Trap

Trap
There are these times for whatever reason I am in this sort of trap. That's the name I've given this thing. It's like I'm trapped in my own little bubble of emotions. That no matter what I say or do I'm just kind of stuck in this trap for a little while.
I over think a lot of things it's just my personality I guess. So almost everything that is done or said or a thought is analyzed in my mind weather said or done by me or someone else. I have this battle in my head over every thing that I did or thought of doing or saying.
Sounds exhausting doesn't it? It is. Lol
I may think one thing one day and next month I've changed my mind. I'm such a girl!
Journaling has saved my life in a few ways. I don't go out and talk to a bunch of people especially now that I've become a stay at home mom so journaling has allowed me to kind of write out my thoughts and feelings that are bouncing around in my head. Maybe someday I will write a story about all the crazy things that happen but for now they are just random thoughts.
As I am sitting here writing this I realize I probably sound like a crazy lady!
Back to this whole trapped thing. It's like you want to say everything to someone about everything you have ever done, said, or felt and that might feel great in the moment  but then later you realize maybe it's best to just keep it all inside or written down on paper. But once those things are out (because you've been dying to spill it all) you realize in the end it doesn't solve much of anything. That something's are just better kept inside your head. Then your stuck, trapped in your thoughts over thinking and over analyzing everything all over again for the 100th time.
I have a few theories of why this "trap" happens and they all seem pretty ridiculous but for some reason it happens and someday I will figure it out and break it. It's not like it happens often maybe once or twice a year at different times.
When it's over it's over I move on and I don't look back. What's the point of dwelling on the past right? Except I do it almost constantly and I think or actually I've come to realize that it's a lot harder to forgive yourself. It's really easy to beat yourself up over every little thing. I read something a few days ago that said "be your own best friend" treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. I understand what it is saying but I have still yet to figure out how to apply that to myself.
Applying things to your life is a lot easier said then done. I've read lots of things that I find amazing and so true but have yet to take those big steps to change. It's easy to stay in your "comfort" zone and go about your every day life doing almost the same old thing every day. A child sure can throw that for a loop though, they never really let you be "lazy" or "boring" they keep you on your toes. One day I looked up an realized a wave called "life" picked me up and all of a sudden I'm married with a child not sure when that all happened. Some days it just hits you. Life moves really fast so you need to pause and take a good look around and appreciate what you have and see what you should change.
At the moment Isaac is just throwing my emotions all over the place.
Now don't over think this post.  I really had a thought and just started typing and it kind of just went all over. Maybe one day this will be a start for a poem or a story down the line.
Well I guess I should try to get some sleep while Isaac is asleep but I'm sure once I fall asleep he will wake up again. Story of my life some days :S
Either way it was nice to get some random writing in. Make sure to do something spontaneous every now and then To keep life fun and interesting it will probably help you live longer. I'm sure I worry enough for everyone in the world somedays. Lol

New Years resolutions

It's been awhile on posts, sorry I've been bad at keeping up. A quick update
Isaac is learning new things always. He is now on hands and knees rocking back and forth trying to leap or crawl forward but not there yet
He tilts his was to the side when he looks at people
He wakes up every hour at night so we still haven't conquered sleep and he still eats some at night so I technically shouldn't sleep train yet. I'm sure a breakdown is in my near future with lack of sleep
Isaac had his first Christmas and was cute as always but of course didn't know what was going on
Oh and he likes pears and blueberries and his first love was sweet potatoes
He weighs 14.3 pounds and 25 inches and had his first stomach bug... Diarrhea only thank heavens nothin else but we are glad he is feeling better
And we did our first night away from him when he was sick an it was okay but probably won't happen again for awhile. That's about it I think
Now...
Usually I write a yearly review and I would love to but it's a lot of work and with a child, I don't have time to sit and go through journals. I like to cuz someday maybe I can print each year out and put it into a book for my great grand kids, I may still end up doing it. Also sometimes it's fun to keep track of the songs I likes monthly throughout the year

