Let's talk about superhero's! =]
We've been watching the show The Flash (if you haven't seen it, its pretty good). Basically he gets fast speed after getting struck by lightning.
But what I found cool was every so often he has to defeat something like a evil person. And they have to figure out how to beat them. And sometimes they might say you need to do this or that. And Flash will say I can't do that. But he always ends up practicing and learning something new. In the end they almost always defeat the bad guys.
I started relating ourselves to Superhero's. We may not have super speed, super strength, Spider powers etc but we are born with gifts but we have to work on them. And not be afraid and know we can do anything we practice and try hard on.
And we also have bad guys sometimes we need to defeat and some of those bad guys are just bad thoughts in our heads. Maybe thinking we aren't good enough or smart enough to do things.
I will list a few examples for me:
Photography, loved it and always have. I've taken classes but I always seem to fail at perfecting things. But it's because I don't practice enough to get good at the technique. I luck out and sometimes still get good pictures but I've given up.
Singing, love singing and i'm fairly good at it. But between stage fright and little practice my voice is already changing. I've just never practice and thought I wasn't good enough.
Writing a book, always felt like I should write a book fiction or non fiction i'm not sure but obviously if your reading my blogs you will see i'm terrible at punctuation and sometimes I use the wrong (their, there, and they're) lol I could study and practice this but I think its too hard and so I give up.
I'm still working on fighting those "you aren't good enough" voices in my head =]
We are all Superhero's if we put our mind to things!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Monday, February 15, 2016
Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?
I think things happen for a reason. There are times when maybe a scripture hits us now verses last time we read it. Or bad things happen to us but they happen so that later we appreciate things even more. It starts then a chain effect that changes our lives depending on what we do what we get that impression or that advice etc.
Let's start off first with Joseph Smith and the passage he came across. James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."
In his words he says "Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did......."At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God."
I believe Joseph was ready at that time to feel what he felt with that scripture by feeling that it led him to kneel in prayer to God and ask the question that had been bothering him about what church was the right church to join. This led to an experience that changed his live and our lives forever! The powerful experience he had and how powerful God is. He wants the best for us and will be there to guide us when we feel lost and alone.
He was ready in that moment and he had to make a decision, because we have our agency to chose to change things and believe what we hear and see or not.
This brings me to how lately I've been not just reading the scriptures but learning to study them. To ponder and ask questions that I might better understand the things I read. I also start off with a prayer that Spirit will help me to understand the things I am reading and learn.
I've been feeling the Spirit as I read but last night I ran across a story I had vaguely remembered but what brought across how things happen to us but if they hadn't happened to us we wouldn't of made the choices we did after the suffer we might have gone through.
I know I've talked about this before but I will be relating to my ear infection incident.
I was reading in Acts Chapter 9 about a man Saul who was "yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord." One day he was journeying to Damascus and "suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven. And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutes thou me?"
What an experience! A bright light coming out of no where and hearing the voice of Jesus Christ telling you to "Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do." Once the light was gone he found that it had blinded him but he did what he was told. He was blind for 3 days but he waited like the Lord had told him until a man named Ananias to heal his sight.
(On a side note when the Lord is telling Ananias to go see that man, Ananias, at first was confused because he knew Saul had done lots of evil but the Lord said "He is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel."
Once Sauls sight was restored He arose, got baptized, ate, and straightway preached Christ in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God." Saul had completely changed and by that change the bad people that followed him noticed and he was able to help save and bring people to Christ.
It just goes back to my ear I felt so broken and not myself and was feeling sick a lot and when I felt I was at a breaking point my ears were coming back to normal. And I knew what I was at that breaking point that once I was better I was changing my ways. I was going to strengthen my body and care for it the best I could. I had failed so many times at attempting to be healthier.
But having that feeling of being broken I knew I didn't want to feel that anymore and I fought so much harder at taken care of my body once I was back to normal.
I was ready to care about myself.
That change for me led to meeting new people and led to experiences of sharing the Gospel with people I had never done before which in return led to me studying the Gospel more then I had ever done before which leads me to where I am now and feeling The Holy Ghost daily in my life and becoming a happier person.
Lastly I will say that we still have the agency of making that change or not. I could of still choice not to become healthier and stronger, it would of been very easy to fall back into my comfort zone and not break my habits. I'm very grateful for the choice I made and where it has led me. It also is the same reason i'm grateful we moved to Oregon, it was hard and I could of said no and stayed in the great life we had but I wouldn't be the person I am today if we had stayed in my comfort zone.
