Christmas time

I love music in general and Christmas time brings out some good music we don't always hear.
My top 3 favorite Christmas songs
1. O Holy Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H4xtRY9V7I
2. Mary, did you know? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifCWN5pJGIE
3. The First Noel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4iXatDeY7A

I love most Christmas songs but these are usually the ones that move me to tears or just bring up emotion. I'm not one to cry over things very often so if a song can move me to tears, that person was doing something right =]

I love Christmas partly because of the gifts because receiving gifts and giving gifts is my love language so I feel loved =] BUT also has me and most people thinking of the birth of Christ.

I remember when I was pregnant with Isaac around Christmas in 2010 I felt Christmas from a different perspective. Instead of just Christ in general I was relating to Mary and giving birth to a child, now she gave birth to a King. And just knowing some of the feelings she felt. And then Christmas 2011 I had a baby boy in my arms and she had given birth to a baby boy. I just felt so much closer to Mary and all she had went through to bring Jesus here. I can only imagine all she was feeling.

I think I wrote about this a few posts back around Christmas time and not imaging how she did it without her mother and so young and no doctors to help. Thankfully she was blessed with Joseph a caring husband who did all he could to make her comfortable.

In this life its hard enough being a parent and worrying if your raising your children right. I always tell people one of my favorite parts of becoming a parent is being pregnant. I didn't probably eat the best for them but they were protected in there and I felt like out of all my parenting so far that I did the best caring them inside. Once they are out you can screw up so much more lol
I know i'm not a bad parent but every parent makes mistakes and you worry it will effect your children forever.

On another note of Christmas I was thinking of angels. And I believe there are angels in our lives as regular people. And that one of their many purposes was to help some of us along the way in our lives. And that I've probably been or will be an angel to someone along the way.

I can't wait to return to heaven and see my life and see how I might have helped people. Hopefully I did more helping then hurting but we aren't perfect. And to maybe see my angels that at the time I might not have noticed were being an angel to me and my family.
Here's to being an angel to as many people as possible and seeing more good in my life video then bad =]

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

 I still can't believe it's almost Christmas, it doesn't always feel like it and that its almost 2016! A lot has happened since last New Years and I can honestly say towards the last half of the year I've become a better me.

I will dearly miss spending time with family, this will be the first Christmas were I am not with either side of the family. Thankfully I get to be with my own little family but am greatly missing extended family as Christmas gets closer. I hope they are all safe and enjoy Christmas and the New Year.

Lucky

This one time I went to Costco with the boys.... that particular day I got lots of compliments on how cute the boys were and asked me how far apart they were, the usual.
There was one lady though who was probably in her 70's and kept saying how cute they were and how lucky I was.

It really didn't hit me at first but today I got to thinking how she was right. I am very lucky to have fairly well behaved boys and lucky that I was able to have kids. I know a few friends that struggle with that. And it's something I am blessed with but so easily forget.

And in the future maybe I will understand how those people feel from either a lose of a child, or struggle to conceive. But for now I am lucky and blessed.

It is so easy to go through out your day to day issues and busy schedules to forget the things/people you were blessed to have in your life. And some people may never get some of those blessings.

My boys bring me SO much joy and adventure to my life. They make me see things in a different way. We will eventually add more cute babies to our family. For now i'm working on me because it takes a lot of work to bring these babies into the world and to raise them that I so easily forget to take care of myself. Right now i'm working on me for mainly myself but also to protect my boys physically if ever something were to happen to our family.

May today I look at the people/things i'm blessed or lucky to have instead of dwelling on the things I don't have yet.

Quotes:
"When I wake up and look at them, I still can't believe their mine. How did I get so lucky"
"No. We don't always get what we want. But consider this: There are people who will never have, what you have, right now."
"I'm blessed with everything I need. I am working hard towards everything I want. And most of all I appreciate & Thank God for what I have."
"I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I didn't know I needed."

Enjoy some pictures of them together, they are my world! And though they fight with each other sometimes you can also see how much they love each other.

 

And just because I miss my pregnant belly- I rocked being pregnant! just saying

Isaac inside at 8 motnhs

Isaac 2 weeks before he came- look at that round huge belly

Jackson inside at 7 months- I look great!