2014 New Years resolutions

It's always sad to me how hard it seems for us all to keep simple New Years resolutions. Maybe its because we have too many to try to achieve or we've made resolutions that are too high for us to reach so here are mine that I plan to keep or be in the process of working on always, simple but fulfilling and meaningful that keep me healthy and alive physically and mentally

1. Be there always for my husband and children for whatever they need. To teach them, or to listen, or provide a simple hug and a kiss when they've had a rough day

2. Keeping the gospel/christ always at the center of my everyday life not off to the side

3. Keeping physically active (which can be hard in winter months) but I'm not going to promise to "work out" every day but be active at whatever I'm doing not sitting around when I could be standing or walking

4. Being an explorer always seeing how things work and looking at things in a different light. So seeing how a baby/ toddler sees new things for the first time

5. Not being afraid to Try new things. That could be new food, new adventure, or something like that

6. Be helpful:kind to anyone you meet. Serve always and be a friend to everyone

7. Go to bed early and arise early, I love my sleep but I know this is best in the long run

And just the normal try to stay positive, keep the house clean, try to do better with money, not watch too much tv, read scriptures daily, or eat too much junk food

Disneyland with Isaac

Sunday- last night was terrible because Isaac and I starting getting a cold so it was hard to sleep. Then we got out free breakfast and headed out for the drive to California. We should of left earlier in the morning because traffic has been HORRIBLE!!! And having a cold and being scrunched in the back and trying to keep Isaac entertained is taking a toll. I'm bored. I've finished a book in a half but this traffic is ridiculous and I just don't understand it. So we left at 930am (Utah time) maybe and we didn't arrive until 1000pm (Cali time) (we made a few short stops here and there to get Isaac out but nothing crazy)
Monday- we woke up and relaxed for a little while. I caught up on tv shows and we went to a restaurant called wing stop which was pretty good. Then packed up and headed out to Anaheim.
Tuesday- happy 6 months to Isaac! He is just the cutest! He does this growl screeching noise now and sits very well on his own. And full of smiles! He slept pretty good last night only woke up two times and that was to eat but I'm not sure if it's because he was sleeping with us or he is getting better because we switched his formula. And did introduce him to apple sauce and prunes lol
We headed to Disneyland! We were able to ride all the rides I wanted to except one. We took Isaac on a few rides, the first one being it's a small world. He only cried on one ride and I think it's because the person was really loud! We bought him a cute little Micky mouse outfit! And did pretty good at Disneyland! :) I love my sweet baby boy! It was a pretty cold windy day :( I'm starting to gain weight blah so need to get back into working out soon. Our hotel rooms adjoined so all of us were together.
Wednesday- off to California adventures today! I'm pretty sure my milk is almost all dried up yay i feel a lot better!!! Happy day! My legs are feeling sore today :( but not much we can do with Isaac here or that we even care to do. It's nice in the sun but there is some cloud coverage :(
Eventually we just ended up leaving around 3. We got back and just relaxed! Later we ordered Pizza Hut pizza and went to bed
Thursday- Isaac was a cranky baby today maybe cuz he was said we weren't at Disneyland anymore. We took our time today and just relaxed. We helped watch Logan and Lucas. I went to target for a little bit. Later in the evening spencer and I left Isaac with grandma and grandpa and walked around the mall. Then that evening we went to Denny's to hang out with Desiree
Friday- we were going to leave at midnight but our trip got cut short and we had to leave this morning because there is a snow storm coming to Utah and we don't want to get hit by it. :( I'm very sad to leave early and had to rush out. We made really good time only stopped twice and it was nice to be home
Saturday- we woke up and got ready. Isaac and I hit the road to go to jades first birthday! Not too bad of a drive. We got to see all the family on my side again :)
Then it took forever to get home because the snowy weather was pretty bad so we got home around 7 and left at 330. Then we just relaxed for the evening. And decorated our Christmas tree.

