My Little Girl

Not every girl dreams of one day having her own little girl but this girl did!
I love my boys but this point will be focused on my little girl.

My cute little girl joined us May 24th 2017 <3

Tomorrow she turns TWO! She has been the little girl I dreamed about in SO many ways! She has also been the occasional drama that I didn't hope for lol

She looks very much like me! Emma has curly light brown hair and a sweet little giggle. She will come pat you on the arm if your upset. She randomly lays her head on my shoulder and goes aww because that's what mommy usually says whenever she would do it. She loves to dance and loves music and her moves make me smile! Mommy kisses make owies feel better. She LOVES mommy forever and ever which melts my heart!

She is just this little bitty thing but she is Sassy! If she doesn't want you in her bubble she will whine or say NO. She whines and yells and cries and sadly is finding out that she doesn't always get her way even though she's cute!

She has the side glare DOWN and the eye roll i'm sure is soon to follow.....heaven help us! She always amazes me at the things she figures out by watching her brothers. And the trouble she manages to get into......and the uh oh that always follows. She knows what she wants and she always tries to get it.

Whenever I see her cuddling her warm pink blanket I just want to pick her up and snuggle her! Then overload her with hugs and kisses!

She has filled my heart in the way I always dreamed having a little girl would! (once again I love my boys and they fill a whole other part of my heart that I didn't know I needed)

I do always hope that she will be:
Strong but soft
Vocal but kind
and so many more things, my mind has given up on words!

She is my best friend and so far I am hers..... (this may not last lol)

She just melts my heart every single day!! <3

I Mean just look at her!!!!! <3

The Crazy Lady

It has been almost 1 1/2 years since I last wrote in here. I'm not going to really update you, i'm just going to jump right into an idea that recently popped into my head.

Every so often I get books to understand how to be a better parent, better spouse, better person, or better couple etc. Recently I looked into a book a friend recommended called Wife for Life the power to succeed in marriage  By: Ramona Zabriskie
It was a pretty interesting read, there were things I couldn't relate to or totally understand. I just don't think the way that this author does.

There is also a book I started when we first got married and am just NOW finishing (almost 8 years later lol) It was a really great book but I must of found non fiction books I decided to read instead and never went back until now. It's called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus By: John Gray

Now both books explain women and men. Which wasn't something I was totally expecting. I will say they have similar descriptions of how women and men are. It has been really cool to see side by sides of how we both think differently, and respond different. Of course not all men are the same or women but its enough to have a good place to start if you want to fix any issues. I've taken note on some little things to try but even the simplest things to fix situations or change of word is very hard to remember IN the moment to do.

There were times when I would say that is totally me, I didn't realize I did that. Then there are things that I don't think I do at all. While reading occasionally I will think is this how my husband is too? The thing though is if someone just came up and asked me how I am, I honestly don't know myself to really know how to explain myself to someone. There have been times where I want to go to my husband and say hey is this you? Do you really feel that way or think that way? I don't think he would know or maybe even want to say (I haven't tried it so husband, maybe i'm wrong lol)

In Wife for Life she brings up this thing "Don't let the crazy lady out". Or something along those lines. In one chapter she breaks down all the type of crazy ladies there are. I remember reading over them and thinking okay i'm a tiny bit of this one and that one. I'm not at all (or so I think) a CRAZY Lady but I do believe there are moments where I can go a bit insane.

I'm the type of person especially in a marriage that doesn't say my feelings or what i'm thinking very often. So if i'm lacking sleep, lack good food, not feeling in some kind of control, spent (you've tried all you can give and things arent working), the weather is getting you down, lack good exercise, kids are on me ALL day(s) or feel tons of responsibility/pressure I can sometimes lets say SNAP.

Now I will say I don't regret that snapping moment much because i'm releasing some real true feelings in that small moment. Is it the right way..... probably not! I think the book said something about 7 different crazy ladies, and how to try to control them to a degree. Last night I let one crazy lady out, there was just no way (especially with little to no practice) to have tamed that crazy! In those moments how do you even come back from that, im choosing to pretend it didn't happen.....which is probably again not the right way to handle it. lol

When you've got so many things you know you could do better at and fix, where do you start, which one do you pick! I have really great amazing days or decent days most the time, blow ups dont happen that often, i'm sure thats the same for the majority of you but when they do come up they make me feel like everything else was such a lie. Does that make sense? Like maybe I was playing pretend but deep inside there were crazy ladies that needed to be tamed a LONG time ago, but I just shove them down because its easier in the moment.

