There are these times for whatever reason I am in this sort of trap. That's the name I've given this thing. It's like I'm trapped in my own little bubble of emotions. That no matter what I say or do I'm just kind of stuck in this trap for a little while.
I over think a lot of things it's just my personality I guess. So almost everything that is done or said or a thought is analyzed in my mind weather said or done by me or someone else. I have this battle in my head over every thing that I did or thought of doing or saying.
Sounds exhausting doesn't it? It is. Lol
I may think one thing one day and next month I've changed my mind. I'm such a girl!
Journaling has saved my life in a few ways. I don't go out and talk to a bunch of people especially now that I've become a stay at home mom so journaling has allowed me to kind of write out my thoughts and feelings that are bouncing around in my head. Maybe someday I will write a story about all the crazy things that happen but for now they are just random thoughts.
As I am sitting here writing this I realize I probably sound like a crazy lady!
Back to this whole trapped thing. It's like you want to say everything to someone about everything you have ever done, said, or felt and that might feel great in the moment but then later you realize maybe it's best to just keep it all inside or written down on paper. But once those things are out (because you've been dying to spill it all) you realize in the end it doesn't solve much of anything. That something's are just better kept inside your head. Then your stuck, trapped in your thoughts over thinking and over analyzing everything all over again for the 100th time.
I have a few theories of why this "trap" happens and they all seem pretty ridiculous but for some reason it happens and someday I will figure it out and break it. It's not like it happens often maybe once or twice a year at different times.
When it's over it's over I move on and I don't look back. What's the point of dwelling on the past right? Except I do it almost constantly and I think or actually I've come to realize that it's a lot harder to forgive yourself. It's really easy to beat yourself up over every little thing. I read something a few days ago that said "be your own best friend" treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. I understand what it is saying but I have still yet to figure out how to apply that to myself.
Applying things to your life is a lot easier said then done. I've read lots of things that I find amazing and so true but have yet to take those big steps to change. It's easy to stay in your "comfort" zone and go about your every day life doing almost the same old thing every day. A child sure can throw that for a loop though, they never really let you be "lazy" or "boring" they keep you on your toes. One day I looked up an realized a wave called "life" picked me up and all of a sudden I'm married with a child not sure when that all happened. Some days it just hits you. Life moves really fast so you need to pause and take a good look around and appreciate what you have and see what you should change.
At the moment Isaac is just throwing my emotions all over the place.
Now don't over think this post. I really had a thought and just started typing and it kind of just went all over. Maybe one day this will be a start for a poem or a story down the line.
Well I guess I should try to get some sleep while Isaac is asleep but I'm sure once I fall asleep he will wake up again. Story of my life some days :S
Either way it was nice to get some random writing in. Make sure to do something spontaneous every now and then To keep life fun and interesting it will probably help you live longer. I'm sure I worry enough for everyone in the world somedays. Lol