Cousins for thanksgiving

Sunday- a fairly good nights rest. Church wasn't too bad. The jeopardy game went well in primary. Then had a short down time at home and later went to my parents for a little bit for dinner!
Monday- didn't feel like doing much but I accomplished editing photos so that was great! And cleaned up a bit. Mostly tried to keep Isaac from being fussy. Then yay we went to iggys for dinner and got lost finding the movie theater it's so confusing. Then saw the amazing 50 anniversary of doctor who, loved it! Thanks mom for watching Isaac :)
Tuesday- at one point I laid on the floor with Isaac and we sang and danced to nursery rhymes! It was lots of fun! Other then that I did a few chores and my milk is so close to finally being all dried up! Which makes me so happy but also kind of sad. Then we walked over to grandmas for a little bit. Then made dinner. I've realized Isaac is very whiny. I hope it's just a stage and he will soon be over it. I looked more into possibly getting a business license for my photography business. Had a fairly decent day
Wednesday- exhausted!! I was up until 1230 with Isaac. He woke up crying. He only would go to sleep on me a certain way and if I laid him down he would cry so it was rough. we got up and headed out to salt lake to meet up at IHOP for breakfast with a friend but sadly her son hit his head and we weren't able to meet up :(
So I called spencer and he took an early lunch to have breakfast with me. :) then I did a few errands and we went to my moms house to hang out with cache, jade, j, Jessica, Stephanie and grandma. We finally had all the Nielsen grand kids together for once! I brought over the kittens for a little bit too :) then went home to do laundry. Then later went back over to grandmas. We all had dinner then hung out for a little while before going back home.
Thursday- happy thanksgiving! We slowly woke up and got ready to head over to grandmas house. After a little while Jon and Mallorie arrived and we did Christmas presents. Isaac got some great toys! We all had lots of fun! And ate yummy food. I made a pumpkin poke cake. It was delicious!!! We took some updated family pictures! :) then later we all left to go home.
Yesterday I decided I won't pump at all anymore so I'm at the point where DO NOT touch me is said in my head, there is a bubble lol now Isaac I cant tell that too but we manage. Then we hurried and got everything packed up!
I'm thankful for my whole family and especially my little family. And for spencer and all he has had to put up with while being married to me. He is a thoughtful and patient man. And for our sweet baby boy, he teaches us so much! And especially for the gospel and the guidance and light it brings us in our life. The list could go on!
Friday- up early in the morning not for Black Friday shopping but to head out to Idaho to have all the peacock family together. We got there around lunch time. We pretty much hung out and didn't do a whole lot. Then later went to pizza pie cafe to have dinner together. Yummy
Saturday- rough night and spencer took Isaac after 12 so I could go to sleep. We decided since he hasn't pooped (just little pieces) in awhile and I haven't given him solid food that maybe it's his formula so we bought a different brand and got some prune food. Then around 12 we headed off to California. So we pretty much drove most the way and Isaac slept most the time and then we stopped at a hotel in beaver, the same hotel we stopped in awhile back