Jackson inside at 8 months

Goals

I've never been huge into goal making, I don't have anything against them. I would write goals down but never break them up and really focus on them.
I figured to get far especially in fitness i'm going to need to really set my goals and break them down. So i'm a little early for posting my new years goals but that's ultimately what these are going to be.

First it will be my main goal and then broken in to pieces to help achieve those goals or what to do to make them happen.

Fitness: Keep working out 4-5 days a week

-Weights: Right now depending on the area i'm working out I can do 5-10 lbs of lifts for arms. I would like to work on my arms about 2 times a week at least and keeping pushing it and go up to 15lbs as my lightest weight if possible. Legs i'm not sure yet haven't worked those besides with cardio so I will think on it.

-Running: My main goal for this is to run a 5k eventually so work on slowly keeping my pace and adding more time or speeding up time to get to a 5k. Then in the spring I plan to run outside on occasions. Right now in 30 mins I can do about 2 miles give or take depending on the day.

Health: Make a meal plan for ALL my meals and snacks so I don't just pick random things to eat because i'm bored or don't know what to make myself, Make a meal prep day to help with the meal planning and food shopping list.

-Water: at least 4 of my big glasses and more after or during work out

-Food: More fruits and veggies and less treats, maybe at least 1 treat a day. Mostly I need to eat more food in general....it sounds weird to those that like food but this one is going to be tough for me. But with a meal plan might make it a lot easier.

Spiritual: Try to really focus on the Spirit through out the day and help those in need. With scriptures and prayer I really need to get up at a certain time every day so maybe 6:30am or 7:00am (test both out) so I have time to do these things before the boys wake up.

-Scriptures: Read a chapter of the scriptures a day and ponder it.

-Prayer: Meaningful prayers morning and night not just quick prayers with not much thought to them.

Family: Be together as much as we can. Really focus on the best parts of them. And always be loving and caring towards them. We are doing great at scripture and prayer time in the evening together so we are going to keep on this and then work a little better at Family Home Evening together.

-Couple goals: Still want to keep up with at least 1 day night a month but be more understanding and caring and do better at making lunches for Spencer =]

-Children goals: Jackson moving in to Isaacs room and Isaac potty training

Financial: I want to open a savings account soon and add maybe at least $10-20 every month first and add more later. Be better at grocery's and what to buy when and what store will give me the best deal.

Cleaning: I need to set certain days to focus on certain cleaning tasks so that I don't keep pushing everything until Saturday because I didn't know when or what to do.

These are a lot of goals so right now I will probably work on a few until they become a better routine and then add more =]

NEVER GIVE UP! I'm going to post quotes around the house I think too.

Act your age

Another thought came to me =] surprise! Your age really doesn't matter it's a number. So just because someone is older them or i'm older then someone doesn't mean I should be smarter then or that I am smarter then them. It's really on your life and how much education and experiences you've had.

I will be sad to admit that I've found quite a few people that are younger then me that I personally feel are smarter then me. It's not a terrible thing but if you look at the age sometimes I fell well I should be smarter then them i'm older! haha no!

Now I bet I know a few things that they don't know because our lives are all different and we have had different situations to deal with then others.

And with kids I've realized sometimes they get away with things because they are young but there are days I feel just like them and would love to be allowed to act a little bit like that.
Some days I can tell Isaac is overwhelmed with lots of feelings so he acts out or gets angry and you know I feel that way too and I wish I could just burst in tears or throw a tantrum (I bet throwing a big crazy tantrum would be fun)

We do need some mature people especially in public, there are already a few adults that don't "act their age" when they should. But we all have our moments and "breakdowns" from time to time. Being a human being is hard and there are some days so many emotions that we just want a break from "acting our age".

I will never be someone to lie about my age. Now I may not feel smart but I can always eventually take more classes and learn new things. For now i'm focusing on being a mom which does teach me things that I wouldn't learn in a class. I do feel though when we are older we become wiser because we are closer to death and see things in a different light. You are slowing down and appreciating more things, not always by choice lol sometimes our bodies just have to slow down.