*While reading these books I started thinking we'll I'm a women what if I wrote a book about women. You'd be more confused about women then you were before. We cry and you ask why....I have no idea why I'm crying. We want you to help but if you offer we(or maybe just me) is like no I can do it myself. We are happy one moment and some how furious the next. We want this then we change our mind. We are very confusing creatures and i will agree with any man that says so. I don't ever understand myself!

I'm not sure if this is totally how I wanted this post to go, but if you are reading this, have you had moments where you feel later or even in the moment that in a sense you were a crazy lady but not totally yourself?

I do highly recommend these books not just for married or engaged but in general it may help you interact with the opposite sex or get to know yourself better BEFORE you become a duo or help your friendships or family you DO have.

Everything

I keep coming up with all these blog post ideas and then deciding not to post. And these last few weeks i've been overwhelmed with a lot of things going on and beating myself up over things. Last night I decided if I am going to blog its going to be about all the things i'm thankful for.

My sweet husband who always loves me, and helps me parent and teaches the kids how to be respectful of me and others. And a hardworking man that puts up with a crazy wife who means well & kids that are all over the place some days lol

A beautiful daughter who lights up whenever she seems me, which just melts my heart

A handsome son who is very grown up and a very helpful big brother to his younger siblings

A mischievous son that keeps me on my toes but has a sensitive soul.

My very loving and cuddly cats that constantly remind me they need to be loved just as much as everyone else

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that has gave me the opportunity to learn and grown and meet amazing new people I otherwise would have never met.

My Savior who has shown SO much love, comfort, and forgiveness that no one else has ever shown me.

My parents & siblings & In laws that have taught/ shown me how to live and love.

My friends (close & far, old & new) that have been there for me as a listening ear or to be crazy with me, or served me or made me laugh or gave me much needed advice.

Visiting Teachers that are also there to lend a hand when needed!

For a body that I can strengthen and help me to do all the things in life I need to to live & love.

For an apartment that keeps us warm & sheltered from all kinds of weather: especially rainy days in Oregon ;)

A vehicle that can get me places faster and makes carting my little family around easier

For the money we do have to get what we need!

Scriptures that help me learn & grow

Sleep when you get a good nights rest that can refresh you and help you start a new day happily =]

Technology that allows us to talk & see family & friends that are far away.

Books that can either teach you things or take you away to another world if you just need to escape from real life for a bit.

Music that just says things in the most beautiful way and expresses how I feel better then I could do.

JoySchool (preschool) that teaches my children things he other words may not learn from just me.

Oregon for its BEAUTIFUL Fall colors that distract me when driving lol (don't worry I try to be extra careful in the Fall)

Thankful for new opportunities even though scary and hard that open up new friendships & strength & patience.

I could write even more but these are some lately that i've been thinking about. Everything is listed in no particular order and even though i've had frustrations with these things or people once or twice there is always so much more love that goes along with it. So thank you!
What is one of your top things to be grateful for??

Do over- 6 weeks

Today marks 6 weeks since baby, it feels like it should be longer then that because it took forever to arrive at this mark.
I've been thinking recently about my labor and delivery. Have you ever wanted a do over? I've wanted a few but not many. But if I knew how everything would be I would of done things differently. Recently mainly this last pregnancy and delivery. If I knew the epidural would have stopped my contractions for sure for awhile I would of held off for a little while because even though I disliked when I felt a contraction coming I think I was handling each one pretty well! Then I would of had her sooner but still had time to put in enough meds they wanted me to have before having her. Also I would of had Spencer come back and stay with me at the hospital over night or a friend had I known Emma wasn't going to let me sleep (which I so desperately needed) then I wouldn't have been so tired and would have tried harder with actual breastfeeding. Or would I have?
This is just an example. Even though I was pretty sick while pregnant if I had pushed harder to workout and eat healthier would it have made a difference?
I think a lot of times in the moment I feel so weak or tired that it truly effects my motivation and decisions. But even if I had been well rested would I really have made different choices?
What's done is done in all past situations I've wanted a do over but you know I probably would have done the exact same things or similar anyways.
They have been journeys that have gotten me to other places in my life I may never have made it to without those trials etc.

