New Mother's

No one every tells you the bad stuff about having a baby besides that you will lose sleep.
I'm here to say a few things on the matter. You are going to cry maybe not right away like I did and its going to take more then a few weeks to feel like you are okay
You will probably have.moments where you don't like your baby
And you won't want to leave them to just cry but sometimes you have to
Your going to feel like a terrible mother provably.more than once
This is all normal and it doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you a normal mom but you just never hear moms talk about it.
I thought maybe I was doing a good job because people never told me how hard it would be even with a spouse
We have our good and our bad days.
It just takes time. Some people master it faster then others and thats okay, just take your time. And sleep is very important but so is getrig a few things done here ans there. It makes you feel like you did accomplished something and I know a clean space with no clutter made me feel better.
As long as you fed them, burped them, changed there diaper and cuddled or rocked them that's all you can do. But also know sometimes fussiness means something.
Some people will say babies are just fussy and yes but also sometimes it means they aren't feeling good which could be anything really. Listen to your gut, if some of these things aren't working for Isaac I'm going to make an appointment.
One thing that tells me I'm a good mom is that I get sad and upset when he is sad which tells me I care about him and want him to feel good.
Yeah I've gotten frustrated tons of times and felt like a terrible mother even though I didn't do anything wrong. You just love and comdort them the best you can but know its okay to give them to someone so you can take care of yourself. If you don't sleep, eat, or take a break then you aren't going to be 100% to take care of your baby. They sure so require a lot of attention.
Babies come out loving you 100% and they know you are doing the best you can since they can't always tell us what is wrong with them.
It took me a little while to ask for help and when I tried to find people I got a lot of no I can't today or right now and it didn't help my situation but don't give up "this too shall pass" or you will find someone it just takes time and patience.
I'm forever grateful for those who have helped and even if you were one that couldn't at that moment I know you would of if you could.
One thing I find funny and frustrating is that when I did give him to people to watch he never cried for them. I felt like no one believed me that he was a fussy baby. And was mad that I got all the screaming and crying and they got all the good moments.
If you have a spouse talk to them about your feelings. I haven't really said everything I've felt yet and I probably should. I know it will really help.
Also don't be a super mom, I always felt like I should be the one that gets up or stays up with him at night but you and your spouse are a team so you should take turns if you can. Just cuz I'm the mom doesn't mean I am the only one that needs to take care of him. And Spencer is pretty darn good at helping me and sometimes I feel bad cuz he has to go to work and he needs sleep to keep up at work.
Man this was a lot of babble but today I realized not many talk about the hard things. I've known a few new moms and haven't heard much about their hard times and I thought I was the only one that was having a hard time. But once I did say a few things other mothers said they had felt that way too.
We just had another hard day today and it took awhile to be okay. And I can't wait for my patents to be home tomorrow. Just knowing that others are here if I need them helps even if I don't ask them for help.

I have good times with my baby so please don't think it's all bad. I just know people don't always talk about the bad moment's in being a new mom. But sometime I will get around to posting all the happy things!

On a random happy note Kelly Clarkson is now following me on Twitter and is putting our wedding picture in her lyric video for her song "tie it up", can't wait until it comes out so everyone can see it! =]

Now some cute pictures of course!! He will be 4 weeks on Monday!!!! Hopefully should be getting the newborn pictures from Laura soon =]

Circumsion

Let me first start off by saying I know I didn't have to get him circumsised but it's what we both decided on. And everyone has their own opinion on the matter but keep that all to yourself because it's already done.

It took us FOREVER to finally get him in and get his circumsion done. If we ever have another boy it's getting done in the hospital right after and or I now know to schedule it as soon as possible.
We had a great doctor that did it, he's a great guy.
My mom was able to go to the appointment with me. We heard him screaming (They need sound proof walls for that room) Now he was screaming because he didn't want to be strapped down and naked but I didn't know that at the time and I also just knew what was going to happen to him so it made me sad.