Despicable me 2 w/ Isaac

Sunday- Isaac was up around 1030 and I didn't get him back to sleep until 130am. Lately he has been all sorts of fussy and crying. We try pretty much everything. And he almost passes out and then ten minute later he starts crying and won't take a pacifier or milk or anything. Then when he is exhausted I'm way past exhausted. To the point where I want to just drop him off with someone and leave for a week but probably just a day. Only then I feel bad cuz he is upset so I don't want to leave him but it is probably best if I do soon or else I'm going to go crazy. And I know this is nothing compared to other babies that scream and scream but this is close to the breaking point to what I am able to handle.
So today we went on a long walk until he fell asleep but that didn't last long.
Thankfully though once he napped once spencer and I got to have ice cream and play a game so that was nice
Monday- we went to Walmart today and got a few things. I figured out a great Christmas present for spencer, I'm pretty proud of myself! Then folded the laundry and did a load of diapers. My mom came over for a little bit. Isaac sucked on my apple and watched the fishes. Later we had dinner and I did the dishes. Then went over the love language book again.
Tuesday- I got a lot of things cleaned up around the house. Then went on a walk with Isaac and my mom. Then around 4 heard out to pick up aleshia from the airport. My friend Haley's best friend. She is going to the MTC tomorrow and I offered to have her stay the night. So we picked her up then walked around temple square (her first time in Utah) then we went to in and out and Isaac screamed his head off in the car cuz he was starving and I didn't have water for his formula mix so that was fun. Then we headed back to tooele.
Wednesday- we woke up and did a few quick errands then headed to Provo. We stopped to eat lunch then I dropped aleshia off at the MTC. She's going to be a great missionary. Then Isaac and I walked around the mall. I bought him a lion king onesie!!! Then did my best to not buy lots of other cute clothes. I ate a yummy cinnamon roll and we headed back. Thankfully he fell asleep but man I felt like I was going in circles and was pretty lost getting back. Eventually I made it to salt lake and picked up spencer. We got home and Isaac are pretty good and then we watched the X factor.
Thursday- we went to Walmart and bought some groceries. Then headed home and I put dinner in the crockpot, made red velvet brownies, and puréed bananas for Isaac to try. Then we headed to the church to hang with my mom. It snowed pretty much all day!! We picked up j from school and came to my place and I got some things cleaned up. Later we put Isaac out in the snow to take pictures. Then folded the laundry and tried to head to bed but that didn't happen until 1130... Sigh
Friday- I painted my toe nails and we hung out most the day. We went to the library and ran a few errands. Then later I did visiting teaching and then we took Isaac to see despicable me 2 in the dollar theater. With Jessica and j. His eyes were wide open for most of the beginning and he found our drink and took the straw out of it to chew on it. Then he fell asleep in my arms for about 30 minutes or so and was a little fussy towards then end but did pretty good!!!
Saturday- we woke up and started cleaning the house a little. Then later I ran some errands and took some pictures for a ladies family. Then later Isaac and I went to Applebee's with my good friend Kate! Love her to pieces! An we talked forever!

Meatballs 2 movie