Let's start off first with Joseph Smith and the passage he came across. James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."
In his words he says "Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did......."At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God."
I believe Joseph was ready at that time to feel what he felt with that scripture by feeling that it led him to kneel in prayer to God and ask the question that had been bothering him about what church was the right church to join. This led to an experience that changed his live and our lives forever! The powerful experience he had and how powerful God is. He wants the best for us and will be there to guide us when we feel lost and alone.
He was ready in that moment and he had to make a decision, because we have our agency to chose to change things and believe what we hear and see or not.
This brings me to how lately I've been not just reading the scriptures but learning to study them. To ponder and ask questions that I might better understand the things I read. I also start off with a prayer that Spirit will help me to understand the things I am reading and learn.
I've been feeling the Spirit as I read but last night I ran across a story I had vaguely remembered but what brought across how things happen to us but if they hadn't happened to us we wouldn't of made the choices we did after the suffer we might have gone through.
I know I've talked about this before but I will be relating to my ear infection incident.
I was reading in Acts Chapter 9 about a man Saul who was "yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord." One day he was journeying to Damascus and "suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven. And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutes thou me?"
What an experience! A bright light coming out of no where and hearing the voice of Jesus Christ telling you to "Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do." Once the light was gone he found that it had blinded him but he did what he was told. He was blind for 3 days but he waited like the Lord had told him until a man named Ananias to heal his sight.
(On a side note when the Lord is telling Ananias to go see that man, Ananias, at first was confused because he knew Saul had done lots of evil but the Lord said "He is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel."
Once Sauls sight was restored He arose, got baptized, ate, and straightway preached Christ in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God." Saul had completely changed and by that change the bad people that followed him noticed and he was able to help save and bring people to Christ.
It just goes back to my ear I felt so broken and not myself and was feeling sick a lot and when I felt I was at a breaking point my ears were coming back to normal. And I knew what I was at that breaking point that once I was better I was changing my ways. I was going to strengthen my body and care for it the best I could. I had failed so many times at attempting to be healthier.
But having that feeling of being broken I knew I didn't want to feel that anymore and I fought so much harder at taken care of my body once I was back to normal.
I was ready to care about myself.
That change for me led to meeting new people and led to experiences of sharing the Gospel with people I had never done before which in return led to me studying the Gospel more then I had ever done before which leads me to where I am now and feeling The Holy Ghost daily in my life and becoming a happier person.
Lastly I will say that we still have the agency of making that change or not. I could of still choice not to become healthier and stronger, it would of been very easy to fall back into my comfort zone and not break my habits. I'm very grateful for the choice I made and where it has led me. It also is the same reason i'm grateful we moved to Oregon, it was hard and I could of said no and stayed in the great life we had but I wouldn't be the person I am today if we had stayed in my comfort zone.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Life is Worth Living
It's almost been SIX months since we moved to Oregon. I'm so glad we got the promoting to move here and that we followed through with it. It's been the best thing we've ever done.
I have changed so much since we've moved here, for the better of course.
I'm sad it took so long to become the person I'm working on but it's so worth it.
I've had plenty of bumps and bruises along the way, figuratively and not figuratively lol
Oddly enough the song "life is worth living" by Justin bieber comes to mind.
I may get frustrated over things that seem so little to outsiders but for whatever reason they can turn my day upside down and I might have a break down and honestly during some of those days I don't want to feel that way anymore. Life seems so hard during those moments. Not that I want to end my life necessarily but that I don't think I will survive that day.
But oddly enough the next day always seems just a little bit better.
"Life is worth living, so live another day"
You'll always have those rough days but they almost always go away so don't judge your life by those days.
I've recently realized though that through those rough days is how I've come to the amazing decisions I have made in life. That are making me a better person.
From crying so much from sickness pain to now rejoicing in the pain from my body getting stronger daily.
From not knowing the gospel as well as I thought I did to now diving every day into the scriptures to grow closer to my Heavenly Father that now daily I feel the spirit filling my life with joy and happiness.
From tough, long days with the boys without Spencer to loving and appreciating him even more.
Wanting to go outside and explore the outdoors more then ever before because I want to make memories with my boys that someday they will thank me for.
And being in control of my emotions and not letting what other people say or do or don't say or don't do change my mood.
My love for everyone has grown
Tomorrow is always a new day!
I have changed so much since we've moved here, for the better of course.
I'm sad it took so long to become the person I'm working on but it's so worth it.