And sometimes we just need a nap! Am I right?? lol

Quotes:
"I'm stronger because I had to be, i'm smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I've known, and now wiser because I learned."
"We mature with the damage, not with the years."
"Aging is out of your control. How you handle it, though, is in your hands."
"Some people try to turn back their odometers, not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved." (beautifully said)
"Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90...time is a concept that humans created."

Clay in His Hands

I love this song, and there isn't much to explain the words say it all.
We go through all of these things in life to mold us to who are supposed to become. Only God knows what we need to become and we can't go through life without Him.
And countless times I know I haven't been centered enough in the Gospel and every time I struggle more then usually it's usually becomes i'm not doing everything to keep me as close as I should be to Him.
I was just reminded about the song today so I'm going to leave the lyrics here and a link at the bottom if you want to hear it, it's beautiful! If I ever had the nerve to sing in front of people by myself this is one of the songs I would sing. Music is so powerful and can really speak to people and say the things you feel that you never know how to put into words. 

Enjoy! =]

"Clay in His Hands" By: Jessie Clark Funk

There are times we all feel unimportant
There are times we feel we've nothing there to give
That our lives are like the waves upon the ocean
Tossing to and fro, no compass from within

But our Lord, our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand

(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done

At times along the way there'll be refining
As flaws appear that weaken from within
If we are pliable and trust in the Master's hand
They can disappear as though they'd never been

Because our Lord, Our Father,
We are the clay, He is the Potter
We are the work of His hand


(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done

Holding strong even through fire (repeat)
All our strength it will require (repeat)
But as God's vessel we emerge (repeat)
And lasting beauty will endure (repeat)


(chorus)
We are clay in His hands,
Centered on the wheel
As the wheel spins, the potter rolls,
creating something beautiful
We are clay in His hands
All we can become
Is shaped by the master,
That's where his finest work is done

We are clay in His hands (repeat x3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko-4p0uUFS4

Broken

This post idea came to me like most as I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep (aka having conversations with myself in my head, this is a typical occurrence)

We are all broken either physically or mentally or emotionally. I believe we are always constantly repairing ourselves from rips and tears.

I think most of us are battling inner wounds daily and some days we heal really well and then the next leave a big tear.

All those trials can make us stronger but will always leave a scar but without those trials in our lives we may never become the person we are today or will be some day.

I also think that sometimes we act a certain way to hide deeper issues we may have.

It brings me back to my ear infection where I was in SO much pain and couldn't hear right but when people saw me they never would of known what I was going through and how I was feeling.

Hopefully the way we choose to heal ourselves is in a good way but we live and learn. And hopefully things work out in the end.

I was thinking yesterday how sometimes we even look at people and are surprised by their actions and might even say I would never do that but then realize oh my gosh I totally have done something very similar to that. It's all about perspective and trying not to judge others (even though it's so easy to do that) and realize there is more to their issues then we probably know. I am guilty of judging people...I just try better next time.

I could make a list of so many things I struggle with and hope to one day be better at. But not that the whole world needs to know about my issues so I won't write them down here.
But I do suggest finding a bestie and talking your feelings out every once in awhile, it's one of my therapeutic methods besides going to a therapist lol

This just brings out how much I would someday love to learn more about psychology. The brain and emotions and everything are so fascinating to me. Why people do what they do based on past experiences.

I hope this all came out right, background kid shows are distracting my train of thought. I should of gotten up and wrote it last night before I forgot half of my thoughts.

Quotes:

"Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on." (AMEN! I know there are chapters of my life i'm not proud of but they've made me who I am and I hope people didn't judge me by those mistakes when they probably didn't know why I was acting the way I was)

"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."

"Always a work in progress" (I think this was the quote I was given, we are always working to improve ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally...etc.)

drawn to people

Let me first start off with saying, both my boys are napping at the same time...it's magical.
And second I have fallen IN love with quotes lately. I find so many that seem to say exactly what I feel but didn't know how to say. They just hit home to me.

I constantly have lots of things going on in my head and blogging helps me get it out there even if not that many people care to read my posts. Maybe one day one might inspire someone or help someone struggling or help them feel that they aren't the only one that feels a certain way.

