the same. I know I have other friends but this last month I realized how much he actually meant to me and it was too late. He was going and it's all for a good reason. A mission is really important.
The time came and he did have to go so I opened the door to say goodbye to Houston... they started walking away and he turned half way around while walking and said Bye. And I lost it all over again but shut the door before he knew. And I just cried, I needed to though.
Then Suki came home and I had just gotten a hold of myself again and tears came down again when she asked if I was okay. But I had to go to work so I pulled myself back together again.
When I got to work everyone asked if I was alright and I said no not really and they would ask why and I said if I tell you I will cry all over again and I don't want to do that at work.
I am glad I had work though because towards the end of the night I was happy and laughing. But when I did get home I went to bed early.
I am alright now but if I had money I would fly out to see him in a heartbeat! But that probably wouldn't be a good idea because he is probably really busy.
He was the sweetest guy I've ever met and he would do anything for me. I may have gotten upset with him a few times or more but I cared about him more then anyone knew. He made me a better person and that I will forever be grateful for!
And I still have the notecards he wrote on saying "Thanks... For being amazing" they are attached to my wall. He always made me laugh, and understood me. He was one of the greatest friends, and I am glad I was able to meet him and get to know him.
p.s. of COURSE Taylor Swift had to be playing in the background when he came over to say goodbye.
Life moves on and I will do my best and I will keep in touch. He is going to be a really good missionary. =]
All I can say is that I am really glad it's the break because I can be sad if I want to but I won't sit around all day. Some how I will keep myself busy.
Thanks David for everything!

Corn Maze, last picture together

My ER buddy!!



Late nights at Denny's, shots!!!







The first weekend we met



Superhero

As girls we all wish for that knight and shining armor, or that superhero to save us like superman, spiderman, or batman. We dream of that day when they will sweep us up off our feet and take us away from all the bad things in the word. Basically we fall in love and we forget about all the bad that's happened in our lives. The day when we can find someone to truly lean on and take care of us.
I am sure you've heard the phrase: "My knight and shining armor is lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions." lol
In a way I am kind of afraid of that day. The day where I am going to have to trust someone whole heartly. And have to risk getting my heart broken every day. In the end it all will be worth it because without the experience of lose we never know true love, or true happiness.

Besides that speech haha I've been working a lot lately which is good because it keeps me busy. I have a lot of friends leaving today or tomorrow and i'm getting really sad for many reasons. There are some people I really don't want to let go even if they are only going away for the break. =[ Then there are some that aren't coming back for a long time, and idk if I can handle that. Goodbyes really suck! and I will NEVER be okay with them! =[
I've been doing laundry and organizing my room which feels great! And of course watching One Tree Hill, there are lots of lessons I learn from that show.  Even if it's drama filled, it just makes me forget about my own life sometimes.
Last final is today, then I am DONE with school, and how great a feeling that will be for a little while anyways. Then start my workout tomorrow, I must!!
Wish me luck in this world today!
btw all us roommates have footie pj's =] we took cute pictures last night!!! Suki posted them, I didn't cuz I don't go on facebook anymore. I've done a pretty good job =]

Jeans

Just like converse we all have our PERFECT pair of jeans. They just fit you right and you feel like you in them. And you never want to give them up even if they now have lots of holes. Also, the plus size is if they make your butt look good ;) haha
I personally like flare even if its not the style anymore and dark blue jeans. I love Aeropostle jeans the most.

Here is kind of an example, I didn't have time to take a pair of myself in my own favorite jeans.
It's great to have that outfit that gives you comfort! =] Especiall when things go all wrong.

Converse

I know I already blogged today BUT I remembered something I wanted to say.

CONVERSE

They are the LOVE of my life. They are the shoes I pretty much ALWAYS wear. They are a comfort to me. They make me feel like ME! They go with almost anything and almost everyone has a pair.

They just make me feel comfortable and normal but yet make me feel like myself. I don't think I could ever live without a pair. I mean LOOK at them, so amazing!!! I wish to have a pair in EVERY color but thats pretty much impossible. lol

Besides that haha I made my last attempt today trying something =] Now I feel fantastic so yay!!! I love my life, and am looking forward to trying this whole postitive/glass half full thing. 