I've had plenty of bumps and bruises along the way, figuratively and not figuratively lol
Oddly enough the song "life is worth living" by Justin bieber comes to mind.
I may get frustrated over things that seem so little to outsiders but for whatever reason they can turn my day upside down and I might have a break down and honestly during some of those days I don't want to feel that way anymore. Life seems so hard during those moments. Not that I want to end my life necessarily but that I don't think I will survive that day.
But oddly enough the next day always seems just a little bit better.
"Life is worth living, so live another day"
You'll always have those rough days but they almost always go away so don't judge your life by those days.
I've recently realized though that through those rough days is how I've come to the amazing decisions I have made in life. That are making me a better person.
From crying so much from sickness pain to now rejoicing in the pain from my body getting stronger daily.
From not knowing the gospel as well as I thought I did to now diving every day into the scriptures to grow closer to my Heavenly Father that now daily I feel the spirit filling my life with joy and happiness.
From tough, long days with the boys without Spencer to loving and appreciating him even more.
Wanting to go outside and explore the outdoors more then ever before because I want to make memories with my boys that someday they will thank me for.
And being in control of my emotions and not letting what other people say or do or don't say or don't do change my mood.
My love for everyone has grown
Tomorrow is always a new day!
Monday, February 1, 2016
Highly Sensitive Person
I remember in 4th or 5th grade in choir people wrote words for each person in the class. And later that year you got a certificate or something with all the words to describe you on it.
One word on my list was sensitive, and I was so upset by that word. I took it as people thinking I was weak and an emotional person. Reacting like that pretty much shows how true it was lol
I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I may not have all the signs but a good amount of them to be considered a Sensitive Person.
I thought I would list a few things that fit me.
1. They feel more deeply. "They're very intuitive, and go very deep inside to try to figure things out."
2. They're more emotionally reactive. "They will have more empathy and feel more concern for a friend's problems."
3. They prefer to exercise solo "May tend to avoid team sports, where there's a sense that everyone is watching their every move" (In some cases working out by myself in a room is better but I also like groups too because of the support they give and makes you work harder)
4. It takes longer for them to make decisions and are more upset if they make a "bad" or "wrong" decision. (Now its hard but I quickly decide things and then later I will sometimes regret to choice I made)
5. They're extremely detail-oriented. "They are the first to notice the details in a room, the new shoes that you're wearing, or a change in weather" (now I do notice when something is new or off but not always)
6. 70% of HSP are introverts. I am an introvert
7. They work well in team environments. "Because they are such deep thinkers, they make valuable workers and members of teams. However, they may be well-suited for positions in teams where they don't have to make the final decision."
8. They're more prone to anxiety or depression. (Not all the time but I have my moments of both)
9. That annoying sound is probably significantly more annoying to a highly sensitive person. "They tend to be more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by too much activity" (it really depends on the annoying noise and who i'm around)
10. Violent movies are the worst "Because highly sensitive people are so high in empathy and more easily overstimulated, movies with violence or horror themes may not be their cup of tea." (haha this is funny because Spencer was recently watching a semi violent movie and its probably not that bad but I just didn't care and couldn't really watch and I've always been that way)
11. They cry more easily. "I do even more since I've become married and had children but I don't cry in front of people haha i'm not that kind of a crier but I do cry)
12. They have above-average manners. "They're more likely to be considerate an exhibit good manners-- and are also more likely to notice when someone else isn't being conscientious. They don't want to be rude and have something of theirs blocking someone else in a store" (YES! so me! especially in public places lol)
13. The effects of criticism are especially amplified. " People pleasing! People can say something negative, and a non HSP can say "whatever", and it doesn't affect them, but a HSP would feel it much more deeply" (I recall a situation when someone said whatever to me and I took it hard but it was ridiculous thinking about it now. but yes I will get a criticism of maybe clean this way or do this a certain way and I will feel like a failure or stupid because I was doing it a wrong way or a different way then I should of been doing and think their upset with me. I HATE this one!)
14. cubicles= good, open office plans = bad. "HSP enjoy working from home or being self-employed because they can control the stimuli in their work environments. Or a cubicle with more privacy and less noise
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html
"Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest, and true. The simple things sometimes mean the most to them. They don't need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are." -Kristen Butler
^ That makes me feel a little better about being sensitive. I may never love being sensitive. WRiting this list made me feel weird and different like i'm some special person that needs taken care of.
I do love and care for people strongly and not always the way they might like being loved or cared for but its their in my heart. And I never want to offend or hurt them.