It's hard being a mother of a son, one when you choose to get them circumsised you know in the long run it will be better for them but at the moment you feel like a terrible person because you made the choice for them to be hurt. It sounds silly and all mom's see it differently but that's how I saw it. And I know i'm not a bad person for doing it, it was just how I felt.

When he came out he looked pretty content and that made me feel better. I went home and went to pump and when I came back upstairs he was screaming. I could tell it was a different kind of cry then i've heard from him before. I knew it was a cry of pain and it broke my heart. So we gave him medicine and it took FOREVER to kick in. I'm glad my parents were still here. He cried and I knew that nothing was going to make him stop so then I started to cry. I just couldn't help it, so he would cry then I would cry. Thankfully my parents stayed a little later then they planned and they took turns holding him a little.

It is just so much harder on a mother then the child, but it's because you know they are in pain and that's just the worst. I wanted to undo it so he wouldn't hurt anymore. Thankfully Spencer decided to come home a little earlier from work. But of course by that time Isaac was already pretty good cuz the medicine kicked in. I was just emotionally drained of course.

But I was just so grateful he was home, I wish he worked from home a lot of the time because it would make a few things easier.

We've kept up with the medicine because we don't want him in pain. I know they say try to avoid giving him medicine non stop. But I am doing it at a normal amount and tomorrow we will probably stop to see if he is doing better. Because then I won't be home alone with a screaming baby.

I just don't do well with crying babies I know that sounds weird but honestly Isaac doesn't cry much and if he does it's for a reason so I can fix it. But when it's a cry that I can't fix for him right away then it just makes me cry. Then we are just two babies crying lol

He slept pretty good last night though and is doing very well this morning. He was wide eyed from about 9am-12 and I've finally gotten him to sleep because he was getting tired.

It's the first day of summer so we are just relaxing for the day and getting a few things done here and there.
Yesteday Spencer and I finished up Doctor Who 7th season, MAN I LOVE this new companion and they ended it SO well! I can't wait until the thanksgiving/christmas special comes out!!!
If you've never watched Doctor Who, you just must! It's on Netflix except for most or all of 7th season. It just makes me day along with Ellen of course who is sadly over for the summer so it's just all re runs.

Have a wonderful day! On a random note congrats to Suki, she had her baby girl yesterday night =]

week two

Thursday, i'm not sure what happened this day to be honest..... but wednesday is when I had my dentsit appointment, and the bump on my gums is a pregnancy thing they call a tumor. It's normal but I had never heard of it so I was given some mouthwash to make it go away. And that evening I also got to have some time to myself outside of the home for a little bit.

Friday grandma and grandpa peacock came to visit. Within a minute of being held by his grandma he spit up a fountain of milk all over her. I felt so bad but she just laughed and kept holding him. lol We stopped by Salt Lake to have lunch with Spencer and then my work to show of little Isaac. Then later that evening Jessica, Mike, & Mason came down. Mason is such an active happy boy, so we had some fun times. Then my mother in law said if he wakes up in the middle of the night you can text me and I can take him and rock him. So we decided why not, so she got some extra grandson time from 3am-4am that night. ooh we gave him a bath, he actually didn't mind it too much this time =]

Saturday we all headed towards Farmington and stopped at McDonald's to eat lunch; my mouth bleed again from the sore. Then Spencer, Isaac, and I had a photo shoot with Laura. He was awake through the whole thing. He got cranky and so I rocked him to sleep but we weren't able to get any sleeping pictures. It looked like we got a few good ones though so can't wait to see them. Then we all met up at our apartment and finally cleaned everything out. I will miss the place but at the same time I am glad we are done with it. Then we all headed back and had a nice evening.