I have TONS of laundry to do UGH, I dislike that.

= ]  = ]  = ]  = ]

Pathways

A good friend of mine, Jeff, was helping me in a time of need and came up with some really good things to think about. He pictures us all on our own path. There are times when paths cross and a friendship is made. That pathway will always be crossed but your pathways may not be as close anymore but you are still friends. That we all go our own way in life but that friendship that was made will always be there it just won't be the same. I realized that there are some changes I don't have the easiest time with; friendships. My path isn't going the same way they are but its worse because I keep looking back at what was instead of looking forward into this AMAZING future I could be having. I dwell on the past and want things to have stayed the same but it's time to turn around and face the front. That's something I truly need to be working on, never been so good at that. He brought up that it seems that I feel invisible to people. I said well not to everyone but yes to some I do. He goes that goes back to the path. They are looking forward and enjoying what they are having now and you see that instead of focusing on your path. He is simply a genius! Just thought I'd share that thought with you all.

He also related life to the food pyramid and how we have to eat all that healthy crappy food first until we reach the top where we can eat the sweetness. It may be small but it's worth it in the end. I need to work on being more positive in life, looking at it as glass half full. Also, need to look up some Ensign stories.

All in all it was an interesting night. Haha My first final is today, hate that the teacher split it in two because now we have to also come to class Thursday. Good luck to me haha

    

2010

 January- I moved into the Bytheway house, located in downtown Salt Lake City. I transferred to LDS Business College. This is where I met my new friends: Eileen, Keri, Lynnea, Cynthia, and Ashley. The biggest house ever, way cool! It was a little old but it wasn’t too bad. We all bonded right away it was great! It was nice living a couple blocks from where my mom works. This move to school helped my parents and I bond a lot better. =] Had a lot of frustrating money problems around this time, worse than I’ve ever known before. I met Brayden and Nathan. I realized that when a guy likes me that I run away. Also met my friend Griffin. My dear friend Katie from BYU-I didn’t leave too far away from me so she would come over a lot to hang out with us all.

February- The ending of Jan. and this month I was in a really depressed mood about life. Things just weren’t going right. There was so much change. I met another new friend, Wayne! Got my first eye infection, allergic to black nail polish I owned. My friend Julia got engaged =] I got voice lessons from Brittney, it was a great experience. Also, met my dear new friend Isaac. I hadn’t seen Will in awhile so went out to visit him in Ogden for a weekend. This is where I met Heather. Grandma Moore was having heart problems. My dad was going to go to Afghanistan.

March- In the experience of living in downtown without a car, I have become a Trax rider. It’s not as bad as it seems. I asked my mom why she doesn’t say I love you and she goes because the ones you love the most can hurt you. Found a new love for my mom, she means the world to me. I got my service calling. Had difficult times with the roommates. Started my 30 day commitment of working out. It was going really good =] “It’s the sense of touch. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something” I feel down the stairs, one of the funniest moments of my life (Lynnea and Keri) HAHA Having some family issues, that I believe brings us closer later on. I try to help out the best I can. I was on the KUED TV answering calls; it was a really good experience. Have a wonderful friend Laura that I’ve met. Taft died a year ago, its weird remembering all of that. I turned 19 with Lynnea and we had an AWESOME party!!! =]

April- I met my beautiful friend Mikelle =] Our ward got to sing against protestors for General Conference, it was the scariest, most thrilling experiencing I have EVER had! I loved having roof moments with Lynnea while singing Disney music. Sang in a showcase with our choir, and we did AMAZING!! It was so much fun. Got a brand new laptop, it’s a great feeling! I started working as a banquet server at the Lion House, and got my first credit card.

May- I met Kami, Suki, Logan, and Josh!! I love new friends. Suki soon became my best friend! =] “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” Was in my first photo shoot, taken by Laura! I felt beautiful, it was the funniest thing I’ve ever done. Went to Thomas the train with my nephew Jerimiah. I met Suki’s other best friend, Heather. I got called as a co-chair for the service committee. Also made another new friend Zach.