I love finding people that I have common interests with. But I always love getting to know all sorts of people. But I've found I'm drawn to a certain type of person most of the time. And I think that it's usually becomes I wish I had their personality or that I looked like them. Or maybe I need to learn something from them or they need to learn something from me. If we become friends that's a happy bonus if we don't then hopefully we learned something along the way.

Moving to Oregon I had to meet new people. Even though I have friends back in Utah or wherever they've moved to, talking over the phone isn't always as nice as getting together in person. ( Miss you tons Channelle) But either way thank heavens for technology when we do need that best friend to talk to about the random things in life.

My main point is I think we meet or run into people for a reason even if we may not know why until later in life. And like I said in my last post, I care what people think about me. (i'm trying to work on that) I always have, and people lie all the time that I always wonder if someone is just saying something because they know its what I want to hear or what they think they should say but it's not what they really mean.
I always worry about being that person that is annoying to someone when really i'm just trying to get to know you, it can be fun getting to know a new person especially if you find common likes and dislikes.

I just try to remind myself that everyone has their own lives and just because things come up or change doesn't mean it was because of me. (eek maybe I act a little selfish when i'm talking to myself in my head)

We are all focused on our own lives that it's easy to pass by and maybe forget about others. I'm sure I do the same things to other people. I try never to make people feel left out but it can happen so easily.
Yesterday I realized that i'm more of a one on one person, and I get lost in a group of people. I have more fun with a very small group of people. I love talking to usually just 1 or 2 people at a time and just focusing on that person.

I'm a work in progress people ( who isn't), we all have our own things in life we struggle with. We just don't always talk about how we feel now a days and sometimes then problems don't get resolved. I am terrible at communicating how I feel to the person I may be upset with because I feel like they would think I was being childish for expressing my feelings.

So when we meet a person they may not stay in our life forever but that doesn't mean we can't show them our best self and even sometimes our worst self. It's nice to share even out faults with a person because who knows maybe they have a great helpful tip or are going through the same thing.

As usually this was kind of all over the place and i'm sure I've missed some points I was going to catch up on but 1 child is up and crying sooo I will wrap this up with once again a few more quotes that I love.

"If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. no reasons. no excuses."
"There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life, or you're the one that'll change theirs."
"All I need is someone who can stay no matter how hard it is to be with me."
"I need someone in my life who is going to motivate me and who can match my goals and ambition
"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does- that makes you a winner right there."

Balance

Have you ever realized that every once in awhile you start feeling like you hear or see the same phrase or word constantly....it probably means you should listen to it. =]

Yesterday I had a MUCH needed conversation with a friend that helped me realize a few things about myself and regroup. I can easily worry and stress over sometimes the littlest things and I think recently it got to the point where it made me feel sick. I try so hard to please everyone and not to hurt feelings or make people angry with me, but I know I can't always make the situation fit happily for everyone. What a bummer.

A couple posts ago I talked about starting to run daily and get into being more physically fit. I would like to report i'm doing great! I have joined a 20 day trail at a gym to try and incorporate more then just running in to my routine. I've never been a gym person so I feel a bit lost when I go but so far some of the group classes I took were fun!
You know that feeling when you (probably more women feel this then men) put on jeans after being in the dryer they fit snugger usually....well yesterday my jeans slid right on with no problem! One of the best feelings in the world =] And makes me feel like all the work I've been doing these 5 weeks are starting to show, even if other people can't really tell yet. It gives me that other boost to keep going.

This now gets into the balance part of what I wanted to talk about. Since I've started to go to a gym and work out in general I've been having trouble finding the balance and when I should go. I'll try and list a few things and reasons. I know some might seem silly and I will explain why talking to my friend made me see more to the issue.