Sunday I was not in the best of mood. They had asked Spencer to give a talk about being a new father which was great but it was our first Sunday at church as a family and Isaac's blessing day so I was kind of bitter that I couldn't even sit by my husband. But the blessing went great, Isaac was awake the whole time and I was able to get it recorded.  Spencer was emotional through it which made me almost cry but I held back. lol Then his talk was beautiful, he is such a great husband/father. We then went back home and took some pictures of him in his outfit and sadly had to say our goodbyes. Then I was able to take a nap...it ended up being 2 hours long, i didn't mean it for that long but I sure felt better.

Monday Isaac is now 2 weeks old. We had his doctor's appointment, everything is looking great. He is now 8 lbs 3 oz, he always seemed like a big boy to me. She burned his belly button a little to help it stay away from infection, he has a yeast infection on his bum =[ and we had to get his heel pricked. I held him and he cried and held on to my arm tight. It was said but he did really good. Then we took a trip to Wal-Mart to get him some medicine for his infection. I feel we are slowly getting to know each other

Tuesday our 2nd year anniversary. Isaac slept lots on me, he now seems easily comforted by me then others. Not always but mostly. So he fell asleep on me a lot so we had our cuddle time but made for eating for myself a little hard. Spencer and I decided to go out to Applebee's for dinner. I feel like I can eat a lot more now that there is no baby in my belly.

On a side note my belly button is back in, not that it was every fully sticking out. I am 121 lbs, my start weight was 118 so that's pretty awesome, but things aren't tightened. He sure eats a lot so I have to make sure and pump every 2 or 3 hours but if I can't we do give him formula. I should eat a little better to make sure my milk still comes in. His eyes are starting to become a lighter blue which is fine but it throws me off everytime his eyes are open cuz i'm used to them being dark blue. He is a really good baby and I love him to pieces. We are still getting used to a few things and when Grandma (my mom) leaves on Thursday for a week we will def. have our moment's i'm sure. I've been getting some TV show's in since he likes me to hold him, I can easily watch TV so that's been kind of relaxing. Also i'm pretty sure i'm healing quite nicely. And sadly he has his circumsion tomorrow (Thursday), I hope he does okay, i'm not going in the room with him but I trust the doctor.

Now I will show him off in a few pictures i've taken.

Passed out on our bed, he really loves sleeping there

captured a smile =]

Just having one of those staring moments

His blessing outfit, he kind of was drowning in it

Our little family =]

My "Super men" =]

He listened to me while i read him a book, he liked the bright pages

loves sleeping on mommy

Week one

Let me first start off that when i'm blogging about hard times and difficult things i'm not looking for words of encouragement i'm just blogging mainly for me to look back on and for those who want to know what it's like to be a first time mom (my situation will be different from others). So comment if you want but I'm not looking for encouragement. But thanks for any concerns that you may have.

Tuesday we had another little scare about him doing this choking so made an appointment with his peditritian sooner than later. This was the first night we were REALLY taking care of Isaac.... the worst night of my life. He cried and he cried, and it was mainly because he was hungry but he wasn't eating from me so I really couldn't do much about it. But once again i'm not sure how anyone can raise a baby without a spouse or parents because it is emotionally & physically the hardest thing i've ever done and I have help. I will admit I cried like a baby that first night, as a first time mom you sure feel like every time they cry you failed at something. But really they are crying becasue thats the only way they know how to tell you that something is wrong, so it takes time to get to know each cry.

Wednesday we got ready and went to Dawn Powell our pediatritan, I chose her kind of at random and MAN she is amazing, I couldn't of picked anyone better. He measured about 6 lbs 13 oz but not too extreme and she said he is starving. It's because my milk really hadn't fully come in yet and so he wasnt getting as much as he needed so he just stopped sucking and trying for more. I really am tired of people saying breastfeeding comes naturally, that's a load of crap. Yeah your milk and everything might come but it's really up to the baby half of the time if they even want to work with you. So we were given formula and he chugged it down. It hurt my heart that in a way I was starving my child, but you can never see how much they are getting from your breast besides from wet/dirty diapers.
Oh and I noticed that my feet had started to swell, I never had that when pregnant so that was a new thing.