I'm back on slowly (wish it didn't have to be slowly) getting back to where I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It's hard it's very hard. I've had to try to really focus on one area and once that's back to routine add something else. But I want to just jump right back into everything but I can't it's tiring lol

3 kids has out done me. I'm forgetting more things and have to find a new routine and organize differently. Right now I'm stuck in the constant laundry and dishes and pick up routine. It's never ending lol

Right now we are trying to find the way we want to parent. But it's easier to always fall back on my old ways because it's easier even though it's not better.

Anyways enough of that here's some updates

Emma is doing great! She sleeps 6-7 hours at night and wakes up and feed her and she goes back almost right away for a few more hours. She had thrush....still kind of does. She's had constipation and yeast infection. But other then that lol she sleeps and eats pretty good. And oh my goodness we love her!

Isaac and Jackson.....we've hit a moment they wrestle a lot more with each other and talk back and throw fits. Which I don't blame them I want to too somedays. But they can also be super helpful without being asked. Theyve been growing in good and bad ways lol we are trying to listen and understand each other but it's not easy most days.

Weather has been great in the 80s mostly so we go to splash pads or parks. And mommy and daddy are fitting in eating better all around and exercising.

I feel weak which is understandable so trying to keep up daily movement to get back to how wonderful I felt over a year ago. And I crave being that way again. But here we work on patience lol

We take each day at a time and try something different when things don't work out.

If you read this far thanks for reading my babble lol

Emmas Birth Story

I had scheduled to be induced on her due date May 24th @ 8am because for several reasons I just didn't want her past her due date. I didn't want to be induced so I didn't plan it earlier then her due date to give her time to come in case she decided to show up on her own.
Tuesday the 23rd I finally was having contractions. And really struggled to want to walk around or go anywhere. Around 11 or midnight contractions started to become harder to breathe through and consistent. Because I was strep b positive they wanted me to come in sooner then later so if I was in labor they could get enough penicillin in me before she was born.
We had a lovely lady in our ward that we like to call our Oregon Grandma. She came over to stay while the boys slept and until Spencer could come back and get them.
I was 5cm and 80% effaced? So they admitted me. I was handling contractions well but I was game for an epidural whenever they could get me one.
We found out that why your legs go numb at the beginning is they give you two meds that jump start the epidural to work. Supposedly your legs are supposed to gain feeling after awhile but the pain should be the only numb part even if you press a button to get more pain meds. But for me if I ever press that button my legs go numb again. So for whatever reason i'm some rare case and we tried telling them that the same thing happened with the boys but they didn't believe me until I told them my legs were numb again. So I really can't feel even pressure down there all feeling is gone. But no biggie.
The hardest part for me was they don't let you eat anything but liquid things and I was STARVING and weak from lack of food so I was very emotional. Also we didn't have a good nights sleep the night before and its the middle of the night again and i'm not getting sleep.
She moved around A LOT so the machine was always making noise from her movements. Once I got the epidural it slowed down my contractions a lot at one point I was 7cm and fully effaced for awhile.
Since I couldn't feel my legs they had to help flip me when I wanted to lay on a different side. Around 9 or 10? they flipped me and a few minutes later the doctor came to check on me and I was wet so my water must have broke when they flipped me because I had been dry just before that.
They were going to give me Pitocin but the nurse said since my water broke she was going to see if my contractions picked back up on their own....and sure enough they did. And around 11ish I pushed 2-3 times and her head was out and she slipped out with the doctors help and she was here at 11:16am
LOTS of dark brown hair and just beautiful! I did almost cry a little bit mainly from it beings 12 hours and I was so weak and hungry and I had really finally had a girl lol
She was 8.1 lbs (biggest baby ive had) and 19.25 inches long
She is pretty chill but when she does not like something or is hungry etc she WILL let you know, she has a high pitch scream/cry......
Usually if you were strep b positive they make you stay mainly for baby for 48 hours thankfully they let us go around the 24 hour mark I never would of emotionally survived staying there another night lol
We all love her very much and trying to figure out the sleep schedules which has been a bit rough. During the day is pretty good but nights are a struggle. She is down to 7.7 lbs but they aren't worried. She's got chunky cheeks and dark eyes for now can't tell which color they are going to change to.
We pump, breastfeed, and formula feed until we figure out what we are going to work on. And every night I change my mind on what I want to do lol
The biggest trial for me is sleep if I don't get a fair amount I just can't handle life so Spencer and I take turns with her at night and naps during the day etc.
The boys have been pretty great for the most part just always have lots of energy. Grandma Nielsen comes June 1st and we are super excited.
A downside is its SO HOT in every room but the living room so its made nights harder.
Anyways I don't think I missed anything nothings huge but we did find out that the hospital was pretty packed with women in labor that if I hadn't of gone into labor on my own they would of moved my induction date :/ so thank heavens baby girl decided to get things going!