It says we like being alone mostly but I LOVE my one on one with friends and its something I need to get by through hard days, weeks, or months. Being away from friends I used to hang out with makes it harder to get together easily with other people. But i'm glad I have people to get together with eventually. I'd write more but I would probably seem even more weird so we will just leave it like this. =] (Side note, just because you may not be an HSP doesn't mean you have to walk on egg shells around me, I've been through a lot and i'm used to reacting how I always do. it shouldn't effect how you treat me. it might make it easier but its never fair for someone to change who they are because they are around someone different)
Now you have a little more insight into me....scary!!!
One word on my list was sensitive, and I was so upset by that word. I took it as people thinking I was weak and an emotional person. Reacting like that pretty much shows how true it was lol
I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I may not have all the signs but a good amount of them to be considered a Sensitive Person.
I thought I would list a few things that fit me.
1. They feel more deeply. "They're very intuitive, and go very deep inside to try to figure things out."
2. They're more emotionally reactive. "They will have more empathy and feel more concern for a friend's problems."
3. They prefer to exercise solo "May tend to avoid team sports, where there's a sense that everyone is watching their every move" (In some cases working out by myself in a room is better but I also like groups too because of the support they give and makes you work harder)
4. It takes longer for them to make decisions and are more upset if they make a "bad" or "wrong" decision. (Now its hard but I quickly decide things and then later I will sometimes regret to choice I made)
5. They're extremely detail-oriented. "They are the first to notice the details in a room, the new shoes that you're wearing, or a change in weather" (now I do notice when something is new or off but not always)
6. 70% of HSP are introverts. I am an introvert
7. They work well in team environments. "Because they are such deep thinkers, they make valuable workers and members of teams. However, they may be well-suited for positions in teams where they don't have to make the final decision."
8. They're more prone to anxiety or depression. (Not all the time but I have my moments of both)
9. That annoying sound is probably significantly more annoying to a highly sensitive person. "They tend to be more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by too much activity" (it really depends on the annoying noise and who i'm around)
10. Violent movies are the worst "Because highly sensitive people are so high in empathy and more easily overstimulated, movies with violence or horror themes may not be their cup of tea." (haha this is funny because Spencer was recently watching a semi violent movie and its probably not that bad but I just didn't care and couldn't really watch and I've always been that way)
11. They cry more easily. "I do even more since I've become married and had children but I don't cry in front of people haha i'm not that kind of a crier but I do cry)
12. They have above-average manners. "They're more likely to be considerate an exhibit good manners-- and are also more likely to notice when someone else isn't being conscientious. They don't want to be rude and have something of theirs blocking someone else in a store" (YES! so me! especially in public places lol)
13. The effects of criticism are especially amplified. " People pleasing! People can say something negative, and a non HSP can say "whatever", and it doesn't affect them, but a HSP would feel it much more deeply" (I recall a situation when someone said whatever to me and I took it hard but it was ridiculous thinking about it now. but yes I will get a criticism of maybe clean this way or do this a certain way and I will feel like a failure or stupid because I was doing it a wrong way or a different way then I should of been doing and think their upset with me. I HATE this one!)
14. cubicles= good, open office plans = bad. "HSP enjoy working from home or being self-employed because they can control the stimuli in their work environments. Or a cubicle with more privacy and less noise
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html
"Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest, and true. The simple things sometimes mean the most to them. They don't need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are." -Kristen Butler
^ That makes me feel a little better about being sensitive. I may never love being sensitive. WRiting this list made me feel weird and different like i'm some special person that needs taken care of.
I do love and care for people strongly and not always the way they might like being loved or cared for but its their in my heart. And I never want to offend or hurt them.
It says we like being alone mostly but I LOVE my one on one with friends and its something I need to get by through hard days, weeks, or months. Being away from friends I used to hang out with makes it harder to get together easily with other people. But i'm glad I have people to get together with eventually. I'd write more but I would probably seem even more weird so we will just leave it like this. =] (Side note, just because you may not be an HSP doesn't mean you have to walk on egg shells around me, I've been through a lot and i'm used to reacting how I always do. it shouldn't effect how you treat me. it might make it easier but its never fair for someone to change who they are because they are around someone different)
Now you have a little more insight into me....scary!!!
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
The change
A little while ago I realized that those of my friends without kids always loved their friends kids or nieces/nephews etc... and were so excited to do fun crazy things with them. I used to be like that with my nephew
It's like once you become a parent your priority is to keep your children alive and so the fun part lacks. Not that you cant have fun with your kids but i'm tired from focusing on making sure they are safe.