Thursday we finally had some poopy diapers which is a good sign! We just kind of went about our day (i'm not sure what we all did). I'm assuming nothing super exciting happened

Friday we went back to the Pediatritan to report how he was doing. He weighed about 7 lbs 4 oz, so almost back to his birth weight. This appointment he didn't cry AT ALL, unlike the last appointment. They kept saying I keep thinking you brought the wrong baby lol Later Stephanie, Jessica, Jade, & J came out after there trip to Union Station. Spencer told me to get out of the house and go do something though. So I went to Sweet pea to find newborn shorts but I couldn't find ANY there or at DI, I just don't understand why its so difficult to find those. Then also went to Wal-Mart to get a few other things. I sang along to my Demi CD while driving, that was so nice and weird because I actually had enough air to sing and nothing in my tummy lol
We later took a walk to the church, and Isaac slept like a baby except for when we hit bumps. We gave him a little bath and he sure doesn't like them, I can't wait until he likes them.

Saturday I never realized how hard it would be to have other's hold him. Just because being his mom I know how to stop him from crying or how best to burp him and things like that. But I don't want to take him from other's just because they aren't doing what I would like them to be doing. So that's been a little bit of a challenge but I'm doing my best to accept people that come over and hold him. There have been a few people that have come over but my days mix together so I'm not sure when all of these things happen. But I know this day we went out to Salt Lake to pack some more things from our old place to move here. We stopped to visit Acacia and she just fell in love with him. He does so good in the car/ car seat but he sure can get hot. The trip just WORE him out so he ended up not sleeping very well that night.

Sunday we decided to stay home from church and have more time together with Isaac before the week where Spencer would be back to work. I've lost about 11 lbs or so but i feel more yuck now with how I look then how I did when I was pregnant. So i'm just waiting the 6 weeks until I can do more then just walk around. We took another walk around the block for a little bit.

Monday he is a week old, time sure flies. He does make lots of faces here and there that make us laugh. He also has those moments where he just lays there with his eyes wide open just staring in to space with a stone face. It's so adorable. Spencer went back to work and I hated to say goodbye because he has been such a help that I hated to lose his help. Isaac's Umbilical Cord fell off, yes!! Later he had an explosion and I got poop juice on me. And I started getting some painful cramping but that's my uterus still shrinking back to it's normal size. My friend Kaylee came over to visit, it was nice to see her.
We were so glad when daddy came home!

Tuesday my friend Katie came over and we had a good visit. Then later I went to talk to a lacation person. She goes oh he will be easy just use this nipple shield and put some milk in it to get him sucking and then he will get it from you. Yeah easier said then done lady especially when i'm the one that has to deal with the crying baby trying to get him to eat. I have help but not through out EVERY time I have to feed him. But i'm tired of pumping, and I know breastfeeding is important it's something I want to do and I can probably do it but i'm at my last thread that I just don't have the energy to do it. So right now i'm weighing the pros and cons because I can choose what I want. I just would like to go to a hotel and sleep and do whatever I want for one WHOLE day to get my energy back. Later we gave him another bath and he just screamed and screamed, he peed ALL over me and later pucked up all over me. The joys of motherhood. My feet are back to normal though =]

Wednesday I have a dentsit appointment later because of a wound I have in my mouth that keeps bleeding. I've not been doing so well on keeping up with eating lately and he has been harder to burp then usual. Good thing he is cute. Today I plan to maybe go out this evening by myself, I just hate leaving even if it makes me feel better. There are somedays we accomplish things and others we don't get much at all done. We've hit and miss with cloth diapers at the moment. He seems to keep peeing through them, so we are working out those kinks but use disposable here and there. Sometimes I feel like everything I planned to do; my birthing plan, breastfeeding, and cloth diaparing has not been working out how I wanted. Also trying to get him circumsised has been harder then it should be, it should of already been done by down. ah!