OOOh I tore about a 2? It's day 3/4 and I rarely take any pain meds and i'm seeming to heal fairly fast and nicely. My tummy is slowly going down and need to keep up on naps etc to feel semi normal but i'm pretty good and ready for back to normal life just with 3 kids instead of 2. She's a snuggle bug

Decluttering

(The book i'm referring too. "The life-changing magic of tidying up" By: Marie Kondo)
Wow!
I've been thinking of reorganizing and decluttering for quite awhile. Each month my desire to do so got stronger. Could some of it be nesting, probably but I did feel this way before I was pregnant.
I came across this book one day and I knew this was a different perspective that I wanted to try.
We can organize and declutter but unless we truly declutter we are going to always have to redo everything.
My huge desire was I was tired of always having spots or things to pick up. As the kids get older they are slowly helping with their own items to put away but something needed to change.
I'm not much of a hoarder and neither is Spencer but this book made me realize how much you hold on to when it's not needed. I've gotten rid of maybe 15 bags worth of things.
Now I don't agree 100% with all she says but it did make me see things a different way. The more things we do have the easier a home is to reclutter all over again. And finding more shelves to make things more organized doesn't solve the issue.
She talks a lot of physically touching everything and by that knowing what to keep based on if that item Sparks joy. I only did this to a point because though I believe items have a bit of energy I don't think they are overly speaking to you or upset if we fold them a certain way. to each their own though.
I do believe that every item has their purpose and that after it's fulfilled that purpose in making you happy it's time to donate or throw away. For example cards I don't hold on to tons but realized I could let go of quite a few. They fulfilled their purpose by me receiving them and feeling joy or loved from that person. But holding on to them isn't important especially if we rarely go back and read it. Now there are exceptions like love letters from your spouse.
Another point was not holding on to past things from an ex or ex friend because if you go through it ever it brings you back in the past but it's time to live in the now! I held on to a few items but not much but their all in a box at my parents so those will be tossed next time I see that box.
Another huge thing was everything has its place! So a huge thing in general that will help me is once I use something to put it back where it goes as soon as possible! The things won't easily reclutter on a countertop or table etc.
I feel our home is so much more open and inviting already! And we dont even have as much stuff as most people do.
I will say one hard part is if you have a spouse or children etc that you share a home with doesn't mean your all going to be 100% into the process of truly decluttering which has been a bit hard for me to see and be understanding.
Because what's important to someone else doesn't mean it's important to us so you have to compromise or just let things go.
Another hard part is I'm afraid I may slip back into hold habits of oh we need this when we truly don't need to add more back into our home.
Right now I'm actually doing pretty well, I'm a gift giver and love receiving gifts but as of lately I care very little to receive gifts and my gift giving has changed to smaller simpler things.
Which was one problem she said is that people just let things sit because someone gave it to them and you feel bad throwing it away or giving it away but leaving the item sit there makes more harm then good.
I'm almost all done, the process is supposed to take longer but I have limited time and patience. Lol
I'm down to mostly finding the right place for things and keeping all items that are similar together. So all cords in one spot, all crayons, all shoes etc.
Somedays I've pushed myself a bit more then I should lol but it's felt very rewarding just wish I had done this when I was physically better able to do it all.
In the long wrong I hope it helps me do normal cleaning easier because I'm not constantly clearing clutter spots.
Did maybe getting pregnant make my brain finally snap and say it's time to change the way your live? Maybe. I've noticed a lot lately that for me there came a time where things just snapped for me and I was ready to truly start working out or to truly focus on my scripture reading or whatever it may be. And each moment I did amazing did some of these things get throw off yes....But each time I've learned something new and different to fix or change in my life and I'm really grateful for that. In this case I feel a bit more free and lighter in my home. It should make life easier for me especially when baby 3 comes along.
Which the closer I get to due date the more I have to take things 1 day at a time. I'm quite emotional with this one especially towards the end I've noticed. And I physically always have some sort of pain every so often each day. Sitting one way used to help but no so much anymore so I get emotional since I don't feel 100% but I always feel a lot better then I did the first like 7 months! I do feel I have a fair amount of energy and I think that's partly from decluttering because doing it was bringing me joy that I hadn't been feeling.
My goal is to finish up as much as I can before baby gets here so that things don't slip backwards.
It's an amazing book though but do believe you have to truly be ready to do it and then do it and don't stop half way through! I should of taken before and after pictures, I'm truly upset I didn't. But maybe will take a few after pictures when I'm done with everything because you will see how open the place looks. =]
Side note we are doing fairly well here, very thankfully warmer weather is stopping by on and off. We've got about 50 days left until due date and we are fairly prepare minus a few things which I will wait to see if I get at baby shower, if I don't then will purchase and start packing hospital bag. I'm still very over and done with this pregnancy, it's truly been a hardship I never realized I would struggle with. But we have survived this long, just barely, and are slowly getting excited for the changes that will come with having a 3rd kid lol