Some days I have a burst of fun but its exhausting keeping kids alive haha That's no excuse though.
Part of why I starting working out more is to get more energy to have fun with my kids.
But man it is so easy to be lazy and just let them play especially when there are two of them and they can play together.
I think I'm going to plan to do at least 30 mins each day of fun crazy playing with them.
I thought I would have more to say about this but that pretty much sums it up =]
It's like once you become a parent your priority is to keep your children alive and so the fun part lacks. Not that you cant have fun with your kids but i'm tired from focusing on making sure they are safe.
Some days I have a burst of fun but its exhausting keeping kids alive haha That's no excuse though.
Part of why I starting working out more is to get more energy to have fun with my kids.
But man it is so easy to be lazy and just let them play especially when there are two of them and they can play together.
I think I'm going to plan to do at least 30 mins each day of fun crazy playing with them.
I thought I would have more to say about this but that pretty much sums it up =]
Friday, January 15, 2016
Motherly Struggle
I have been blessed with pretty calm children. For the most part they listen to me too and are fairly well behaved.
Lately though when I take Isaac anywhere he is doing really well playing. I am a mother that watches them as much as possible but I don't overly hover. But they are young enough that I need to watch them.
I watch them as best as any mother can with having more then 1 child. Isaac is doing well for while and then I look down at Jackson for 5 seconds maybe and look up and Isaac is GONE.
He will just vanish he is small and fast. And even if he was wearing a bright colored shirt I don't see him. One time I didn't even have Jackson with me and still he somehow got by me (I wasn't even looking down at my phone)
My heart drops as I try to find him as fast as possible and pray that in that short time nothing happened to him.
Once I find him its a huge sigh of relief and I try to explain to him in different ways each time that its not okay to leave me without telling me your leaving especially if its to another room or the other side of a huge crowded area.
Every time he cries when I try to explain rights and wrongs of the situation. And I can only do it so well because while doing it i'm also holding on to Jackson so he wont squirm away and vanish too.
He's just at an age that he still doesn't fully grasp that if he leaves he might not find me. Because I've always found him before he realized he doesn't know where I am. He never gets that scared feeling, maybe he needs to feel that to know and understand.
He leaves because he knows there is something better somewhere else or because he just wants to follow "big kids" or he is just done.
It's one of my big nightmares of losing my children, what mother doesn't have that nightmare. There are several living it! And my heart breaks for them.
I will sometimes have moments of how could you lose your children and not notice or whatever. But I watch my children fairly closing and still some how they escape and it reminds me that you don't know anyone's story or situation.
If anything happened I'm sure I would blame myself and go through that whole grieving process but right now I know i'm doing the best I can do for now. And I just have to keep having talks with him until hopefully it sinks in.
I would love more children but every time something like this happens I just think how much harder it would be with more to keep track of them. I mean hopefully Isaac would be better by then and Jackson too but its in my thoughts when deciding the future that's for sure.
It's not fun feeling that way, so scared, worried, and clueless of where your children may have vanished too. And I debt not taking them places without 2 adults but I can't live my life in fear of that everyday and never do things. Him and I will just have to learn what works for us.
I pray every day or night that I can do my best to keep them safe.
If you have advice you can share not that all will work but doesn't hurt to see. Isaac is 2 1/2 and Jackson is 14 months just to realize how much they can understand.
Please be kind too because like I said you may not know how well I keep track of them or don't.
Lately though when I take Isaac anywhere he is doing really well playing. I am a mother that watches them as much as possible but I don't overly hover. But they are young enough that I need to watch them.
I watch them as best as any mother can with having more then 1 child. Isaac is doing well for while and then I look down at Jackson for 5 seconds maybe and look up and Isaac is GONE.
He will just vanish he is small and fast. And even if he was wearing a bright colored shirt I don't see him. One time I didn't even have Jackson with me and still he somehow got by me (I wasn't even looking down at my phone)
My heart drops as I try to find him as fast as possible and pray that in that short time nothing happened to him.
Once I find him its a huge sigh of relief and I try to explain to him in different ways each time that its not okay to leave me without telling me your leaving especially if its to another room or the other side of a huge crowded area.
Every time he cries when I try to explain rights and wrongs of the situation. And I can only do it so well because while doing it i'm also holding on to Jackson so he wont squirm away and vanish too.