The littlest things irritate me, I cry more then I ever did when I was pregnant, I've had lots of blessings because there were things that have come up that made daily things more difficult then I had imagined. And I won't go into those things because they aren't important. But yeah like I said I really have to hold back on wanting to yell sometimes at certain things or people and I feel terrible about that. And I have the normal times when I feel like a terrible mother, just like most people have experienced, it's normal. And of course it's over little things that are stupid and of course it probably doesn't help on those days that I don't get a lot of sleep. But there are those little moments or little faces he makes that make some things more bearable.
Once again please don't leave comments giving me encouragment because it's not something I want to hear right not. I will get through things with my husbands help or with my own decisions.
Let me end with some pictures that will make the post a little brighter.
6 days until our 2nd year Anniversary

look at that face

he loves looking at the light that comes through the bathroom window

 

Isaac's Birth Story

Now most of you know that I was planning on a Hypnobirthing experience. My birth plan did not go the way I planned but I already knew from the beginning that things were going to come up and in the end I am okay with how it had to play out. This doesn't mean that I think Hypnobirthing doesn't work because one I wasn't good at doing everything I should of to practice and two things just come up and you never know how it all is going to go.
I meant to write this earlier but now I have a newborn baby and time just slips away from you so lets hope I don't forget most of this story.
Around Sunday, June 2nd at midnight I started getting contractions. Nothing too serious and nothing super consistent to call my doctor over. So I stayed up and then would try to sleep through them but on occasion one would be bad that I just had to take some deep breathes. Around 4am I decided to wake Spencer up and let him know what was going on. He decided he wanted to get up and get everything ready just in case everything became more consistent and we needed to leave. We sat around and watched some shows on TV and I ate a little here and there. Then I around 630 I decided to call my doctor and we headed out to the hospital around 7am. They checked me out and I was only 80% effaced and 1 1/2 dilated so they had me walk around for an hour and would check everything else out again. So we strolled the halls and after the hour the contractions were getting closer and closer together and things were starting to hurt. They checked baby and all was going well so they wanted me to walk another hour. About half way through that I just was starting to give up on walking because I was having to stop so often and it was very uncomfortable. Then they checked me and said you are now 2 dilated but that's still not what we want to see you at. My doctor came in and wanted me to walk more but I said I just can't it hurts too much. But because I wasn't making progress he was saying it could be a day or two more before he comes so he was going to send me home. I was so close to wanting to punch him because I was in pain and I wanted that medicine that I could get through this. All the nurses were trying to convince him to let me stay because they knew what my situation felt like. But Spencer went to get pain medicine for me (I always forget the name of it) and my mom took me home.
Once I got home things just got worse. It was around 1 now and I was getting a contraction every minute that lasted for about a minute and then in between I had the shakes SO bad! Spencer finally arrived with food and I tried to eat it fast so that I could take the medicine and it could kick in. Once it finally kicked in the shakes weren't as bad but I could still feel the contraction pains. My doctor told me to rest so I tried lying down but it still just wasn't relaxing me. So we called the doctor and said we are coming back.
Once we arrived back all the nurses were like we are so sorry he sent you away and were hoping you would come back soon. By now it's about 2 or 3pm. I FINALLY get admited and then put my gown back on (with everything they needed to do I wasn't able to wear the one I made) They hooked me up to fluids and put monitors on me. About an hour later the anistesialogist came to give me my epidural. Giving you the epidural is more painful then you would think, jeez! So my legs were numb but I could still feel them, once it kicked in the contractions were nothing! I still had the uncontrollable shakes but I couldn't help it. lol I felt like I was having seizures though it was intense sometimes.
So we all just relaxed and waiting for things to progress and very slowly they did. But not fast enough so the doctor said how about we give you some patocin to speed things along. That helped a little and then later they ended up needing to break my water (if my water had broken soon Isaac would of been here a lot faster) Once my water was broken I dilated 3 cm in about an hour or more. Around 11:45 we decided to do some pushing. My mom held one leg and Spencer held the other. The pushing wasn't too big of a deal because I couldn't feel anything but I felt enough to know I was pushing towards the right area. The doctor said Spencer could look at the top of the head so he did but that probably wasn't a great idea. He had to leave to take a break from it and I totally understand, I wasn't going to look down there either! But he was such a great partner through all of this.
About 40 minutes later cute little Isaac was here! I thought I would cry a little but MAN did I cry like a baby, this baby came out of me and Spencer and I made him. The first thing I said was he looks like me, his face fits with almost exactly how mine did when I was a baby. He was just so perfect in my eyes and that love just poured out of me.
He came out all pink, no cone head, and his cry was quiet since I had them leave the umbilical cord attached until it had stopped pulsing. Which is a prety cool experience to leave the cord attached. Then a little later the placenta came out, Spencer kind of saw that and he said it looked so weird, almost like a brain. lol
They took and measured him and did a few tests and my mom noticed that he has my webbed toes which is totally cool while my doctor stitched me up =[ I just barely got a 3rd degree tear. My first set of stitches.... I just try not to think about it because it's weird to think i'm all stitched together down there, ugh.