30 weeks baby 3

30 weeks today! (will be 8 weeks left if its like Jackson)
3/4 complete and 1/4 to go! It still feels like an eternity away. I always heard things from blogs etc that pregnancy 3 just flies by.....no it doesn't! lol I did not get blessed with that luck!
I would share my weight except the batteries are dead in our scale :/

I am actually doing fairly decent, I still get colds and things occasionally. And sometimes don't feel very well depending on how I've ate.
I don't really crave much
I sleep okay sometimes its rough to move
I have a tine bit of acid reflex
I'm always hungry
I have bursts of energy here and there
If I stand too long my back will hurt
I will usually feel worn out around 1 so will lay down and sort of nap depending on how the boys do
I have that normal pain every so often on my right top side that I've had with the past pregnancies, and no its not a baby foot up in my ribs its a different kind of pain. its my insides getting cramped and pushed up there.
Bras are getting tight but because my belly is spreading to up there so my circumference around my ribs is fatter.
I'm almost always fairly hot, I don't always have a sweater on, if you know me that's a huge shocker. Nights I get even more hot even if I have all the ways to keep me cool but oh well.
My old stretch marks are stretched out all the way which means I am going to probably get some new ones soon, my belly is itchy now on and off and super stretched out.
She moves pretty much ALL the time. She really favors my right side and tries to push out the side a lot.
She gets hiccups at least 1-2 times a day! I get jabs and brushes a lot on the inside.
I'm back to liking sleep on my right side more then my left but still have to switch off.
I get a few very light cramps but nothing crazy or consistent.
My legs are sometimes achy
My brain is a lot more forgetful and spacey on words and things I need to do.
I'm still a little less social then normal just depends on the day.
I feel huge but also still feel kind of small
I do occasionally forget that i'm pregnant until I move and remember there is a belly in my way that makes it harder to get to or do a few things lol

We are pretty set for when she comes, a few other things would be helpful but we have the basics. I'm ready for the end.

We tried making 3 carseats fit in our backseat to wait on a bigger car a little longer but.....no matter how I worked it, it didn't work well so probably at the beginning of May we will get a van of some kind.

The baby stuff is pretty much all organized, bag will be packed soon but not yet too early and hospital tour is in one month and already have the birth plan written. what can I say i'm a preparer, makes me feel ready and calm for all the unexpected things you cant plan for.

Okay i'm just blabbing just figured its been awhile since I've updated.