Most of the stress is on finding the right time because I felt I was losing time with my family.
I used to work out in the mornings and found that I think that's the reason I would die out fast. I love being a lazy morning person especially since I've had kids. Since Jackson wakes up sometimes at 5:30 in the morning I just don't want to get up at 4:30am just to make sure I get my work out done before Jackson gets up. And I don't like being that stay at home mom who is in her pjs all day or work out clothes all day until I can finally get that workout in by the afternoon. (There is nothing wrong with that for the people that do that, its just not for me) I feel by the time I would get to the work out I would not care to do it anymore. I love getting showered and ready for the day even though I don't put make up on half the time or do my hair nice...remember i'm a mom so that hair ends up not pretty an hour later or that make up is smudged because they are stressing me out that day so i'm trying to keep it all together.

^ Above that I tried doing mornings at the gym and they have a wonderful daycare, Isaac did great but Jackson was struggling and it was just too hard for me to justify leaving them with semi strangers for an hour every day. I felt it was better they be left with dad and have bonding time with him. And in general it was just harder to get everyone together and set off to the gym knowing it was possible I wasn't going to get a good workout in because Jackson kept crying. Most moms know the struggling of leaving their kids at a daycare. I am thankful that's something I haven't had to do and so because I have that choice, I choose not to leaving them with a daycare for my workout needs.

Spencer has been working out too now and so trying to make time for both of us to work out without neglecting the kids was hard for me. I have found that the evenings work best for me physically because i'm usually ready for a break from the kids and that energy gets put towards my work out which usually makes me do better and gives me some "me" time which I've found has been very helpful. But because of some of the class times at the gym its us eating dinner later then usually which ends up sometimes me missing dinner with them. And we want to keep eating dinner together as a family.

Spencer and I and the kids all have maybe 3 hours together every night and if I go to the gym that then leaves only 2 (this is meaning until the time at least 1 of them goes to bed) And if Spencer goes to the gym before Jackson goes to bed then that only leaves 1 hour. I felt like leaving them ruins that short time we all have of all being together.

I don't think the kids mind me leaving especially because they get that daddy time and when I return they are always so glad to see me which gives me another little boost for the night. =]

So in a nutshell it's been great but still trying to figure out the semi perfect time for me to go, maybe we eat dinner first and I go later to work out. I'm usually STARVING by the time I start a workout even if I eat 40 minutes before I go workout. I may have to start bringing some healthy snacks or something. This brings me to another point. Eating healthy......I have noticed that because I work out more I don't eat as much junk, but because being a picky eater I stress so much about what food choices I can make that are healthy without them gagging me. I stress about food so much because now that i'm working out I need to be eating more since i'm burning off so many calories but I hate food. I mean I love food but because of being picky it means I have to eat more of what I already eat the same of all the time. And I just run out of ideas and so I've been trying not to over focus on this but when your hungry a lot it's not easy to avoid =]

When I was talking to my friend she brought up how her husband always says those are all little branches of issues, what's the root problem? It's hard to really explain but in a nutshell I think maybe my root problem is that my goal is to feel good about myself and not wanting someone to be upset with me because of whatever choice I make. In the long run I just want to be proud of myself and I feel that working out is working on a problem I've struggled with more then I realize. By being more fit and in shape I think it will solve a lot of issues in life I've had. I really working on myself to be better for everyone and for me. For once i'm trying to take care of myself and by doing that I worry I might miss time I could have with my family but it might help me live longer in the end.  (My friend was right, I should of written some of this down because I think I've forgotten some things we talked about, oops)

Basically I need to be at least a little less lazy in the mornings and afternoons and focus better on cleaning the house, laundry, dishes, all of that fun stuff so that it's one less thing to worry about in the evenings. Now with boys that make a mess with toys, it wont be easy to keep up on but I will do better, I need to do better.

I've been really into fitness quotes because some give me the strength to keep going. So here are a few:

"Don't stop until your proud"
"You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow, you choose."
"I'm working on a new me, not because the old me is bad but because the old m can improve."
"The only way you will see results is if you stay consistent"
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't
"Some day its not about health or building muscle. It's just therapy" (this has become so true for me)
"I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't" (my #1 fav)
And lets end with some balance quotes
"Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender." -Danielle orner
"Balance- comes in the moments you stand up for the life you truly want by making choices that align with that life."

I worry about what people think of me, I know that's so high school but it's something I've always been really good at/ struggled with..... this leads to my next post coming soon