Tuesday we had another little scare about him doing this choking so made an appointment with his peditritian sooner than later. This was the first night we were REALLY taking care of Isaac.... the worst night of my life. He cried and he cried, and it was mainly because he was hungry but he wasn't eating from me so I really couldn't do much about it. But once again i'm not sure how anyone can raise a baby without a spouse or parents because it is emotionally & physically the hardest thing i've ever done and I have help. I will admit I cried like a baby that first night, as a first time mom you sure feel like every time they cry you failed at something. But really they are crying becasue thats the only way they know how to tell you that something is wrong, so it takes time to get to know each cry.
Wednesday we got ready and went to Dawn Powell our pediatritan, I chose her kind of at random and MAN she is amazing, I couldn't of picked anyone better. He measured about 6 lbs 13 oz but not too extreme and she said he is starving. It's because my milk really hadn't fully come in yet and so he wasnt getting as much as he needed so he just stopped sucking and trying for more. I really am tired of people saying breastfeeding comes naturally, that's a load of crap. Yeah your milk and everything might come but it's really up to the baby half of the time if they even want to work with you. So we were given formula and he chugged it down. It hurt my heart that in a way I was starving my child, but you can never see how much they are getting from your breast besides from wet/dirty diapers.
Oh and I noticed that my feet had started to swell, I never had that when pregnant so that was a new thing.
Thursday we finally had some poopy diapers which is a good sign! We just kind of went about our day (i'm not sure what we all did). I'm assuming nothing super exciting happened
Friday we went back to the Pediatritan to report how he was doing. He weighed about 7 lbs 4 oz, so almost back to his birth weight. This appointment he didn't cry AT ALL, unlike the last appointment. They kept saying I keep thinking you brought the wrong baby lol Later Stephanie, Jessica, Jade, & J came out after there trip to Union Station. Spencer told me to get out of the house and go do something though. So I went to Sweet pea to find newborn shorts but I couldn't find ANY there or at DI, I just don't understand why its so difficult to find those. Then also went to Wal-Mart to get a few other things. I sang along to my Demi CD while driving, that was so nice and weird because I actually had enough air to sing and nothing in my tummy lol
We later took a walk to the church, and Isaac slept like a baby except for when we hit bumps. We gave him a little bath and he sure doesn't like them, I can't wait until he likes them.
Saturday I never realized how hard it would be to have other's hold him. Just because being his mom I know how to stop him from crying or how best to burp him and things like that. But I don't want to take him from other's just because they aren't doing what I would like them to be doing. So that's been a little bit of a challenge but I'm doing my best to accept people that come over and hold him. There have been a few people that have come over but my days mix together so I'm not sure when all of these things happen. But I know this day we went out to Salt Lake to pack some more things from our old place to move here. We stopped to visit Acacia and she just fell in love with him. He does so good in the car/ car seat but he sure can get hot. The trip just WORE him out so he ended up not sleeping very well that night.
Sunday we decided to stay home from church and have more time together with Isaac before the week where Spencer would be back to work. I've lost about 11 lbs or so but i feel more yuck now with how I look then how I did when I was pregnant. So i'm just waiting the 6 weeks until I can do more then just walk around. We took another walk around the block for a little bit.
Monday he is a week old, time sure flies. He does make lots of faces here and there that make us laugh. He also has those moments where he just lays there with his eyes wide open just staring in to space with a stone face. It's so adorable. Spencer went back to work and I hated to say goodbye because he has been such a help that I hated to lose his help. Isaac's Umbilical Cord fell off, yes!! Later he had an explosion and I got poop juice on me. And I started getting some painful cramping but that's my uterus still shrinking back to it's normal size. My friend Kaylee came over to visit, it was nice to see her.
We were so glad when daddy came home!
Tuesday my friend Katie came over and we had a good visit. Then later I went to talk to a lacation person. She goes oh he will be easy just use this nipple shield and put some milk in it to get him sucking and then he will get it from you. Yeah easier said then done lady especially when i'm the one that has to deal with the crying baby trying to get him to eat. I have help but not through out EVERY time I have to feed him. But i'm tired of pumping, and I know breastfeeding is important it's something I want to do and I can probably do it but i'm at my last thread that I just don't have the energy to do it. So right now i'm weighing the pros and cons because I can choose what I want. I just would like to go to a hotel and sleep and do whatever I want for one WHOLE day to get my energy back. Later we gave him another bath and he just screamed and screamed, he peed ALL over me and later pucked up all over me. The joys of motherhood. My feet are back to normal though =]
Wednesday I have a dentsit appointment later because of a wound I have in my mouth that keeps bleeding. I've not been doing so well on keeping up with eating lately and he has been harder to burp then usual. Good thing he is cute. Today I plan to maybe go out this evening by myself, I just hate leaving even if it makes me feel better. There are somedays we accomplish things and others we don't get much at all done. We've hit and miss with cloth diapers at the moment. He seems to keep peeing through them, so we are working out those kinks but use disposable here and there. Sometimes I feel like everything I planned to do; my birthing plan, breastfeeding, and cloth diaparing has not been working out how I wanted. Also trying to get him circumsised has been harder then it should be, it should of already been done by down. ah!
The littlest things irritate me, I cry more then I ever did when I was pregnant, I've had lots of blessings because there were things that have come up that made daily things more difficult then I had imagined. And I won't go into those things because they aren't important. But yeah like I said I really have to hold back on wanting to yell sometimes at certain things or people and I feel terrible about that. And I have the normal times when I feel like a terrible mother, just like most people have experienced, it's normal. And of course it's over little things that are stupid and of course it probably doesn't help on those days that I don't get a lot of sleep. But there are those little moments or little faces he makes that make some things more bearable.
Once again please don't leave comments giving me encouragment because it's not something I want to hear right not. I will get through things with my husbands help or with my own decisions.
Let me end with some pictures that will make the post a little brighter.
6 days until our 2nd year Anniversary
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| look at that face |
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| he loves looking at the light that comes through the bathroom window |
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