Sunday- I'm okra when the rough nights come to an end. Today was stake conference! To be honest I was tired so I don't remember much at all. Then we went home and cleaned a little for a visitor. Later spencer did dishes then we walked to my parents house to have dinner there. Isaac swung on the swing outside. He didn't mind it too much. I think sometimes I push him to grow up and achieve new things which is good but maybe I'm doing something's too early. Who knows. Then we came home and watched another episode of haven... Love this show!! We bought tickets to see the doctor who special in theaters!!!! I'm so excited!
Monday- he didn't stay up at 500!! :) I started the pump only ten minutes... I just am hoping for very little pain with this process.
I got all the laundry done and put away! Then we went to sweet pea and I got a exercise saucer toy for Isaac, he loves it!!! He has been fussy today even though he got a few naps. I'm thinking his teeth are hurting him again. We made dinner and later I looked up a talk to visit teach with on Tuesday, not an easy task to pick one. Then just watching more haven. I'm thinking Isaac may be constipated from eating solids but not positive.
Tuesday- we got up and headed to target and costco with grandma. I spent more money then I should of. But I got cute things. Then later I went visiting teaching. It was great to get out and visit sisters.
We let the kittens sleep in our room, they did pretty good
Wednesday- today was our chill from chores day, which means I can have fun and be lazy, do a little catch up if behind in a chore, or do a chore early. I did the dishes. I tell you what, lately I just am always hungry and even if I eat a meal I want snacks and more snacks! Once I am done pumping I will start working out. Still watching haven it's so crazy!! Then dropped off some things to a person. My favorite part of the day is when Isaac wakes up from naps because he is so happy and just adorable and it only lasts for a short amount of time lately so I cherish that time. Then spencer got home and we did a few things and I ate ice cream and then hot chocolate
Thursday- today I called the lactation lady at the health department to make sure I was stopping right. She was asking why I was stopping and saying breastfeeding is the most healthy. I got defensive and said it's really non of your business why and that's it's just something that is going to work better for my family right now. And she said we promote health she that's why we ask. But for one thing she doesn't even know how long I pumped for! So for all she knows I could of been doing it for a yeAr or more. Either way I was very upset after that phone call. I've been blessed with getting milk and producing enough for my baby but I just can't keep doing this anymore.
And you have to pump less and less it's a slow process that's starting to drive me crazy!!! I want it done now!
Anyways I got the floors swept and mopped. Then later Hillary came over and we bought pizza and had Jonas sodas! And just talked about all sorts of things.
Later Isaac and I just hung out until spencer came home. I made dinner and he went out for the evening to talk to less active people and later we stopped by our neighbors home to introduce ourselves.
And Isaac woke up a lot before midnight so going to be a rough night
Friday- it snowed so we stayed indoors in our pajamas all day! I overloaded on the tv show haven and played with Isaac. Later we stopped by my moms for a little bit to have different scenery. Later fed Isaac carrots, I think he really likes carrots. Then gave him a quick bath. Hoping for a good night sleep for us all because I have a few things to get done tomorrow.
Saturday- rough night...
We went to the store and I got a chase account connected to Spencer's. Then later we finally put up some pictures on the wall! Later I went to see cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2, it was funny! Then I listened to my music while cleaning. I love doing that! Thinking of maybe doing the couch to half a marathon thing maybe