He's just at an age that he still doesn't fully grasp that if he leaves he might not find me. Because I've always found him before he realized he doesn't know where I am. He never gets that scared feeling, maybe he needs to feel that to know and understand.
He leaves because he knows there is something better somewhere else or because he just wants to follow "big kids" or he is just done.
It's one of my big nightmares of losing my children, what mother doesn't have that nightmare. There are several living it! And my heart breaks for them.
I will sometimes have moments of how could you lose your children and not notice or whatever. But I watch my children fairly closing and still some how they escape and it reminds me that you don't know anyone's story or situation.
If anything happened I'm sure I would blame myself and go through that whole grieving process but right now I know i'm doing the best I can do for now. And I just have to keep having talks with him until hopefully it sinks in.
I would love more children but every time something like this happens I just think how much harder it would be with more to keep track of them. I mean hopefully Isaac would be better by then and Jackson too but its in my thoughts when deciding the future that's for sure.
It's not fun feeling that way, so scared, worried, and clueless of where your children may have vanished too. And I debt not taking them places without 2 adults but I can't live my life in fear of that everyday and never do things. Him and I will just have to learn what works for us.
I pray every day or night that I can do my best to keep them safe.
If you have advice you can share not that all will work but doesn't hurt to see. Isaac is 2 1/2 and Jackson is 14 months just to realize how much they can understand.
Please be kind too because like I said you may not know how well I keep track of them or don't.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Lets Be Real
Here is an update of my work out, eating and thought process since I started working out a little over two months ago, just a warning I'm going to be fairly honest.
Once you start becoming a healthier person you notice bad habits about yourself. And just because I've become consistent and dedicated to working out every day (with my much needed breaks) does that mean my life is so much better then it was. I am now hit with even more frustrations that apparently I buried in my comfortable lazy way of living.
I do believe that a lot of you, women especially might think or feel these same things but we don't talk about them because we think people are going to think we need some kind of help. We probably all need help lol
I LOVE working out, it really gives you that sense of accomplishment once you get on a routine of completing workouts and noticing your doing better then you were from the beginning: lifting for longer or heavier weights, running longer or at a faster speed, or keeping up with the pace better....
You might even notice your body is actually changing. You've lost weight, you just look different, or clothes are fitting you differently. That feeling is an amazing feeling I've experience a few of these but sadly it doesn't last.
I've realized it's a daily sometimes hourly thing. Battling that "but I'm still not good enough feeling" we probably will never be where we want to be. The world so easily makes us believe we are never good enough even if we are trying as hard as we can.
We compare ourselves to others, not all of us but it happens. We are all physically built so different so we will never be like another person even if we worked really hard for it.
There was a blog I read once about not trying to get back to the body you had before babies because your not going to be the same again. Having a child changes you and you should love and accept the new body you have. I am amazed that our bodies cant carry children and deliver them but it still takes getting used to =] I have a little bit bigger hips then I used it and I feel it throws everything off but its true you should love your new body style then your old one.
I've picked a goal to work towards becoming a teacher for a core class. That's a great goal but each day I still doubt my abilities, not just physically but personality wise. But I read somewhere that (you should try for things out of your comfort zone because you might be surprised at how well you might do that new thing )
So it keeps me thinking that maybe I just might be better then I think
I LOVE and HATE the gym setting :)
You can find awesome support from people you know or barely know. There are some great people out there who want you to achieve your goals or just want to help you be a better you.
But there are also those people who've been going for years and you think I'm never going to look like that or be able to do that. You've really have to not focus on that but it can creep him.
Let's talk sauna/steam room for a moment haha
Love them, their relaxing and just awesome. And you can go in anyway you choose: fully clothed, bathing suit, towel, naked.... doesn't matter. It's a mix of every type and every style of body. And those women that come it naked really don't care what people think of them and are proud of how they look, even if their body type isn't the way the world says it should be.
I would love that confidence. I may have confident days here and there but I don't think I would ever be that confident. And in general it's just uncomfortable to share a room with that but that's just my personality.
Some days I feel like such a small, weak little duckling in the gym setting and some days I feel powerful and strong.
I'm hitting all areas, ive slacked on running a bit but try to get it in 1-2 days a week. I do get cardio in and strength training through classes. And like I said earlier I have noticed changes. I have some pants getting looser and some days I can tell I'm stronger and I've lost maybe 2 pounds since starting my journey.
Here is another flaw that I'm not proud of and I struggle with it daily. I think I've struggled most of my life but until I changed my habits I didn't realize how bad it was. And a lot of people aren't going to really understand this.