Isaac Charles Peacock
Monday, June 3rd 2013 @ 12:23am
7 lbs 8 oz 20 inches

My mom got to hold him a little bit then had to leave to head back to Tooele. Then after a little bit they got me in a wheelchair and took us to our room. It was very tiny but we fit in. I had a few nurses on and off. There were some that were okay, now the aftermath is not the best part. I couldn't feel if I had to go potty or not and I couldn't feel my legs. I felt so helpless.
I tried breastfeeding and that took some help and sometimes we got it to work and sometimes we didn't. And they give you ice for down there and that sure makes everything better, I suggest using ice as long as possible especially in the first 24 hours. I bleed for a little while but by the time we left (a little over 24 hours) I wasn't bleeding too much but there will always be some until i'm completely healed.

Let's just say we certainly didn't sleep very much especially these past couple nights but it's so worth it in the long run.
More then anything I would love to express the love I have for my husband, Spencer. He has been SUCH a rock for me and so helpful. I never would have known how amazing he would be in all of this. He helps me with breastfeeding when things aren't going well (right now pumping because he won't attach anymore but that's for another time), he was there to hold Isaac when all he would do is scream and I just couldn't handle it. One of the sweetest things is the love he has for Isaac and whenever he burps, makes a messy diaper, eats, or even cries Spencer is always there giving him positive feedback even if Isaac has no idea what he is talking about. I always here him say "your doing a great job, way to go Isaac".
It's just the sweetest thing and you end up loving your husband even more then you already did.

Now we did have a scare once at the hospital and Isaac started to choke really bad and the nurse was luckily there and took him to the nursery RIGHT away but she didn't tell us what was happening fully before she left. I just started crying, I just gave birth to him less than maybe 12 hours ago and something could be happening to him right now. It was the most terrifying experience and shows you how much love a mother has for her children. Thankfully all was fine, he had choked on amniotic fluid that was stuck in his lungs and so he was a little purple and blue. I couldn't hold him when they brought him back because I was just so upset and couldn't stop crying. Eventually I did I was just so terrfied it would happen again and I wouldn't know what to do. And it did again a little later but not as bad and once again Spencer took action and got it all under control. But ahh a mother can only take so much.

We finally left the hospital Tuesday around 12 to head to our home (my parents basement for now) in Tooele.

I can blog a little bit more later about life with having a baby but for now I can say little things like it's tiring but when you look at his face it just melts your heart. You just want to do anything you can to make them happy. A lot of things have happened since we've brought him home, some good, some bad but I will blog about those a little later on when I get a chance.

For now we are all doing fairly well and slowly adjusting to one another. I will post a few pictures below =]

Isaac's first picture =]

Look it how CUTE he is =] Chubby

In the carseat on our way to Tooele, he actually fit in it quite nicely