June- Had our first stake service committee campout, which was a lot of fun! Where I met David who sang to us while we work haha I re pierced my ears and dyed my hair blonde. I looked around for a new place to live for the first time on my own, with Suki’s help of course. It was a great learning experience. Bought a plane ticket to Michigan for a weekend to surprise my friend Carli for her graduation =] We bought a inflatable pool which was SO not a smart idea. Met up with our friends Nate and Sam and had great adventures in a freezing cold pool while David played his guitar. Had the best visiting teacher, Katherine. I had a new responsibility in life, which was harder than I thought it was going to be. Also learned about jealousy in all sorts of ways.

July- I met Lauren. I also experienced my first heat exhaustion, which was HORRIBLE! Got the cops called on a party we had lol I got another new phone, The reality. Realized people aren’t what you think they are, found out about Wayne. Had to deal with lots of drama this month with roommates but we learned to work it all out. Found out I have really bad allergies that I need to take medicine for now.We got a new roommate, Julie. I got my first digital SLR camera, Nikon!!! “The world doesn’t stop for anyone,  life keeps going and the world keeps spinning, in hopes that we will soon catch up to it.” Went to the Provo River to raft, really scary but super awesome! Was trusted. I met Andrew and Seth, crazy awesome guys! We started Bonfires this month. I became a lead on small shifts for work. =]

August- Our first ER trip with our dear friend Karlissa. Haha Went to New Mexico for the first time, went to a fair, a carnival, and saw Aztec ruins. The most fun I’ve had in a LONG time. I tried lots of new things. I worked on patience. Almost got hit by a car and my first thought was “That would of hurt.” Lol It was a tender mercy that’s for sure. I went to the ER next with a really bad bloody nose. Suki and I moved into our new apartment!! =] I learned how to truly be sorry.

September- I went on my next trip, Arizona! Where I met Haley, and Sally and went with Karlissa as well. I got my first Henna tattoo. I bought my first pair of skinny jeans and I love them. I also got footie pj’s with Stephanie!! Went to New Mexico again and to the four corners which was amazing!! I got a really cool bracelet. Also saw the ruins of a trading post, it was really interesting! My mom got laid off of work. Dallin got back from his mission, I was super excited to see him. I met Anthony. I became closer to the gospel from situations. Also, I got to experience this electric wave, aura stuff with your body. It really relieved some stress, way cool!
I learned to take deep breaths and take life step by step. We got a new roommate, Marilyn. I dated David. Honestly, the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.

October- Went to Colorado for a weekend with my family to see our cousin Emily’s wedding. It was really good to see them again. “Life is too hard without something to hold onto.” Honestly can’t remember much of what happened this month, it’s all kind of a blur. Had another party this time at Haley’s and got the police called on us twice so we got a fine. David and I broke up. I got to know Jeff, coolest person ever!

November- I can’t really tell you much that happened here because I became a blogger (thanks to Mallory!) and wrote in it EVERY day and then accidently deleted all my posts so I don’t remember much of what happened. I became addicted to Taylor Swift’s new CD. My roommates left me for Thanksgiving to Washington and it took them 4 days to get home. I almost went crazy! I had moments I regret but such is life. Also met my good friend Spencer. And I got to know my friend Devrey a little better!

December- I now have 3 blogs. 1. An everyday blog everyone can read. 2. A personal journal type blog no one can see 3. One where I write about my scripture reading that day. I think blogging has been really good for me. Suki and I are the best of friends as always! Have to say a lot of goodbyes to those who are leaving for break. On a random note, I’ve been on a One Tree Hill kick! =] This month I have struggled with actually caring about life, seems kind of pointless sometimes. Made another ER trip, this time for Suki, she’s so clumsy and I am messy. (aka I was building a shelf and left it out unfinished and she fell and cut her leg on it)


                                                                                                                                           

This year has been very different from other years but I realized how SO much can happen in just a matter of a week. I was really surprised! If I did not mention your name I am really sorry, I did it all in a hurry so please forgive me. I really do care about you all!!! This year I’ve experienced love and felt loss. I wouldn’t take any of it back because it’s made me grow stronger. It also made me realize a lot more things that I kept trying to avoid. On a funny side note this year I’ve kissed 5 guys, only one being my boyfriend. Haha
I’ve also become closer with my family and love them all very much. I have found my true friends and learned lots from them all. I could probably say that I’ve cried more this year than any other BUT I have also truly laughed harder than any year as well. We had lots of awesome picture moments, adventures, and mistakes but all memories we will never forget! =]