Oreo marshmallow bars!

Saturday- woke up and hurriedly got ready to get the kittens! They seem pretty good and I think they were glad to be home. I need to give them a pill this time. Isaac was fussy a lot of the day but we did have some cute moments. We went to Walmart for a few items and then got a few chores done. So Saturdays I should look forward to but lately I don't because they are more stressful I think instead of relaxing. :(
Later we went to a ward meeting about visiting and home teaching. It came together nicely. And in the skit I sang and it went fairly well I think even though I was nervous. Then we came home and watched gnomeo and Juliet while eating popcorn and hot chocolate and looking through old church handouts I used to keep.
Sunday- Isaac is 5 months old and sadly we have more cranky moments lately then happy moments. Just another little bump in the road. And we gained an hour!!! Which doesn't matter much when you have children. Primary was okay today but blah! I am not feeling comfortable yet. I know the songs but it's hard to teach children songs and also I realized I know the songs but not always what the song totally means and I want the kids to know that. I feel inadequate at this callings sometimes but once I get the hang of it I'm sure it will be fun.
A lady at church asked me what happened to my eye and I said nothing she goes oh it just looks like you have a black eye in certain light which is because I look tired and I don't always wear make up. She meant it out of concern but in the end it hurt my feelings because now I think my eyes look terrible! Then she said yeah you must be tired but you don't know the meaning of exhaustion yet. I only have one child so far but I'm pretty darn sure I know the meaning of exhaustion!
Isaac wouldn't nap good again so we were up just watching some shows. Then we fed him some rice cereal which he didn't seem to like so we tried carrots... He liked them or I assume he did since he didn't spit them out :)
I also trimmed his hair because it needed it so I took matters into my own hands. It's not perfect but his hair is going to grow back and do lots of weird stuff I'm sure until it decides how to be.
Oh and it snowed so he got to see his first snow fall! Later we just cleaned up a little bit and then headed off to bed... I think maybe I should get a nap in tomorrow
Monday- lately I wake up with a super sore throat :( but I'm not sick sick so I guess that's good
I got all the laundry done, folded, and put away. Isaacs appointment went well he is not sick just learning new things. He weights 13.15 and is now 25 inches long. The doctor said I can let him cry himself to sleep now but I'm still not really ready to do that and he never really screams or crys a ton more just fussy. But now instead of rocking him I just lay him down with his pacifier and blanket and walk away. He are more carrots today. We went to see my mom for a little bit. I guess around where we love there have been thefts which is pretty scary. We don't have anything out in the open and all is locked so hopefully we will be okay but it still worries me.
I watched the movie now you see me, it was pretty good! Then I made chicken and dumplings and Oreo marshmallow bars and we had fhe then watched the croods! Isaac has been going to bed around 730 :) and stays asleep for a little while. I should go to bed with him but it's time for spencer and I to be together or for me to do the dishes. I love my baby!
Tuesday- we went to lunch at trio in salt lake with spencer. Yum! Then Isaac and I walked around target, I love that store!
Then I finished a few things at home and decided to go to the library. Our day wasn't super exciting. We bought a few Christmas presents for family and we made bacon cheeseburger casserole but I didn't like it very much but I could easily fix it I think. Then we struggled getting Isaac to bed. I do think I need to make a list of good peaceful songs and make a playlist for him on my iPod. Now going to bed early!
Wednesday- so Isaac got a Beth today and we sang nursery rhymes. I run out of ideas of things to do with him because he is still young and can't do much. I cleaned the kitchen and made a grocery list. I transferred some of my pictures from my phone to my laptop (trying to stay organized). I miss my old phone, sometime I may just switch back. We watched a movie on Netflix and then I took a nap when he did which was nice. Then spencer got home and we went to the dollar store to buy some candy to play candyopoly with real candy. I thought it was fun but I'm on this sugar love moment. I just want more and more lately. Need to substitute for fruit here and there probably. We then went to my parents to pick up some of my old things I've kept. I'm selling some now, or trashing or still keeping. I just can't give up my choir t shirts from school! Even though I will never wear them again. I wish I could lay in bed in the mornings all day and not do a thing but one Isaac likes to be up and play and if I didn't get up the house would forever be messy and I would fall behind. I can dream though
Thursday- Isaac thinks it's okay to wake up at 430 or 5 now for a little while. Hmm
We went to my parents house to get the rest of my things. Then I posted items online to try and sell :) a few things are pending a sell. Later Hillary came over and we went to subway and hung out for a little bit.
Then we picked up spencer and went grocery shopping. We bought a food processor and are making our own baby good for Isaac! We tried green beans tonight. He seemed to like them. At one point he had a delayed reaction and make a shiver weird face look it was funny! Then he ended up going to bed at 7pm. Woke up for food at 9 and fell back asleep in my arms :) aw love moments like that.
Friday- once again 430/5 am is the new morning for Isaac. And waking up every hour! I just don't understand and it's getting hard once again. I got laundry done but not folded, just was feeling blah today. I sold a few items finally! Organized the stuff for sale by putting it in the spare room. I got a few pictures organized. Went to my moms to use her copier. We put Isaac in the walker and he loved it but if you played the music he would start to cry. Really sad but also really funny, he loves music so not sure why that was happening. Started watching a new show called haven, it's pretty good. Then later we had some Oreo ice cream and watched tv. Isaac ate more green beans. I really need to be better at wearing my wrist band and taking the ibuprofen but it's hard to do things with it on and I have to worry about giving medicine to the kittens and Isaac and feeding them all so it just never happens. I just want them to get better now!!! Ahhhh! I'm just having a moment. I need another break from things
Saturday- up every hour again with Isaac.... Sigh
After doing a few things this morning I left Isaac and spencer and had some me time. Which consisted of looking around some stores and going to di and sweet pea to get 9 month clothes for Isaac. I love carter rompers :) I found more cute ones!!! I plan to have a monkey type one for each third month. I had a newborn one, he has a three month one and I just got 6 month now just need a 9 and 12 :) they are all striped with a monkey
Then relaxed a little bit and then headed to kellies wedding reception. She was gorgeous :)
Man our house is a mess I just have no desire lately to do something's. Isaac is defiantly in a leap stage.... :(