I’m not sure how exactly to write this so I’m going to be
write and hope I didn’t miss anything and hope it’s not all over the place =]
I think we all have things we want to change about ourselves
either physically or spiritually or mentally but admitting we want to and
actually taking action is two completely different things.
I’m a pretty lazy person, not completely lazy because with
kids I really can’t be but I will admit that I am lazy to some extent.
Also this brings up where there are times when you do take
action and start changing but for whatever reason things come up and your
progress starts falling and your back to where you were before.
Actually starting is the hardest part, it’s easy to just
stay in the comfortable even if it’s not healthy or the best place you can be.
We just convince ourselves changing is too hard so I’m just going to stay here
for a little while longer and years later your still there, not progressing at
all.
My point is when we decided we were going to pick up and
move to another state where I had no family and no friends, and a place I had
never been to before, it got me thinking. I was really excited for the
adventure and of course really scared but I started thinking well maybe now I
can change. Not fully knowing the changes I thought I should make I just felt
that I probably should change somethings now that I’ve been given this fresh
start.
Since moving here these past two weeks my eyes have been
opened to a few changes I needed to make. It became this list all from
different categories. I’m sitting here knowing I need to change, not that I’m
unhappy but knowing I could be happier and it would be better for me in the
long run but also really wanting to stay lazy (physically, spiritually,
mentally) because it’s just too hard.
Now being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter
Day Saints even though we moved away from friends and family we aren’t fully
alone because we’ve got these other members of the church to go to and get to
know and learn from and ask for help from. That is really comforting but still
a little scary because I’m not one to just go up and talk to people.
Anyways this past Sunday I went to church by myself because
the boys were sick but we felt at least one of us should go and get to know
more people. I’m really glad I did because I think it gave me a few more things
to add to my list and gave me a little bit more of a push to get up and make
the changes I needed to make. Now I may have long list of things to change BUT
I realize I can’t do them all at once because that’s what makes it harder to
complete the list, feeling overwhelmed.
The number one on my list I’ve decided to tackle first is in
the spiritual department.
I’ve never been a terrible member of the church, I’ve made
mistakes like everyone and learned from them. But when I came to this ward I
felt a little inadequate because everyone seemed SO spiritual (not saying my
past wards weren’t spiritual or the people I know aren’t, it just showed it to
me in a different way or my eyes were more open to see it then usual), partly
because I only knew them on Sunday. It made me realize that I’ve been doing the:
go to church, serve others, don’t drink, and don’t swear….etc. I’ve realized
I’ve just been coasting, no huge inclines and no huge downfalls, just resting
at this pace, settling. My first thought was how can people be this spiritual?
I’ve had my spiritual moments but not very many, when I looked back at journal
entries I remember the spiritual moments and how I felt but it had been awhile.
It’s hard for me to
admit this for several reasons. 1. It makes me feel like I’m a bad person even
though tons of us out there probably are just coasting through life. 2. I don’t
like feeling exposed and whenever I cry in front of someone or I’m telling my
faults, that’s exposing myself and I feel naked and I don’t like that. Afterwards
you always seem to feel better but during the process it’s not that fun.
A few days ago I thought one way to start this journey of
being more spiritual among other ideas is to read the book “21 days closer to
Christ” by: Emily Freeman, again. Now you can read a chapter a day or take your
time. I decided that once I felt like I accomplished whatever that
day/step/chapter required that I would move on.
The first day’s invitation is: come. Basically he asks at
the end what fills your nets and distracts you from coming and seeing/hearing
Christ. I realized one of my big ones is electronics: phone, facebook, tv,
movies, Instagram….etc. I knew I had this problem but just haven’t done much
about it. Anyways so here goes to less tv/ phone time and more time focusing
even more on my kids, my husband, Christ, and our home.
“As members of the church, we are charged to not let our
resolve dribble out and our commitment to follow the Savior evaporate. We must
be firm as a rock in living the gospel.” –Robet D. Hales
In spare moments I’ve decided to read a few more inspirational
type books as well, so one we have that I’ve never read it called “Return” By:
Robert D. Hales
I think I picked a good one so far!
I will blog more after I feel I’ve learned something
important to share, or I’ve completely most of the step, and when I start a new
change on my list.
Your more than welcome to suggest good spiritual books you’ve
read, preferably LDS ones but if it isn’t I will still look into it.
Within two days I have noticed a slight difference, and
enjoyed more one on one time with my kids and I think they’ve really enjoyed
that. =] Have a fantastic weekend!
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