You see those shirts that say things like "I run because I love food." Etc.
I hate food.... there are days I won't eat when I'm hungry because it's too much work or makes dishes or if I eat more that means I'm going to have to spend more money on food.
Since I've been working out I'm burning calories so I need to eat more, this is difficult for me. And I started feeling sick on and off for days because I wasn't getting the calories I needed for the new lifestyle I've chosen.
As a mom it's always very easy to forget to eat a meal because your feeding your kids or doing errands. But the sickness was starting to be hard to handle while taking care of kids so I knew I needed to change my ways.
1. I have a calender full of what I should eat so I can prepare ahead of time or not sit trying to figure out what to eat
2. I have alarms that go off every two hours to remind me to eat a snack and or meal. Because time sometimes flies.
So far I haven't been as sick but it isn't easy. Like I said a hate food and now having to eat even more of it is honestly hard for me. Being a picky eater of course limits I food options which can make eating more difficult because i sometimes eat the same things all the time.
Anyways it's a daily struggle in so many areas.
And I can say I do eat healthier then I used to, their is rarely any ice cream or chocolate in the house and I don't even realize it most days.
I also don't wake up as sore as I used to that first month. I wake up in a different kind of sore or that i can tell I worked out but it's manageable to get up in the mornings :)
I'm a bit more active through out the day and want to get out and do things but I still have my lazy setting which is needed here and there! But should use the energy bursts I do get towards cleaning the house better... my next weak area that needs fixing.
I've been reading this book "love is a choice" I wanted it for a marriage type book which is what it's been helpful in but it's also been helpful in loving yourself and other people in general.
There was another quote I saw about how people realize your beauty more then you see your beauty.
We see ourselves all the time and we get lost in all the negative that some times we don't get why people might think we look beautiful. Or we don't deserve those compliments. I think most of us could list more things we didn't like about ourselves then what we like.
In the end I am loving the journey I've decided to take into a healthier and more for lifestyle but it is a daily choice and a long, hard journey with many ups and downs. I am doing great at drinking lots of water =]
I'm thankful for those who do stand by me through it all and hopefully who will always be there for me.
Please don't think i'm crazy for all these things. I just wanted to be honest because maybe there are others who feel this way and feel alone in that. I can change the way I feel and it's a daily thing we work on in this world.
Quotes some times get me through another day or remind me of who I want to become inside and outside.
I plan to take monthly pictures of my progress which occasionally I may post here.
"God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Here's to a year of better habits, positive thinking, clean eating & most of all, loving yourself."
"I'm not beautiful like you, i'm beautiful like me"
"Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful, without needing someone to tell you."
"Love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."
"There's a difference between pretty and beautiful. When someone is pretty, they have a good appearance. But when someone is beautiful, they shine on the inside and out..."
"Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself."
Below is pictures of me probably at my worst. I was not physically fit and I ate terribly. Doesn't mean I didn't love life and have fun =] And I still probably don't look big to other people but thought i'd share. This was Beginning of 2010
Once you start becoming a healthier person you notice bad habits about yourself. And just because I've become consistent and dedicated to working out every day (with my much needed breaks) does that mean my life is so much better then it was. I am now hit with even more frustrations that apparently I buried in my comfortable lazy way of living.
I do believe that a lot of you, women especially might think or feel these same things but we don't talk about them because we think people are going to think we need some kind of help. We probably all need help lol
I LOVE working out, it really gives you that sense of accomplishment once you get on a routine of completing workouts and noticing your doing better then you were from the beginning: lifting for longer or heavier weights, running longer or at a faster speed, or keeping up with the pace better....
You might even notice your body is actually changing. You've lost weight, you just look different, or clothes are fitting you differently. That feeling is an amazing feeling I've experience a few of these but sadly it doesn't last.
I've realized it's a daily sometimes hourly thing. Battling that "but I'm still not good enough feeling" we probably will never be where we want to be. The world so easily makes us believe we are never good enough even if we are trying as hard as we can.
We compare ourselves to others, not all of us but it happens. We are all physically built so different so we will never be like another person even if we worked really hard for it.
There was a blog I read once about not trying to get back to the body you had before babies because your not going to be the same again. Having a child changes you and you should love and accept the new body you have. I am amazed that our bodies cant carry children and deliver them but it still takes getting used to =] I have a little bit bigger hips then I used it and I feel it throws everything off but its true you should love your new body style then your old one.