Crap

There has been a lot of crap going on and I haven't had a lot of time to update this thing. Okay not all of it has been crap. Where do I start…

I had a sleepover Friday night which was a BLAST! I don't have pictures yet but when I do I will upload them. It was Suki and I then, Sally, Roxy, and Roxy's roommate (idk how to spell her name). It was a perfect amount of people. First we danced around to some awesome 'oldies' songs then decided to make a fort!!! This was the most epic fort ever!! Suki mostly built it because she was the tallest one haha Then in a circle underneath it and decided to tell stories that turned into each of us telling a part of the story and passing it on. This story went on for an hour and a half. It was super good though, very creative. They had crazy names and two guys in love with this peasant girl. And an evil king and magical dust. Haha It was great! Afterwards we got up and went to Maverik for some treats =] When we arrived back to our fort we played truth/truth. Someone asked you something and you had to answer truthfully. It was pretty fun, we got some deep questions going. Then we got into embarrassing moments which is always funny. Around 330 Roxy and her roommate left and we all went to bed in the fort. =]

We woke up around 10 am! Suki and I got ready for my photo shoot with E.T. to start off my Taylor Swift scrapbook. It was SO much fun!! He is such a good model too =] We took about 300 some pictures, not all good but we got a lot of good shots. A lot of people around us either thought we were getting engagement pictures or we were doing some weird things. I will show you a sneak peek of one. It is unedited mind you but simply amazing!!! One really captured a moment that still breaks my heart today but that's what I wanted so no big deal. It sure was freezing outside after awhile. Then we went back to my house and made dinner and Suki and I got ready for her nieces 5^th birthday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The birthday party was super awesome though. We were there until 1100 though ahh!!! I get bored super easily and was already really tired. But we had a beautiful/yummy cake made my Ange. A strawberry shortcake =] Then we all basically talked or played with the kids. They have LOTS of energy. When we did leave we stopped at Wendys and got food! Yummy!! Anthony was with us, and we had some really good talks which I hadn't had for awhile.

We got back around 1 and I didn't get to sleep until about 2 or so. Blah so I didn't go to church again or at least to my ward, going to go to sacrament at least at the other ward. Life is super rough sometimes and people don't ever see or realize. I have finally decided that I don't care about some things I should have stopped caring about FOREVER ago. Can't wait until the semester is over then I get finally get everything organized and feel like myself again.

Best get ready for church. I hope to not be late. Btw DO NOT share these pictures with anyone they are not edited yet and they won't understand the whole idea without the rest of the pictures. I need to start finishing up my dress so we can get done with those pictures.

Me

I am trying out this word document thing that posts my blog so if something happens I still have my posts on word.

When I deleted all my posts (because I didn't read the info) I felt like a work of art I had slaved over was gone! It was me, it described my life and now a month and a half worth of my life is gone! I lay awake for thirty minutes to an hour because I was so upset! I woke up this morning feeling alright about it all. I can't go back and change it even though I wish I could but instead I learned from my mistake and am never going to do it again! So I will pick up again and move on. Man!

Okay so it was POURING down rain when I awoke this morning. Which was later then I was supposed to be waking up. It's hard to make yourself go to a class where all you do is grade people on their oral presentation. I am sorry but I don't want to drag myself out of bed for that when I have important things to do. Like cleaning my clothes and my house for the sleepover tonight!!!! I am super stoked!! I just hope everyone comes that says they would and that we all have a really fun time =]

Heaven knows with all these finals we could all use a little break. Hopefully this will work. I am in no mood to clean though, but hopefully get on it soon since I have to go to work soon then come straight to the sleepover. I really need something to kick my butt into shape. I feel lazier than ever before. More like our house is so frustrating!! I don't have much more to say except that I realized these past couple nights I can't sleep on my stomach anymore which is frustrating. It just starts hurting…weird. Can't wait for the semester to be over then start up on my workouts and changing over a new leaf. Life is going to be great…so school let's get over with already!

stupid!!!

GUess who is SUCH an idiot!!! ME!!! I deleted all my posts because I wasn't thinking and now I have NO WAY of getting them back.
I am really angry at myself.
I REALLY needed those!!!!