I've picked a goal to work towards becoming a teacher for a core class. That's a great goal but each day I still doubt my abilities, not just physically but personality wise. But I read somewhere that (you should try for things out of your comfort zone because you might be surprised at how well you might do that new thing )
So it keeps me thinking that maybe I just might be better then I think
I LOVE and HATE the gym setting :)
You can find awesome support from people you know or barely know. There are some great people out there who want you to achieve your goals or just want to help you be a better you.
But there are also those people who've been going for years and you think I'm never going to look like that or be able to do that. You've really have to not focus on that but it can creep him.
Let's talk sauna/steam room for a moment haha
Love them, their relaxing and just awesome. And you can go in anyway you choose: fully clothed, bathing suit, towel, naked.... doesn't matter. It's a mix of every type and every style of body. And those women that come it naked really don't care what people think of them and are proud of how they look, even if their body type isn't the way the world says it should be.
I would love that confidence. I may have confident days here and there but I don't think I would ever be that confident. And in general it's just uncomfortable to share a room with that but that's just my personality.
Some days I feel like such a small, weak little duckling in the gym setting and some days I feel powerful and strong.
I'm hitting all areas, ive slacked on running a bit but try to get it in 1-2 days a week. I do get cardio in and strength training through classes. And like I said earlier I have noticed changes. I have some pants getting looser and some days I can tell I'm stronger and I've lost maybe 2 pounds since starting my journey.
Here is another flaw that I'm not proud of and I struggle with it daily. I think I've struggled most of my life but until I changed my habits I didn't realize how bad it was. And a lot of people aren't going to really understand this.
You see those shirts that say things like "I run because I love food." Etc.
I hate food.... there are days I won't eat when I'm hungry because it's too much work or makes dishes or if I eat more that means I'm going to have to spend more money on food.
Since I've been working out I'm burning calories so I need to eat more, this is difficult for me. And I started feeling sick on and off for days because I wasn't getting the calories I needed for the new lifestyle I've chosen.
As a mom it's always very easy to forget to eat a meal because your feeding your kids or doing errands. But the sickness was starting to be hard to handle while taking care of kids so I knew I needed to change my ways.
1. I have a calender full of what I should eat so I can prepare ahead of time or not sit trying to figure out what to eat
2. I have alarms that go off every two hours to remind me to eat a snack and or meal. Because time sometimes flies.
So far I haven't been as sick but it isn't easy. Like I said a hate food and now having to eat even more of it is honestly hard for me. Being a picky eater of course limits I food options which can make eating more difficult because i sometimes eat the same things all the time.
Anyways it's a daily struggle in so many areas.
And I can say I do eat healthier then I used to, their is rarely any ice cream or chocolate in the house and I don't even realize it most days.
I also don't wake up as sore as I used to that first month. I wake up in a different kind of sore or that i can tell I worked out but it's manageable to get up in the mornings :)
I'm a bit more active through out the day and want to get out and do things but I still have my lazy setting which is needed here and there! But should use the energy bursts I do get towards cleaning the house better... my next weak area that needs fixing.
I've been reading this book "love is a choice" I wanted it for a marriage type book which is what it's been helpful in but it's also been helpful in loving yourself and other people in general.
There was another quote I saw about how people realize your beauty more then you see your beauty.
We see ourselves all the time and we get lost in all the negative that some times we don't get why people might think we look beautiful. Or we don't deserve those compliments. I think most of us could list more things we didn't like about ourselves then what we like.
In the end I am loving the journey I've decided to take into a healthier and more for lifestyle but it is a daily choice and a long, hard journey with many ups and downs. I am doing great at drinking lots of water =]
I'm thankful for those who do stand by me through it all and hopefully who will always be there for me.
Please don't think i'm crazy for all these things. I just wanted to be honest because maybe there are others who feel this way and feel alone in that. I can change the way I feel and it's a daily thing we work on in this world.
Quotes some times get me through another day or remind me of who I want to become inside and outside.
I plan to take monthly pictures of my progress which occasionally I may post here.
"God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Here's to a year of better habits, positive thinking, clean eating & most of all, loving yourself."
"I'm not beautiful like you, i'm beautiful like me"
"Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful, without needing someone to tell you."
"Love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."
"There's a difference between pretty and beautiful. When someone is pretty, they have a good appearance. But when someone is beautiful, they shine on the inside and out..."
"Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself."
Below is pictures of me probably at my worst. I was not physically fit and I ate terribly. Doesn't mean I didn't love life and have fun =] And I still probably don't look big to other people but thought i'd share. This was Beginning of 2010
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